A
female
age
,
*am14
writes:Met a guy 6 months ago, he knew I was moving West in a few months he fell in lone with me and I fell for him too. We spent 4 months together every night then I left for Nevada. We are 1700 miles apart he calls or web cam daily, says he misses me loves me but for some reason I just don't know if he is just stringing me along or what. He has 4 kids, 2 ex wives, 2 baby's mamas, recently got a facebook account, but it is filtered to me, he claims he isn't very smart on facebooking but he was able to make me not see his friends list and alot of other things. I see he has it filtered so if I were to write on his wall the ex's couldn't see it. I guess it makes me think I am gettin strung along, he has asked me to marry him and he was going to come out when he could afford to he has a 7 year old in VA and the baby's mama talks to him alot although he says he would never get back with her. I sometimes wonder if we are all options until he decides for himself. But he tells me everyday I changed him and he now has direction and is so madly in love with me. Do you think I am wasting my time, I do love him we are alot alike but don't want to put my life on hold if this is just an addiction to each other.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 August 2012):
 I think people can change, but most choose not to. Maybe he is an exception. I think you must be very careful from here on out. Even if he does move, how much support is he paying for his children/women/wives? I think it is odd that he has not been more proactive in making plans to join you if he truly wants to be with you. I mean, you don't ask someone to marry you then not have any plans in place. Also, the fact you talked doesn't erase all of the concerns with Facebook you had. I know it has to be hard living in a new town and meeting people, but sometimes you can be "lonelier" WITH someone than without them. Depending on your guys actions, you could feel very lonely. Be guarded with your emotions and do not enable him. If he asked you to marry him, he needs to be making plans asap to move to be with you. We have all told you we basically think you are wasting your time. I hope you are not, but we'll see what the future brings.
A
female
reader, pam14 +, writes (13 August 2012):
pam14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe will be moving here, I plan to stay here and start a new career. I have lived all my life in a small town, widowed at 48, married for 26 yrs and I am lonely. I do love him hoping he will be with me for the next 26 yrs. But if he doesn't get out here by the end of the year, I will just go on with my life. Until then I will just concentrate on my job and hope it all works out. He has a trade so I'm sure he wont have a problem finding a good paying job, Union Electricians get paid well. I will have to get new friends here still don't know anyone except family. Hard to make friends in a city with 4,0000 people, you would think that would be easy to do lol But I will find my place in this world I know this.......
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2012):
 You are 1700 miles apart...
who will be moving to end this distance gap?
if no one plans to move, why bother?
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 Look here: you shouldn't have allowed him to persuade you to give him one more chance!
Hasn't he ALREADY proved he's not a good catch?
Tell him you've thought it over and now it's OVER.
...............................
A
female
reader, pam14 +, writes (13 August 2012):
pam14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I told him it was over and my phone was blowing up for days tried to ignore all the calls and texts but I gave in and talk to him. I explained I read articles and got advise from outside sources but he kept saying he was so in love with me, not just love me but in love with me. For now we are still together, I know you can't erase your past it is part of your history, but if you are a changed person and have direction, so for now going to give him some more time to prove it. I make it a point to go out once a week just to mingle, so if someone wonderful comes along then great but for now giving him a chance to prove it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 August 2012):
You've really only known this man for 4 months even though you met him six months ago.
That is NO time at all to get to know someone, let alone determine whether he is a good prospect as a husband.
From everything you have told us, my response is - he's definitely not! I mean: two failed marriages, 4 children all by different mothers (2 he wasn't married to).
Pretty bad track record, don't you think?
You'd do well to pull the plug on this one, and put some energy into making new friends and interesting pursuits, in Nevada.........
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 August 2012):
Ive been in two long distance relationships before. They last 6-12 months before a decision in either direction must be made.
...............................
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (8 August 2012):
Are you sure the FB wall is filtered? How do you know the exes can't see what you write?
