A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just as the title says. I absolutely hate myself for it too. What a loser i must be. Worse, everyone's always telling me how good looking i am and what a good sense of humour i have. So why the HELL cant i make it work for me?? Im a useless failure. I have considered hiring an escort or something but people are always saying "oh lose it to that special one" but frankly if im still a virgin at my age (and this has been a huge weight on me since i was 18--2 whole years) then i dont think it will ever happen to me anyway so i may as well. The way i look at it people will hate me and laugh at me for being a virgin, and they will hate me and laugh at me for using an escort so whats the point?? I sometimes find it quite insulting and patronising to hear that "special one" c**p. Ive only ever seen girls talk like that on websites such as this anyway. Ive never EVER met one like that in real life, i just get laughed at, insulted and patronised. I really do feel like i'll be this way for the rest of my life. Seriously. I hate my life because of this. What do i do??????
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female
reader, FayyTargett +, writes (18 September 2011):
i know how you feel im still a virgin and it sucks, one person is telling me to get out there and another is telling me to wait for "the one" the situation completely sucks
goodluck xxx
A
male
reader, CASA DE FIGUEROA  +, writes (5 September 2011):
You are just over reacting! YOU WILL HAVE SEX ONE DAY AND IT WILL BE AMAZING!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Oh please. You are 20, not 40, as another poster stated. It's a great thing. Believe it or not, not all girls want a guy who is a pig who f*cked whoever in their teens and bragged about it to their immature friends. A guy with confidence who waited past the immature bs high school crap to meet a worthwhile person to have sex with? He didn't feel the need to "prove" himself to his friends and instead waited until HE himself was ready. Good god, anyone would want that. Your real problem is your attitude. Get some confidence. Stop whining and complaining. Then you just come off as pathetic, which is probably what the attitude towards you stems from, not lack of sex. If you owned up to it, actually had confidence and were proud of yourself for not just giving in to any chick who didn't matter, people would commend you. But crying that you haven't yet and you really want to, even with an escort? Of course people will pity you and feel sorry for you. You can't make it work for you because you worry too much about it, beat yourself up over it, and call yourself a loser and failure at life. I mean I don't even know what else to say if you can't see how pitiful that is and sounds. You are a failure at life because you haven't had sex yet at age 20...? And you wonder why women aren't throwing themselves at you? Women like confidence. The most succesful men are ones who don't seem to care much about it. There is a cool, calm attitude that is attractive and makes a person want to work for it, or what some call confidence. A man complaining that he can't get some seems more like a horny child. Just my opinion. Maybe you should see a therapist and find out where the hell this negativity comes from. I guess you can't tell someone to get confidence and not have it bother you and wait, you won't change your personality because someone online told you what you should be like. So the best you can do is not project your worries about it and go about your dating life. If the issue of sex comes up with a potential date just say you are waiting for the right girl. Easy enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Relax man! You don't know how blessed you are by still being a virgin dude! You truly still have your whole life ahead of you without being attatched to any one particular girl/woman.
Take me for instance... i lost my v-card at 17 and until i was 38 lost count at around 40 different women till i got married. and now my marriage is on the rocks because she can't please me the way i want and i resent her (myself mostly) for it. i'm guilty of way too many expectations from her because of it.
and for what it's worth, a real man isn't measured by his conquests, just if he can stand up for what he beleives in, and take correction if he's wrong!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Hey, I'm 22 and still a virgin and I'm quite fine with it. I'm also honest about it with people. I know, sometimes it can feel like a strain, but you're not doing anything wrong, if anything your doing something others can't do and they wonder how come you can.
If you look deep down, you'll realize you're not hooked on losing your virginity, you have something else bothering you and you believe losing your virginity will fix that problem.
Don't let people get to you. The only reason someone, especially a guy would bother you for being a virgin is because they are insecure themselves, they want to feel better about themselves in some way so they tease and bully you about it. You need to take the time out to truly love yourself and lose your virginity when YOU want to, not because of others, otherwise you'll regret it.
How do you know that having sex for the first time won't lead to you getting an STD or even AIDS, maybe you could get the girl pregnant! Calm down, sex is overrated. STOP letting people get to you, the more you work on your confidence about and your self respect, the more they will respect you and leave you alone. There's nothing wrong with a virgin being a 100 year old virgin. Breath and give it time.
Hope this helps, Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Moonknight +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Being a female virgin is not the same as being a male virgin, people have and always will laugh at a male virgin for his inexperience including women! alot of women!
The loosing it with someone special thing is... not important, most people loose it with the wrong person or someone who don't matter at all later on so scrap the someone special idea, you got your whole life to find someone special to love, you don't need to love someone to have sex with them.
I lost mine when i was 21, and to be honest i even considered some of the things you said, escorts and such, but we both know that's a silly idea.
After 21 years i worked out where i was going wrong with women. The thing is right, getting laid is alot easier than you think, after you know how, so i know from my own experience your lacking too things and it's the most important thing with women.
Confidence, very important word, you have to learn how to speak to women and dump the whole you don't want to be a knob to her. Seriously learn how to deal with women, David Deangelo is legend on that subject google him the man is gold.
Another thing, scrap the escort idea, doing this will result in you not learning and gaining the courage and skill required to attract women and get punani! and that in return will leave you reliant on escorts for comfort, that is a dark road brother and once you go there no one can safe you from that addiction, it will become your comfort zone in life, your natural retreat and a killer of your self courage.
Start working on your self, 3 important things to work on are.
1. Self confidence
2. Your look
3. Your idea of what women think about you
One thing that i have notice in life is that confidence is what gets any woman, regardless of looks.
