A
male
age
30-35,
*razybeast
writes:Its been along time since ive asked anything on DearCupid but I really need some advice now. I have asked before about my friend for many years cause i was wondering if he was into me(yes im gay) he is my bestfriend for many years but we dont hang out that much cause im now at sixth form and he is at college plus he moved town. When I do see him I cant help but feel a love for him so I flirt( most the times we are together now is at gatherings/parties ) I have said before that he acts differently around me when we are alone, he does little things that could be considered romantic if we was a couple and the responces ive had back was that of; -he is just a straight guy playing around with someones feelings- but recently i had a gathering round mine, my friends know that i like him and they all left early. We sat up and spoke for awhile when he comes over to where i was laying and lays me cuddled up to his side(we are a little drunk at this point) we then start talking and he starts this ongoing conversation up again how he doesnt think that im actually gay and he says prove it, he then unzips me and starts oral which really shocks me. I stopped him briefly and asked him why he was doing that and he just kept repeating that he wasnt gay and that he was doing it for me, i reach over and what do you know.. he was supporting a third leg.Now we properly stopped and started talking and then i kissed him, and all he could say was again, that he wasnt gay and was doing it for me. we then proceeded on to a few other things and he wanted sex but i said no because there was no protection available so we carried on with what we was doing before.Cut a long story short he blew and then "passed out onto the floor" which i then had to pick him up and put him to bed. The next morning he wakes up doesnt really speak to me much and we go into town(a sort of ritual when we are hung over we go into town and get something hot) and all he then talks about is how hot some of the girls are that are walking past.We had a little bit of an argument and because i had a headache i told him to piss off. I sent him a text a few hours later apologizing because i over reacted.Now, I want to talk to him about it and I want to know what he is thinking but I dont want things to get awkward and it ruins our friendship because that would absolutely kill me. So what should I do? I want to talk to my friends about it but if I say anything his friends in his new town would "gay bash" him because they arnt very welcoming to anything new(took me a long time to get on good terms with them). I thought the one place i can talk openly is here so im wondering what advice i can get from the DearC community.Thankyou
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 If he get's awkward try telling him you want to sort it as you don't want to lose the friendship you guys have together and that he is one of your best mates and you felt you could talk to him about anything and it still be ok.Surely he should understand that you don't want the friendship to end because it's been so long.
A
male
reader, crazybeast +, writes (20 February 2013):
crazybeast is verified as being by the original poster of the question What can I do if times get awkward? I made it clear to him that I had no intent of having a relationship with him(especially in these circumstances) because he would make a bad partner, to which he agreed and said that I shouldnt want him.I think naturally its going to be a little awkward because its that kind of a "oh hey, ive banged you before right?" but I dont want that little awkwardness to turn into a lot and rip our friendship apart because I really don't want to lose my best friend.So what do I do? ______________________________________________and please no, "run and dont look back" kind of responses, this is talking about my long term friend of near 10 years and it wouldnt be that simple to just get up and leave.. plus that would destroy us both.Thankyou for all your feed back :) the majority has been very helpful xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): He's either gay, bi-sexual or just experimenting. Sometimes people do act differently if curious and/or under the influence of alcohol. He could just be confused as to what he is. He could also have been using the "hot girls" as a way to let you know where you stand, like "don't think too much of what we got up to last night - doesn't change anything".Your best bet is not to push him or tell others about him .... give him time to figure himself out. But try not to get too romantically attached because at this moment i don't think he's at the right place mentally/emotionally for anyone, you'll get hurt if he cannot accept who he is or if he is just messing around.I think go look for a boyfriend who is avaliable to you since your bestfriend is clearly not right now in a romantic sense.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (20 February 2013):
I totally agree with No nonsense aidan it does seem he is a denial.He kept telling you he's gay but i think he's saying that to himself to try and make it seem like it was ok.Then he's over compensating it for how hot girls look the next day.Normally someone trying to cover that much up by saying about every girl is hot they are trying to keep this mind set that they are genuinely straight when really he's questioning what it is he is whether he is straight gay or bisexual i think he's afraid that he is gay and that he enjoyed what happens because he's worried of the judgement from friends and family.There isn't a lot you can do because you can't mention it as he may feel pressured and push you away because what you're saying to him is wrong he needs to figure out on his own what it is he really wants.Just keep some distance for now and let him have space to think things through.I'm sure he'll come around!Hope this helps x
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 February 2013):
Maybe he’s gay or bisexual and in denial about it. That wouldn’t be an unreasonable thing to conclude of some-one who insists vehemently that they are not gay whilst initiating sexual contact with another man.
But I’m afraid this is something he has to face and deal with in his own time and, even though you doubtless have the best of intentions, if you are perceived to be trying to “force” an admission out of him that he’s not ready to make, then awkwardness is the best outcome, the loss of your friendship the worst. You therefore need to leave him be, he’ll talk when he wants to. In the meantime, if further sexual advances are made, it’s up to you of course whether you choose to accept them or not. He’s probably going to be pretty tortured by this internal conflict whether he does sexual things with you or any other guy, or not.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 I don't think you have to be gay to enjoy fooling around with another guy. There's a difference between being gay and being not quite straight. He's obviously not completely straight but that does not necessarily mean he's gay and in denial.All you can do is take him at his word. Even if you are right and he IS gay he is not ready to be open about it so you just have to respect that.Ok, what should you do when he wants to fool around? Ask yourself what you want. Are you ok with just fooling around with him and maintaining an otherwise normal friendship? If you are then just accept it as a bit of fun and go with it, and don't try to talk to him about it afterward. I know you want to know what he's feeling, and have a nice heartfelt conversation about it to the wee hours but he's not interested in that. He just wants to get a bit drunk, fool around and then forget it. If you do not want that, that is fine but you need to tell him. And when you do tell him keep it simple. Don't go on about your feelings. Just say it's making the friendship a bit awkward and you think you should stop. And then drop it.Good luck.
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