A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i am currently going out with a 21 year old and im only 13 (he was 20 when we started seeing eachother) the thing is he hasnt pressured me into anything and ive never felt this way before. i know about his past and everything ive spoken 2 his cousin n most ov his family and he is staff at my cdts unit -- we are breaking up but i had all of my firsts with him and i lost my virginity to him i know hes not using me because he is in the army and knows that i could dob him in any time. rumors have been spread around our unit and he has had phone calls relating to me from nosy backstabbing staff who dont no how to let go of the past and hes been put off me. but everyone can see a difference in me but i dont know if its worth trying to tell him i dont want to split and not tell anyone and carry on like it was in the beggining but ive never been like this with anyone and i realy like him but is he worth it? and should i tell the staff at cadets get him arrested etc jus because hes broken up with me. but i know i should and i know it counts as rape blah blah etc etc but it was all my own choice and e didnt pressure me into a anything, should i let him go knowing i lied to so many people an given up so much 4 him, let him go and tell he staff and my parents or jus try to ocnvince him not 2 break up with me or jus let him go and never realli get over it n get on with my life i no it sounds stupid but i dont no wat 2 do and im meeting up with him tommorrow so i dont no wat to say to hiimx so could you please help me because i no hes cheated on me once wen he was pissed but he owned up 2 it. please help asap
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cheated on me, cousin, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): He should go to prison, dump him, call the cops, do something about it or else you're gonna get busted and he's gonna have all the credit. I think you should dump him before he gets pissed and cheats on you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): You said that he didn't pressure you into anything then you should definitely not imprison him, and stop trying to get back with him, he is way older than you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): you know what, I have read every single response to your situation and all of your responses. ok so here goes you seem to be missing everyones point. 13 years old legally your not old enough to say yes i will have sex with you a 21 year old. military is not the place for him, in my opinion he really needs to be in a box in the ground but that i just my opinion. you can either say goodbye forever tomorrow and walk away and forget him or you can send him to prison with this i love him story. you need to worry about getting out of high school not how many smokes you are going to be giving him in prison if he makes it that long. prison they make child rapest dissappear into thin air. He doesn't love you if he did he could have waited until you were 18 years old to have sex with you. so your not even 16 yet so love my ---. you are a willing young soul. he apparently cant get anyone older because he is preying on babies. if he were my brother he would not come anywhere near my daughter. i hope you make the right choice.
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male
reader, pint  +, writes (13 April 2009):
report it or get along with someone your own age at least you can use this as a lesson
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female
reader, BethBabes +, writes (13 April 2009):
 please please please listen to this advice. it's good advice and deep down you must know its right. why would you ask for advice if you don't want to know what people think. i'm 14 and i couldn't deal with everything you've been doing. just please do the right thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou say i should b with ppl my own age but the thing is i spend most ov my time with people my own age i only have a few ffrends tht are 16 and 17 n a cupple with are 18+ because im gd frends with my cousin who is 22 so i do hav frends alot older than me but i spend most of my time with guys my own age and all my frends r generaly my own age and i do everything teenage girls do its jus i do tht AND see him but i am trying and when i said no he respeced my decision would tht make his penalty better if i tell them that he respected me when i said no?.x
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (13 April 2009):
 What grade are you in right now, sweetheart? What do you want to do when you finish school? Do you plan to be a full time mother and housewife (that is a 24/7 job mind you!), or do you want to have your independence as a person by having a job outside the home?
In this economy, I'm afraid being a full time mother is actually a luxury, rather than a need or a necessity. But in order for you to have a job that pays well, you would need to finish school. Possibly, continue to college, or a vocational school. It cost money to do that.
My advice is, you should be spending more time with friends your age. Or if you want to be independent as soon as you are legal, learn a trade that will get you a respectable and honest job soon.
If your boyfriend is a good person, instead of having sex with you (the legal term is statutory rape, i'm afraid, as it has been pointed out by others), he should be protecting you, making sure that you have a good education, etc etc etc.
At 13, you should still be having fun at the mall, or arguing with your mum at home from time to time, or giggling like crazy with her, or doing homework with the help of your parents, or even better, discussing this very issue, with your mum [and dad at home]!
Life is hard, as you said. Even us adults still need friends to help us out with our problems from time to time. And we listen to the advice given, and we try to apply the suggestions given to us as appropriate. So please, do take the advice that have been given by so many aunts here. Talk to your parents, school nurse, school counsellor, principal, the Police. They will HELP YOU to report him. Unfortunately, people like him, may continue to rape under-age girls where-ever they are stationed when opportunity arises for them. These have been well documented in countries like the Philippines, Germany, Japan (though not widely publicized).
