A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,back in december of 2010, i met this guy at college (we'll call him clinton). we "talked" for about a week and went on two dates before life got in the way and we were not able to even try to be anything really serious. looking at it now, we wouldn't have worked out, anyway; we're veryy different people, and "happily ever after" just isn't something that could ever apply to us.in march of 2011, i met a guy who is really close friends with clinton (we'll call him craig). we started "talking" and then started dating...and have continued to be on-and-off since then. we have our squabbles here and there, but when it all comes down to it, i love him more than i've ever loved anybody else and can't even imagine going back to the way that my life was before he was in it. i've never been this serious with anyone (i even lost my virginity to him), and whenever i ask him, he's never hesitant to tell me that he loves me as well. and for reasons that he has never fully explained to me, he has never liked me talking to or being around clinton.during one of my squabbles with craig, clinton and i wound up chatting on facebook...which led to us hanging out...which led to us having foreplay...which led to us having intercourse. we agreed to keep in on the hush, but the following night, clinton texted me and told me that he felt like he needed to tell craig; apparently, he felt like he was betraying him by keeping the secret. i begged him not to tell, but it was no use. next thing i know, our friend (who we'll call eldon) was texting me and giving me a "heads-up" that clinton had squealed (eldon had received a text all his own containing the news)...and the next thing i know after that...a very unhappy craig was blowing up my phone. we then proceeded to fight about it nearly all night long.he invited me to come over and hang out with him before i went to class the next morning, and i (nervously) obliged. i had expected for us to wind up fighting even more, but instead, he actually treated me veryy passionately--we kissed, we held each other, we made love...it was actually really, really nice. and before i left, i told him that i was soo sorry and that i loved him. he responded that he forgave me and that he loved me, too.it's been about five months since that happened, but if you were to talk to craig, you would assume that it happened only yesterday. he still brings it up all the time and just seems veryy bitter about it. he lives a few houses down from clinton, and he's always saying, "you want me to call your boyfriend to come over for you?" and things like that. he says it's something that he won't ever forget and that it's on his mind all the time.my question is, why do you think he's still making such a big deal out of it? i mean, is it just because clinton is a close friend of his...or do you think that he would have gotten equally upset if i would have slept with some random guy that he barely knew or didn't even know at all? also, do you think that his reaction to what i did shows that he really does love me an was hurt by my actions?
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (8 August 2012):
I'm sorry, but I do not see the relationship surviving this incident. Like some others have said, Craig was hurt much more than you realize. You cheated on him. That alone is enough for many guys to dump you, but the fact that you cheated on him with a friend who you already knew he didn't want you talking to or hanging out with makes it even worse. What you did is the most hurtful thing a woman is capable of doing to a man. Clinton knew this, which was the real reason he had to let everyone know. He was bragging and wanted to set Craig off.
Craig obviously cared, very deeply, and part of him wants to get over this and continue the relationship. That's the only explanation for him not walking away already. The reality is, however, that his pain won't go away. It has been five months and he still feels the same way. At some point you, if you haven't already, will grow tired of Craig lashing out at you and you'll break it off for good. Or, Craig will come to accept that he'll never be over you cheating on him with Clinton and he will dump you for it.
You are both young and relatively inexperienced with love, so I think that's why the relationship has continued despite becoming dysfunctional. The odds of the both of you getting past this are very slim, and are zilch unless you grasp the gravity of what you did to Craig.
I wish you the best of luck and hope the future is very bright.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (8 August 2012):
My question to you: do you really love him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 August 2012):
 I think it hurts WAY more that you slept with his friend then some random guy. The fact that YOU cheated on him hurt and if... he gets over it it will take take.
I don't blame him for being bitter. However, you two need to sit and have a chat, because you two can not have a relationship where he is constantly rubbing it in your face. It's just not productive for a functioning healthy relationship.
Either you two work it out and put it behind you... or you split.
And you.... need to remember that every action has a reaction. And making mistakes happen. It's HOW you deal with them that will tell people around you what kind of person it is.. so sleeping with a dude random/friend is one thing, but trying to hide it is deceit on top of disrespect.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (8 August 2012):
 You slept with someone else, and at that his friend, and are asking us why he is angry?
He obviously does care for you or else he would have dropped you like nothing when he found out about this.
I think you're outrageously out of synch with how Craig must be feeling. This woman whom he cared for, though they have fought and been unstable, betrayed him by having sex with someone else, someone he is friends with. He is betrayed by both of you and you should feel infinitely lucky that he didn't leave you. It amazes me how you seem to feel no guilt for this, and did not even want to admit your wrongdoings to the man you love, the man you lost your virginity to.
Wake up call. He isn't the one in the wrong.
I apologize if this seems harsh, but from what I can tell harsh might be what you need.
Best of luck to all of you.
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