A
female
age
41-50,
*isgusted510
writes:Ok...I have visited this site on several occassions with the same dilemma...my boyfriend complains about sex with me. He says that my vagina and anus are loose and I do not feel the same way I did when he met me one year ago. The anus I can expplain, he is rather well endowed and likes to have anal often (more often thatn anyone I have ever been with...like 4 or 5 times a week). And then he complains when it becomes loose. Is it supposed to stay tight? He says my vagina is always loose and it does not feel good. He accuses me of cheating. He says that a woman's vagina is supposed to always fit tightly around a man's penis and I am loose like a slut. OK...I have been to 2 different doctors who say that this is bull and a way to control me and lower my self-esteem, I have also tried several items on the market, creams and such designed to tighten the vagina...he still complains. I do kegels all day and I tried ben wa balls for the first time today...they stayed inside me with no effort and I even had a hard time getting them out. I guess my question is if I am able to hold ben wa balls without being aroused...why is my bf saying I am loose? I don't understand. He gets really bent out of shape after sex and calls me a slut and says I am cheating. I don't know what else to do, it really messes with my self-esteem and he has threatened to leave me because of it. I have never had anyone complain prior to this relationship and he constantly compares me to his previous women where apparently they stayed tight unless, of course, they were sluts!
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (19 March 2010):
 Your boyfriend has what we call, a very small penis.
It is common for people of this "short stature" to get angry at individuals (women especially) after they don't live up to the stereotypical large dicked status.
Fact is, you could have slept with 1000 men, and you would not be loose, as the vagina an asshole both have the ability to stretch back.
I would say, tell him that he has a small dick, and then leave him.
These kinds of people are just insecure and want to blame people and project onto people, there negative feelings they have towards themselves.
Guaranteed, he is cheating on you. Guaranteed.
Every single time a guy has called a girl a slut and said, without solid 100% proof (pictures/video after you two were dating), that their gfs were cheating on them, were the ones that were doing the cheating.
Leave. He is truely a waste of life.
I personally have had sex with four mothers who were all 30-35 that had had 30-50 partners previous.
They were tight.
AGain... he is an ignorant, insecure, piece of shit...
dump him
-IHateWomanBeaters
It isn't your fault he can't satisfy you.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 March 2010):
 Since you keep reposting this question and you get the same responses each time, what's the point? You've even gotten medical advice saying the same thing. You must really like the abuse, I've heard some people actually do.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 The nature of complaint, is the proof of ignorance about sex pleasure. It is male who usually want tight grip around their sex organ. Such male are conditioned with their masturbation. And, tragically most sex expert favored masturbation, and not eroticism.
Female vagina, in a state of arousal cannot griped tightly, and it is same with even anus, if sufficiently lubricated. But, magic of sex is not tight grip, but flow of vibratory impulses, spread and cover all part of body. Such magical result cannot be bring to lovemaking if both have never learn the art of erotic love making.
So, I suggest you to learn 'eroticism' through Google search...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Your post resonated with me because my ex was exactly like this and surprise surprise he is a big control freak and is verbally abusive (to me, to his exes, to & about women at work .. you name it really!). When I started seeing him he said I was 'surprisingly tight' for someone who had had to babies!! Then when he wanted more control he said I wasn't as tight as before! I am exactly as tight as I was before!! You wouldn't have loosened up suddenly over such a short period of time and if you can hold stuff inside you that is the size of a normal penis then your vaginal passage is quite normal! I agree with the other posters. He sounds like a control freak who feels he is entitled to sex just how and when he likes it. Also, if he getting used to your anus by having anal sex so regularly then the vagina may feel different in comparison ... re the anus I don't know if it slackens with sex or not but I know some people say it can do so be careful and don't let him penetrate you too hard. He has got used to you and got used to anal sex and seems to want to push the boundaries (maybe you should suggest he shags a horse next time ... they have TREMENDOUS muscles in their nether regions apparently!) I think you should start to enjoy yourself again, without him!
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A
male
reader, joe26  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 this guy is abusing you way too much. Get out of this relationship asap, longer you stay with him the more you suffer. Next time when he says this, tell him dickless man got small willy...ask him to get implant something to enlarge it.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 March 2010):
 I agree with everyone here, I'd just like to say, you need to think of people who get to see your body or have sex with you as a privilege, not a right, and if they start ABUSING that right, well, then they don't deserve what you're offering them because they no longer earn it, and YOU have the right to take it away, whether through leaving him or depriving him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Your bf either has major trust issues or hes sleeping around and justifying it to himself, by telling himself you are sleeping around too.
