A
female
age
41-50,
*hathita
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 9yrs.We have 4 boys, but i know i dont love him in that way anymore. He says he still loves me, but yet he cheated on me? I know he stays for income reasons, he has none. Is it wrong and selfish that i want him to move out? How do i tell him to move out? Please also, need a mans point of view.
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male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (19 April 2011):
Fine display! Way to lay down the law (literally!)! Well, good luck with ya.
A
female
reader, chathita +, writes (19 April 2011):
chathita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i thank all who answered me,i decided pd had to escort him out,since he wasnt on my rental agreement i have that right,and filed for child support and my boys and i couldnt be any happyier thank you
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A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (17 April 2011):
In this man's opinion you've waited too long to tell this genius to "please move out".
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Cheated on you, makes no money, 4 kids!You need to know if it's ok to split with himYou've got to be joking? You don't love him in that way anymore? Ya right !He'd be long long gone if this were true.IMO !!!!!!You do love him you should ask him about counseling.There is a ton of history here and in this short post it's hard to see all that history.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 April 2011):
You would most definitely need to speak to a lawyer. You can't force him to leave the house (legally that's where you stand), but you can make plans to either move out yourself, set budgets (if he doesn't earn money, you can set allowances and such). You need to speak to a lawyer.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Well, from a male POV I wouldnt cheat on somebody I loved. Even if you were being distant because you were starting to feel the way you say, that still does justify what he did - in fact, it shows he feels a similar way - that he doesnt love you enough to maintain the commitment. Of course it isnt, I wouldnt want a ex living with me. Having said all that I know chucking somebody out in the States is probably harder because, given what I know of welfare policy, id imagine there is even less provision for the homeless than there is here (and thats saying something!). It then boils down to if he has family he can stay with given he has no income? How do you tell him? Plainly, directly and brutally if necessary! Don't leave room for ambiguity BUT be reasonable. Dont toss him out onto the streets and promise you will give him time to sort himself a place out. Dont let him drag his feet over; give him a reasonable time frame to have made some progress (depending on objectively how hard he will find it) and dont broke any dissent. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (17 April 2011):
Well lassie, this is what I have to say and pardon me but I'm usually frank during these responses. You're 26 - 29 so I'm assuming that your BF is probably in the same general age range? You've been together 9 years and have 4 children together yet, you're not married? AND he cheated? That fact that a) you two have 4 children together, b) you have together for 9 years but are not married (absent something against marriage) and c) he cheated on you makes me think that he is using you. You said he has no income (i.e. he doesn't have a job). I understand unemployment is high but how long has he been out of work? How HARD is he trying to find a job? He cheated? 9 years together and no marriage? The picture you have painted of him spells LOSER. You are NOT wrong and selfish for wanting him to pack his s*** and hit the road. How do you tell him to move out? Well, not sure which state you're in but most have a similar process and it's called eviction. Usually you have to give someone 30 days once you file for it (at the local magistrate. Any questions, ask any police officer about it.). You really need to formulate a plan for you and your kids that doesn't include him because I think he is doing nothing but bring you down. Of course, if he is all about the children and he is not a major criminal or pedophile then you should encourage a relationship between him and the kids. If you don't want kick him out then give him chance to get his trash in order start doing right. Be real with him and tell him straight how you feel. Tell him there will be consequences for not holding his end of the bargain and actually ENFORCE those consequences.
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