A
female
age
26-29,
*jroller14
writes:My Friend BH has been flirting with my boy friend a lot lately and I don't feel very comfortable about it. I don't know if he has realized it or not but he is not stopping it and I don't wanna say anything because I don't want him to think I'm the jealous type. My friend BJ says I should talk to her, but I'm afraid she'll tell him and I don't want him to find out.BH's boy friend hasn't been around so he doesn't know about it. The things she is doing that is making me uncomfortable is trying to sit on his lap and trying to lay on him. She actually did lay on him the other day and my friend BJ yelled at her about it cuz hes my bf not hers......she told me that he kept trying to lean away from her but i'm not sure.......should i confront her about it or ignore it??!??! Can you PLEASE help me?
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female
reader, iluvcinnamonmuffins +, writes (17 February 2011):
Yeah real friends dont go flirting with their friends boyfriends like that. Ask her why she is doing it, and if she keeps on doing it, then she is not your real friend. also confront your boyfriend about why he is not asking her to stop.
A
female
reader, authenticgal +, writes (17 February 2011):
Your boyfriend's private space is his, but he is also suppose to be smart about the decision he makes. Apparently, he doesn't seem be understanding the situation here. You're not comfortable with everything. I see no jealousy but only concern which you have every right to be concern about your relationship.
Your bestfriend is being an idiot (NO offense), and your boyfriend is not doing or saying anything. Just tell her, in a nice way, that you are uncomfortable and do not appreciate it. If she doesn't care, what kind of bestfriend is that? Let our boyfriend know how you feel and if he doesn't care, dump him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Just tell her to have fun but not with your boyfriend. It's so disrespectful.
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A
male
reader, potmanrules  +, writes (17 February 2011):
shes not your freaind if she dosn't realise your relationship she isn't a friend if she is flirting with your boyfriend
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): confront her, shes your best friend she should understand. tell her what she did, and tell her that its not okay. ask her to gauge the situation, and how would she feel if you we're on her boyfriend the way shes on yours.
maybe tell her that youre not accusing her because shes your best friend afterall, but just that it makes you uncomfortable because you really like your guy
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A
female
reader, Eilish +, writes (17 February 2011):
 You say you don't want to hurt her feelings, but she's hurting yours, isn't she? If she was such a good friend she wouldn't be going anywhere near your boyfriend!! It's bang out of order. Let her know that you really don't appreciate it. If it carries on then don't get your friend and your boyfriend out at the same time, see them seperatley. She obviously wants all the male attention for herself, and it isn't fair on you. She isn't thinking about how you'd feel, which really, your feelings are one of the things that she should care about most.xxx
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A
female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor  +, writes (17 February 2011):
Obviously you should confront her about it, she is NOT a friend if she's making approaches at yor boyfriend. And you should be able to talk to your boyfriend opely about it, just make the comment, ask if he's realised what's happening or if he suspects. You should also observe how he reacts toher flirtiness.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 February 2011):
 You simply ask her to knock it off that you don't appreciate her having a little fun and like I said it's your boyfriend's personal space and it really is up to him to tell her to knock it off. Wait until it happens again and say something right then. You cannot control others all you can do is control you and your reactions. State your request to stop walk away and leave them both. If they don't stop then you have to decide if you want to put up with it. Find a new boyfriend or dump this one. I don't think boyfriends at this age are the real deal any way. They aren't that great at being boyfriends and your BF knows it.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 February 2011):
 You don't have to yell at her, just firmly tell her you don't appreciate her flirting with your boyfriend. Tell her to knock it off, if she was truly your friend she wouldn't be flirting with your man. Plain and simple.
Why should you take her feelings into consideration, when she could care less about yours? She's hurting and upsetting you by flirting with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 February 2011):
Your boyfriend's physical space is his not yours . It is his job to stop her from sitting in his lap or laying on him. She's doing this in front of you and she probably expects you to trust her that she is your best friend and just seeking attention not your boyfriend.
Next time she does it tell her to stop right then they'll both understand you don't appreciate it and they'll stop. Who cares if he thinks you are jealous you are simply setting a boundary for what you will or won't tolerate and you can do that.
Remember that boys and boyfriends come and go but best girlfriends can stick together. I would handle it when the behavior happens again then it won't seem like you are making a huge deal out of her flirty behavior and he will know how his allowing it makes you feel.
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A
female
reader, Sjroller14 +, writes (17 February 2011):
Sjroller14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i confront her and her response was "I'm just trying to have a little fun!".......i dont want her to think im yelling at her but she is litteraly like my sister and i dont want to hurt her feelings!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 February 2011):
Of course you're not comfortable with your best friend zoning in on your boyfriend, she's supposed to be your best friend!!! Best friends don't try and steal their friend's boyfriends.
BJ is right you need to have a talk with her yourself. This issue is between you and her. Not you, her, your boyfriend, and BJ. You need to tell BH that if she's your friend then she needs to start acting like it by keeping her paws off of your boyfriend. If she doesn't then she will quickly go from best friend to worst enemy.
Ignoring this issue isn't going to make her stop, but standing up against her and telling her to back off will certainly help.
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