A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating this guy for four months now. We are lucky to see each other twice a week. Most of the time it is only once a week, and half the time when we do see each other its only for a few hours.When we are together we are both happy and we get along really well. I really like him, he is a really sweet, nice, honest, and a hard working guy; but, when we aren’t together he can go days, even up to a week without a single call or text. Not even a simple “hey” or “I miss you” text… I have talked to him twice about it but if anything he has just gotten worse.When I talked to him before he said he really liked me but he is just busy and forgets to text me. All he does is work one eight hour shift five days a week. How busy could he possibly be? I work just as much as he does and I text multiple people multiple times a day… And I know he isn’t just in it for the sex because we have never had sex (its not that I’m holding out, he is). I really don’t know what to do. The lack of communication and sex is really upsetting me, but like I said he is a really nice guy and I like him. I don’t know what to do… Should I dump him?
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Well you hold no commitments to him and he holds none to you.You are free to do as you please. So be free, date other guys.You can't put limitations on other people, but you can put them on yourself. If you're time limit is up on sex and dating more often and if you've let him know this, than it is done, he's aware and if he's not stepping it up, than that is his choice and you can't force people to do what you want.If he can't compromise, he may see you has stepping on his limitations. You may think he's controlling the RS, but he is controlling his own life. If anything he is teaching you to set your own boundaries and abide by them. On the other hand he may be a total Narcissist. A Narcissist will turn you into a needy begging child in a flash. Why, because they want everyone to feel less them they do.You see a Narcissist thinks they are the best, anyone that looks better must be brought down below their level to suit their illusion. A Narcissist is very adept at reading people's weakness, because he understands his own so well.The symptoms of being involved with a Narcissist are:I call this The Rhesus Peanut Butter Monkey EffectThings start hot and heavy, with or without sex (love at first sight)He talks often about himselfConversation usually goes towards him talking about himself.You feel excited yet uneasyThere will never be any middle ground emotion, and it won't feel like just happy or sad, it will feel like euphoria or depression.You may even feel physically ill, headaches, stomach aches, pains in general. (do not ignore these)You start to change to suit his schedule and life styleYou start to agree to things you usually don'tHe may be involved in addictions and illegal behaviorIf you speak emotionally about love he will seem upset or have to leave.If you are upset he'll shut down or leave.If you are creating an atmosphere that makes him happy, he will show great appreciation. (be aware, there will be no reciprocation, he's only happy because you've accommodated him)He will criticize everyone, you will begin to believe him.He will do only what he wants to do, there is never any compromise.You become more confused and easy to anger. Anger is his sign he's got you where he wants you.You will start to feel unvalidated and alone.He will become more distant or start telling you exactly how he likes things.It'll always be "My way or the Highway"You'll feel more drawn to him out of fear than love.You'll feel upset with yourself. Thinking it's you.You'll want him all the more badly and now you're the Rhesus Peanut Butter Monkey and you hate yourself for it.HE WINS he is more in love with himself and happy you are not happy.The list goes on, but the scary reality is you'd never thought people could be like this. You never thought you'd be a sucker for falling for one.How to avoid all this.. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.Know Thyn Self. So always be sure of your boundaries and needs and a simple, "Sorry, it's not working for me, best of luck" should be your armor when dealing with affairs of the heart. This way no hard feelings, and you can move on without hurting or harming. He will stick around in the background and show up from time to time to feed. It's like a snack to him, and ego lunch. If this happens, tell him exactly what you want and watch him run for the hills, sometimes literally. I've witnessed this. It's frightening. In the end, just know what you want and what you will compromise.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 April 2011):
 i am in an LDR.. when we started he was not one for daily contact and all contact was initiated by me.. he never texts... we emailed mostly....as we got more serious he started more contact...in all honesty if he's not rowing the relationship boat you need to consider if he's worth the effort and if you are being happy with what you have or what you think you can have.you can't love a man's potential you have to accept him where he is....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): It sounds like communication is the key here for the two of you ! If he does not text or get in touch for days .....he could be busy , but it makes youfeel unloved and isolated . You need to sit down and convey those feelings to him ...and try to put fun back into the relationship . Be more spontaneous ! Sex will be when it's the right time for both of you ..... It starts with talking , listening and trying to take the relationship to the next level with opening up to each other and trusting ...good luck !
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (17 April 2011):
By the sounds of it, this relationship isn't functioning as it seems there's only one of you in it.You can try giving it one last go and have another chat with him, but I suspect based on what you said that it is unlikely to prevent the inevitable happening, which is you dumping him.
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