If you came alone to report him to the authorities, they may not believe you - because you are underage/minor [which means that you need an adult to accompany you].
You do realize that the "aunts" here are upset NOT because of what you did but because of what HE did, right? And if we were all present in a room together, with you, no one will throwing stones at you. In fact, we would all be soo eager to hug you, to protect you from him! That's what loving caring adults do to their underage children/friends/relatives! So call that number ArmyMedic gave you. Involve your counsellor too. NOW!
We are all rooting for you (even though you are a stubborn little girl lol)
After this, please focus on your own well being, and prepare yourself so that you will have a good education, and a good job in the future!
Good luck!
Cat
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
 In my Unit the Safety of our Cadets comes first and foremost I would give a toss if the Guy had a VC.
I'll tell you how to report it go to this website: http://www.police.uk/forces.htm find your local area police force and it will have an area on the page to e-mail them, send an e-mail with everything you have told us here and they will help you out! Or call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000.
Do it now!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am nt tlkin 2 him but i want my stuff back im scared n i hav taken your advice seriusly and i will try to report him
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female
reader, shnookims  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 You posted this question, looking for answers and how many people have all said the same thing? It's clear what you really want to do, so why did you bother in the first place?!
The fact is he knew what he was doing is wrong before he even did it! And I'm assuming so did you... But he's 21! And he's in the army! He cheated on you and WANTS to break up!
All I'm saying is think about YOUR furture because he's only thinking of his own now! I'm not telling you what to do becasue you haven't really taken anyone elses advice but there are ways to prove that you did have sex, even meeting up with him and tricking him into admitting it should be considered. All these people who replied to your question are on your side and want you to enjoy your youth and have a good future. Think about it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou tell me how easy it is 2 hav 2 courage 2 do tht
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut u tell me ur a cdt officer my sea cadet unit is biased and they will not help me in any way the police will not believe me because no body will back me up!!! u work with cadets i dont no wether its marine army or air i dnt care my unit bitches about almost evry cdt n they slag u off and spread rumors and very rarely believe us because staff keep spreading rumors i dont no HOW to report him no1 will believe me as they will believe him over me any day him being an ex cdt and knowing them longer than me and no1 would believe he would do such a thing i dont no wat ur cadet unit is like but if one ov your cdts made a accusation about some1 who is hardly there the pride ov your unit because he is in the qweens guard and staff say she is a liar and 2 watch yourself around her u tell me wat u wuld do 4 tht cdt!
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
Ok this is my last reply: You obviously don't have the courage to know right from wrong and you are more than happy with the way this Man has behaved! Please either report it or don't but posting "but it is so hard" and "you don't understand" here isn't going to help matters at all.
I don't care if he is a single Dad of 7 with 22 years SAS experience under his belt, at the end of the day he has not met the strict Values and Standards of a British Soldier, he has broken his position of trust as a Youth leader and has broken the Law, and by you doing NOTHING about it makes you as BAD as him!
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female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 you came to this site to ask for advice but your not willing to take it. Everyone is telling you the best things you can do for your situation but you lack the maturity to act upon them? Dont meet up with him, the sooner you stop talking to him the sooner you can move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhes failed to turn up... twice i wana no if he will do it a third time n i need 2 tlk 2 him bout how i feel . i no how 2 defend myself against him ill be fine i jus dont no how to word it to him
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand also wat do i do 2moro wen i see hhim?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthere is... they dont believe me i alredy sed i werent doin nefin wen they asked its not fair hes got a niece he like a dad 2 n she is the sweetest girl in the world n his brother walked out on her hes all she has as a dad y shuld i take tht away frum her?
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female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Listen to ArmyMedic. You are getting top advice from him. No more excuses. There is no excuse for him committing rape on an underage girl. There is equally no excuse for not reporting it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy frends dnt care n enjoy the excitment i hardly c him its jus the last tym i did c him all he did was sleep wiv me n then sent me on my way e was sent home 4 a weekend cos he was ill so he culdnt leeve his howse but i am havin sleepovas n doin normal stuff i go 2 the clubs wen they hav under 18s nites n i sleepova evry ova day hes jus bin reeli distant n i asked him if we were still 2gever he sed no he was gna tel me 2mora wen i saw him im still meeting him but i dno wat 2 do or say 2 him
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
Well if the Cadet Officers are going to close ranks on you, so to speak, go to the Civilian Police and trust me he will end up in Civvi Prison, as MCTC Colechester is saved for people who go AWOL and steal tanks not Rape teenagers.
