A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I be pissed off that my boyfriend, of 2.5 years, goes hours on end without contacting me - yet within those hours will play on facebook and xbox? Example: he may text me at noon and then I won't hear back from him until like 10pm but he makes the time to play on farmville and play black ops2.. *rolls eyes*
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female
reader, when nothing goes right go left  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Its fair enough to not want to be with your girlfriend/boyfriend all the time but that is a long time to go without contacting you and i can understand why you are not happy with it. It may be that he has become
addicted to these games if he is playing them for that long and that
often. So yiu need to talk to him about it and encourage him to find out if he does have a problem otherwise it is likely to cause cracks in your relationship.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 with your follow ups I too sadly see this as the end of the relationship.
at your age after 2.5 years you know if it's going to be serous or not... and in this case it's not.... he's not ready or he's not that into you.
5 hours away is not that bad... I know lots of folks who drive that for a weekend visit... if he's not contacting you, if you haven't seen him for 3 weeks and have no clue when you will see him again, I'd consider it over and done.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Okay, I'm finally starting to understand. And, I'm quite worried about your relationship. This is not right for a relationship over 2 years old.
Like many guys he thrives on physical affection. Most guys develop strong emotional and intellectual bonds over the course of 6 - 12 months. Then when a separation happens due to work, family, or illness, they stay interested in the relationship even though the physical affection (sex) is not available. Some guys, on the other hand don't form the stronger bonds. Then when troubles come along, they flake off. This is what I see is happening in your relationship. And his history tends to point to it as well.
You could possibly reengage his physical attraction to you using video conferencing, but what you really need from him is a deeper connection. You already know the way to that, real conversations, but it isn't working. Many of us have seen an incompatibility between you two and now you have issued an ultimatum. It really looks like it is over to me.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes - we've discussed this numerous times in the last couple months. I understand everyone needs personal space but the problem with this is that now, he and I, have NO real communication. He's 5 hours away from me right now on work related jobs and I haven't saw him in 3 weeks. I don't know when, or if, he's even coming back. To top that off, he isn't making the effort to be here for me through text. I've gotten so fed up over the last few weeks that I gave him an ultimatum (which isn't good I know).. he either has me IN his life on a daily basis or he doesn't have me in it all. I say this, because he's almost shut me out and when I'm ready to let go he pulls me back to him. I'm 30, and he's 34 and this is ridiculous. He also has a history of doing the same thing in past relationships, such as he would leave for work and they would go long periods waiting to hear from, wonder where he's at and if he's even coming back. They ended up cheating on him and of course the relationships didn't last. It's like his priorities right now are messed up. I actually broke it off with him earlier tonight after seeing him get on xbox at exactly 8pm for an online gaming thing with a bunch of strangers but hadn't even made any real contact to me. Let me add, that I was his friend on xbox, too. He had ways of contacting me, we talked this over and he said he'd do better and he did.. for 2 days. I'm not waiting around on him anymore wondering if we are or are not together. P.S. I play and love black ops2. :)
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Unless he's in nursery school I wouldn't worry about his whereabouts doll. lol relax. I know you might be doing the girl thing about not feeling like a priority, however dont feel bad.If you dont hear from him for a bit. Do you have trust issues? If you know he's playing games and not out causing trouble i'd say your point is invalid, respectfully.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Have you talked to him about it? Tell him that you want him to text you more often and that would make you happy?
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 If there's nothing important to say, then I would rather he save his money on texts and calls :P The best form of contact you can get with a partner is personal contact. You can say whatever you want with your partner and actually know that they're focused on you :) Texting and calling can all be done while doing something else so the quality of conversation is already very low. And then if you tell him everything through texts and calls, by the time you actually see him you'll have nothing to talk about! Let him play his games, just make sure that he makes enough 1-on-1 time with you :) Also, by the time you hit like... 3 or 4 years into a relationship, you'll start to get really sick of constant texting and calling. At least that's my experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): I understand how you feel. I have been with my fiance for seven years. And when im at work and hes home, I text him and he doesnt answer me, I get so upset. I guess my solution is, im trying to realize he doesn't need to be in constant contact with me. Its hard but he needs his space and I need to stop being so needy. So maybe that well help you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Don't dis Black Ops 2 OP, it's awesome. It's just a hobby OP, surely he's been like this a lot during the past two years?
I'm about your age OP, I didn't get a mobile phone for a long time when they came out. 24 hours available for people? No thanks. My friends and fiancee are used to the fact I don't answer my phone or text back. I will if it's important, but if it's a "hey babes, what are you thinking about?" then you can piss off. I'm thinking "I won't bother replying I'll see you later."
if you send him important messages and he doesn't reply, then have a word with him. If it's menial crap like you got your hair done or just meaningless chit chat then I'd say leave him off.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 February 2013):
I don't understand either, why would anyone play farmville?
But seriously, the modern availability for constant contact has changed the rules so much. I think you are more upset that games get more priority than relationship. He probably doesn't realize what your expectations are as far as contact. Either that or he disagrees with your expectations.
Texting is a poor excuse for communication. At the 2.5 year mark you should be having conversations on a regular basis.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo - he isn't ignoring my texts. He's *always* been the big texter in the relationship and usually is the initiator. Our relationship has had some problems the last few months and things have changed. He'd started being distant (my fault) and we talked and worked it out. He's been trying to get things back on track, as far as the old way we communicated, which was on and off all day, everyday.. but there's times where I feel like I'm taking a backseat to other things in his life. I've not said anything about it the last couple days to avoid a fight but I just feel if he knows we've had problems and we're working on fixing them that he'd be more into contacting me than what he has been. Like I said, he'll go an entire day now only sending one text (which is NOT normal for us) but will be doing nothing but playing online games or xbox. Now I'm starting to feel like everything else is more important.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 February 2013):
I don't understand... Is he ignoring your texts? You make it sound as if he's supposed to be contacting you constantly otherwise he's treating you like second best.
Let him play the xbox without bugging him. If you don't like it find a boyfriend who is constantly contacting you.
That's what dating is all about: finding someone who you're compatible with, not trying to force someone to be a compatible with you.
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