In this case - I say go with your gut and break up with him. You said you are looking to trap him in a lie - because you know it's there - you just can't put your finger on it. And I will say - 9 times out of 10 - if a guy is hiding you on Facebook - it means he is playing games and either has someone else or wants to keep the appearance of being free. I tried to rationalize a similar FB situation (he hid all photos he was tagged in with me and wouldnt link our accounts) and people on here told me I was being silly that "it's just FB" but it turned out my gut was right. I got all the proof I needed when I found out about the other woman after we broke up.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 August 2012):
I understand you love him. I've been in my fair share of situations to know how hard it is. If you are happier than you are miserable, then you're probably doing ok. If you're starting to be sad about the relationship and wondering whether it is right for you, then you should consider whether it's going to make you happy in the long-run.
Have you ever talked with him about what broke up his other relationships? I guess I have heard of men having that many children from 4 different women, but it does seem a bit extreme. I am not questioning that he is good to you, but it doesn't seem like he has a very good track record.
Plus, he has to think about his children when he considers moving to a different part of the country. Two are grown, one almost grown, but another is still young. I am not sure if he has any contact with them or not, but I would think he would feel a responsibility to them.
I am not sure. This is a tough call. It all depends on what he is willing to do and what you want. If he is just telling you he'll move out there when he gets the money, you could be waiting forever. Maybe have a serious talk with him about it? If he won't move, you are going to have to decide whether you want the relationship as is or if you'd rather move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 August 2012):
 You definitely have some valid reasons to be concerned. His track record isn't good and while I do believe people can change, the atmosphere that you two have created isn't one that's conducive for a healthy relationship, especially when it is a long-distance one.
It is one thing to be friends and chat on the webcam, but where do you really expect this relationship to go? Emotionally, some of your needs may be met but there is no physical intimacy. Also with his previous record of being a little indiscriminate with whom he sleeps with, my guess is he is getting it somewhere else.
I think you need to take a step back on this relationship and ask yourself where you think it is going. Do you see something long term in regards to this, or are you going to get together once every few months and have a fling? Emotionally, are your needs being met? Also, he brings in a fair amount of "extras" namely kids and ex's. Are you prepared to share your life with his previous loves?
Ultimately, the decision on what you do with this relationship is up to you. I just hate to see you locked into a love affair because you are afraid to let go. You may be sacrificing what you truly want out of a companion in order to avoid emotionally turmoil of disappointing someone. If this is meeting your needs, fine, but it sounds like you want more but are just afraid to cut him lose.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, pam14 +, writes (8 August 2012):
pam14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know why but I feel like I need to catch him in a lie or something to just say it is over. I do love him he text me all through out the day calls on his lunch break calls after he is off work and an hour before bed every night. Tells me I'm beautiful and wonderful. Although I am a confident women it was nice hearing it from someone you love regular. I do think I am in love with him sometimes because I am lonely new town don't know anyone and he makes me feel wanted needed and loved. His kids are 7, 17, 24, 26. All different mothers. What to do it is easier to break off with some one that is a liar or a cheater that you catch but I am not there to catch anything.....
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 August 2012):
This is a not a good situation for you. He has too many other responsibilities and obligations that he cannot possibly offer you much if anything. Even if he did get the money to move to where you are, is he going to be able to contribute much to the relationship/household financially with all of these other financial responsibilities?
He may be telling you you have changed him, but he has had a lot of experience that should have "changed him" before you came along. I mean really, "4 kids, 2 ex wives, and 2 baby-mamas"? If you ever have children with this man, is he going to stick around to help you raise them? And you get the feeling he is hiding things on on-line networking sites? Gee, I wonder why.
I am not trying to be sarcastic, I am trying to get you to look at this in an objective/real way. If your daughter was going out with this guy, how would you advise her? Based on evidence, would she have a good shot at a future with this guy?
Honestly, I think you know what you should do and you are stringing yourself along. He has told you who he is, now believe him.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Maybe there's a reason he has so many exes...
All seems a little fishy to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Sounds like a long string to me.
...............................
|