If youve been to 2 doctors who both say your fine and you can keep balls in place without any problem, then your muscles are in good shape.
Its your bf that is the problem.
Lets face it. If sex with you was that bad, he wouldnt be wanting it 4 or 5 times a week. As for the anal sex. Damage there isnt easy to put right, so if hes disrespecting you anyway with his allegations, id put a stop to the anal sex right now. Why end up incontinent ect in later life because of a moron like him?
Ask him to start thinking with his head (the one with the brain in it)...better explain that to him. And make him see a counsellor about his issues. If he wont do that for you, then leave him because pretty soon he will be cheating if he isnt already. Im in awe that you want to be with someone like that. Id have drop kicked him to the kerb long ago x
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (17 March 2010):
Can you not read what you have written? The only anus here is him! For goodness sakes get out of this relationship. What are you his unpayed whore.I get so angry at women who seem to think it is Ok for them to be treated like servants and second class. Your gender ancestors fought long and hard to get equality and todays women just give it away. You are not even that young to except such treatment?Tell your b/f to shove it and himself. Get some self respect? Look in the mirror - you are attractive and many partners would desire you - you are not a slut so do not allow yourself to be used like one?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Read the book
Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward PhD
Your bf is a classic Emotional Abuser...RUN
before he starts with the physical abuse.
Why you would even consider trying to change yourself instead of dumping him is what you really need time with yourself to figure out.
-Frank
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): He disrespect you and doesn't care about your feelings.
Maybe it's him who has a small dick and feels insecure about it that he tends to blame it on you.
it seems to me your relationship has no future and no fun at all.
He make you feel bad about yourself which i find the worst thing for
someone u love to do.
Tell him you can't stand hearing about his complaints all the times and move on my dear.
you deserve someone to make you feel good and you deserve to enjoy sex as well. You can't enjoy sex when you are not feeling comfortable with your vagina or your body,which is what he makes you do.
It's time you move on and leave that jerk!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Good grief woman this guy is a jerk! Why would you have sex with a guy who calls you a slut! You have had two docs tell you what he is saying is bull and then some! What medical school did your bf attend! To answer your question yes the fact that you can hold the ben wa balls in is proof that you do not have a loose vagina and you have an AH for a boyfriend. If he is constantly comparing you to his previous women then invite him to return to one of them. Why do you want a boyfriend who treats you like this?
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 First of all, your boyfriend doesn't know many things about the human anatomy, and what he's claiming is bullshit. Although, on the anal sex thing, if you have anal sex often then it *can* actually loosen it. That is one of the reasons why you're not really supposed to do anal often.
But the vagina is different. Unless you've had a baby and the vagina has been stretched, your vagina will not become loose no matter how many men you have slept with. Generally the only thing that can stretch it so out of shape is giving birth, and even then generally the vagina goes back to normal after a while and after doing kegels.
So... I think he's just being abusive. His abuse and name-calling should be a big, red flag for you. If I were you I'd move on from him. I don't know how you can put up with a man that demands anal sex 4-5 times a week and calls you a slut after sex. The name-calling is abusive, and his claims of you being "loose" are all in his head. He sounds controlling.
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A
female
reader, jaime90 +, writes (17 March 2010):
 He is extremely insecure.. saying you are cheating because you are not how you were at the beginning but he wants sex all the time?
He has no right to call you a slut, he is saying you used to be tighter - shouldn't that make him feel good? that he was the one to do it not someone else?
take a stand, tell him you won't tolerate him saying that stuff anymore, and if he brings it up ignore him, don't talk to him until he apologizes!
i can't believe he is calling you a slut, don't believe him! he is insecure so he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself, don't ever let yourself believe what he is saying
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (17 March 2010):
 It's up to you whether you stay with him or not. In my opinion you are being treated with incredible disrespect. It sounds like you are an incredibly accommodating lover, and he's a first class jerk. He's threatening to leave you? Probably the best thing that could happen to you.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Personally I think your BF sounds like a top class jerk! Kick him to the curb cause he aint worth your love!
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