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female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (13 April 2009):
honestly you dont need this drama.. U need to be having sleepovers and doing normal things girls do not dealing with this loser. Im sure your friends are worried
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not stupid i no its nt ryt im nt a dumbass but i dnt think its fair 2 make a big deel out ov summin were im jus gna b kiked outta cdts or derrated and hated by all the staff im nt popular wiv staff neway because ov the rumors makin my situation worse
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut... i jus dont know he would go military prison i no its ALOT more different to normal prison n he has frends n i dnt think the staff at cdts would believe me i told them nuffin was goin on n theres 1 memeber of staff spreading lies and sayin that i will get evry1 in trubble and 2 watch themselves around me and all i have done nuffin evry1 was spreadin it rund my c cdt unit and i sed nuffin and i dnt want no1 2 gt in trubble i enjoy cdts n i dnt wana get derrated or hated there cos they wont believe me
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
Utter Rubbish it is as simple as that and I think it will be much safer in prison than in Afghanistan!
He used you because it was easy to use you as you are a child! This Man, should not be allowed to work with cadets or recruits, and certainly cannot be trusted as a British soldier, if he is capable of RAPING a British teenage girl can he be trusted in Afghanistan?
I wouldn't want him in my Platoon, except maybe for mine clearing duties, not only does he have to face fear of death from the Taliban but any parent who finds out he's been having underage sex will likely want to kill him also, (there's a lot of Dads in the Army)!
The kindest thing you can do is report him and let him go to prison at least there he will be safer.
Have the moral courage to stand up and do what is right!
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female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (13 April 2009):
i agree and think this is really unhealthy for both of you. Your too young for any of this (you probably dont want to hear it but too young for sex) and if you want to date you should be with a boy your age not a 21 year old man who knows better. I lost my virginity to a guy i thought i loved at 15 and its the biggest regret i have. I wish i waited because only at 19 can i truly appreciate and enjoy it. He probably has some serious issues with women and is too insecure that he preys on girls. You might think its different he loves you but honestly when you look at the picture its just not right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe promised me he would always be there for me as long he is not in prison or in afgan. hes going to agan in october i dnt want 2 ruen his life but i dnt want him 2 die n me nt b able 2 say gdbye or hav him leeve n were on bad terms n he dies... i couldnt live myself if tht happened...
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reader, OSCARS MUMMY +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Hi, i totally agree this guy is way too old for you - but okay hes cheated on you already - because he was pissed????? - he still is only 21 and i'm sure he will be getting pissed many many times in the future and will no doubt cheat on you again - what has he promised never to get pissed again?? rubbish!! please have some self respect and dump him!!!!! No one needs this hassle and especially at your age. You wont have felt like this about anyone - because you are only 13 - you sound old beyond your years and its quite sad. This guy is not worth it - see 3 people (so far) are telling you the same thing. If you stay with him your life will be one boring drama after another.
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reader, BethBabes +, writes (13 April 2009):
you probably know that this relationship is wrong. honey, you're under-age, it just seems odd that he could be attracted to you when there is this large age gap. and if its not going right then its not meant to be anyway. girl, you should be dating boys your own age if any at all and just hanging with your mates not having sex with 21 year olds who cheated on you! you're just gonna get hurt. please just end this relationship for your own sake and his cos he can get in HUGE trouble and tbh he should be even if it was your choice too, he should know better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits not as simple as tht though!!!
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (13 April 2009):
As I Cadet Officer, as well as a regular Soldier I think, what he has done is totally wrong and I urge you to report him straight away!
This is not appropriate behaviour and if he has done this with you he will prey on other young people and that is not what any youth organisation is about!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut i dont know its really hard to understand the situaton i am in i know it defo werent a teenager im the youngest person hes slept wiv n he culd hav ne gurl he wants so y use me???
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut i dont know its really hard to understand the situaton i am in
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (13 April 2009):
Um, guess what, you're only 13. If you hadn't met him you would probably still be a virgin. So yes, he did pressure you, even if he didn't sound like he was.
Report this to staff. He is NOT worth it. Nothing against you, but any guy that old who is going after a 13 yr old has issues and is not a good person for you to be around.
Report this and stay away from adult men who want to have sex with barely teenage girls.
And if he broke up with you, then yes, he was using you. You even said he was cheating on you, with who? Another teenager?
He needs to be arrested for statutory rape, and you need to be the one to turn him in. You are most likely not even the first young girl he has done this to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): your a child his adult= illegal and prison for him.
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