Your look is very important, change it! it doesn't matter if you look good the way you do already just change it, try something new, it will help you to feel different and also make female see you differently, more eye catching, change something simple like maybe the way you dress, or even grow a braid, anything just change something to stand out from the current look.
Educate your self about relationships and dating to improve your chances with women by understanding what a woman may or may not like or rather in certain situation, David Deangelo again will help you on this.
I hope this help you from someone who's been a virgin your age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): As soon as you stop caring about it, and take the pressure off, it will happen, I was in the same position as you, going through the same emotions, feeling like a complete loser, until finally I gave up and didn't care any more and focused on other, more important things in my life. Then bam, what do you know...everything falls into place. This probably seems like unhelpful advice and you probably won't beleive it, but I wish someone had told me that at the time rather than just getting pressure from all sides and feeling odd and different from everyone else. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): It's perfectly normal to be a virgin at that age. Society and the media makes you feel pressured to "get it on", but it's seriously overrated.I lost my virginity at age 20, after dating someone for 1 year... and my first time sucked. So did the 2nd, 3rd, 4th times. After doing it, I wished I'd waited another year or longer.
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A
female
reader, auntyR +, writes (23 August 2011):
my friend is a virgin and she is 25 years old, but do you see her going around crying about it....No. When the time is right it will happen for you. Don't think you are the only 20 year old virgin. Come back and complain when you are 40 and a virgin.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Here's some tough love for you. Stop pitying yourself. Like you're the only 20 year old virgin in the world, boo-hoo? No, you're not, sorry to take that title away from you.
People don't laugh and point at you. You're quite normal to be a virgin at 20. Your self esteem and self worth needs some prepping up though. You're extremely negative. May I suggest, sincerely, that you talk to someone about this and confide in someone who will be helpful to you? Maybe a good friend, or family member, unless you have the opportunity to see a professional.
You need some life perspective as well, and I don't think it helps to try and tell you this online, you need to just experience it. In 5 years time, you know what then? I can bet you in 5 years time you will have dealt with real problems in life and have forgotten all about this little trauma of yours.
Get a grip. It's no big deal. You'll get your chance soon enough. Hire that escort if you think you'll feel better, but really.. that money is better spent talking to a therapist about all this negativity of yours.
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A
female
reader, stef02 +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I had a best friend that was a virgin and i like him alot and we would do things until he lost his virginity with me. I honestly didnt want to be his first because i think back on how was my first time and i didnt like it i regret my first and thats why in my opinion i say wait for the right person thats how we all wanted to be all romantic with the person you love or like. He was in the same position that you were in. I would say loose it to a girlfriend or someone you know fully not a prostitute.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 August 2011):
Please DO NOT hire an escort. You will regret this later, I can guarantee it. Please stop beating yourself up for being a virgin, OP. I was 22 when I lost mine and I don't consider myself a failure.
Do not let anyone use your virginity against you either. Don't allow it to be your weak spot. I was always honest about being one and didn't make a big deal out of it. As a result, those around me didn't make a big deal out of it either. If any, it had a positive effect. A beautiful, popular classmate (who none had pegged to be a virgin) came up to me and told me she was one too and happy to hear she wasn't alone. She'd hidden it because she was embarrassed about it. So keep in mind that not all is what it seems. Many people wear masks.
Guys especially tend to be show-offs when it comes to their sex life and how much of what they say is true can only be guessed at. Those who are the loudest participants in such 'conversations' are often also the most insecure ones.
People who "laugh and hate" you because you're a virgin are failures themselves. Think about it. If the only way to prove themselves is by putting down someone who has done nothing wrong, what does that make them? Pathetic, in my opinion. I would never turn down a guy because he's a virgin. I would only turn him down if I don't like his personality or if we don't click.
Now, if you were to hire an escort to get it over with, the flak you get for it is somewhat legit because you've lowered yourself to a level not many girls are comfortable with. No girl wants to hear her date lost his V-card to a prostitute. It's degrading to them. By doing this you will take a step back instead of forward.
Look, the biggest problem you're facing is the issue you've made out your virginity to be. When you lose your V-card, you won't suddenly become super confident. You need to deal with the underlying issues here. Issues like your lack of self esteem, insecurity and self loathing. These three things tend to radiate off you and potential girlfriends will steer clear once they pick up on that vibe.
So pick yourself up, man. Widen your horizon. Get into martial arts or any other sport that helps with your confidence. Clean up your diet, start working out. Whatever it is you choose to do, make sure it gets your bum off the couch and away from the computer. Get active, socialize more and give yourself less time to be alone with your thoughts to dwell on virginity. Virginity is not such a big deal. The big deal here is your self image.
Girls like happy guys who are at ease in their own skin. They won't mind your virginity if everything else about you tickles their fancy. Hell, they may even be honored. There are so many pro's about being a virgin.
- You don't have any STD's
- Girls don't have to worry that you're only in it for the sex
- You're eager to please their needs sexually and they can guide you how to do that
- You don't have any nasty dating history or unplanned babies running around
So stop viewing it as a negative thing. Negativity creates negativity.
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A
female
reader, Vanessa_Twinkle +, writes (23 August 2011):
The thing is losing your virginity is meant to be special so thats why people say wait for the special one, the special one is just a woman you truly love and want to share that important moment with.. i think you should wait and i dont think you should be embarrased it shows your sensible
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (23 August 2011):
My goodness, whats the big deal with being a virgin? Why should people look at you any less because you havent had sex? I dont know what you are fretting about but in my opinion its nice to lose your virginity when there's no doubt its the perfect moment and with the perfect person. But if it makes you sleep better at night, go ahead and do it. With anyone. Use protection.
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