A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im 16 years old and in my first sexual relationship.i've been reading other questions off a similar subject and the sex life in question has taken months to droop. i am worried because i have only been in this relationship for almost 4 months and i am lucky if we even make out. we haven't had sex for at least two weeks now. i do not wish to end the relationship as i love my girlfriend very much but i realise that at 16 years old and only being together for 4 months this is not right. she is on the pill and still takes it everyday even though we barley ever actually have sex. i have not tried talking to her because if i try talking to her about anything she gets very defensive and either makes me the bad guy or turns it into an argument. if i try to do anything sexual to her she pushes me away and sighs quite heavily. like i said i do not wish to break up with her as i love her very much but i realise this is not right. is there anything i can do to improve the situation?
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male
reader, ClearEyes  +, writes (9 March 2011):
Well as someone who actually IS 17, an age actually close to the OP, I'm going to estimate, based off of the 150+ males I regularly interact with in settings from rave parties, open houses, athletic practices and debate clubs, that maybe 50-60% of guys my age have gotten laid, over 75% of them in a relationship, and 20% more would have been laid if they weren't arrogant retard-jerks with high standards and a warped perception of how to treat women, teenagers do hump like rabbits. Deal with it.
Please take the time to read this whole response. I think I can really help you.
I'll tell you what the problem is OP, your girlfriend is scared that you are only in the relationship for physical gain. Girls don't become cock-mongers until they are in their 30's if they do at all, teenage girls and probably most of the girls in college are more interested in feeling emotionally filled or complete. Yea, they enjoy sex, and its wondrous if its done right, but they simply aren't down for getting it on all the time like guys are. My girlfriend and I do it 2-3 times a week, and I am easily in the top amongst people I know with that frequency. Most guys are lucky to get it once every 2 weeks. I'm blessed with a caring attitude and a girlfriend who wants it, and I've done hours of research and slightly altered my workout routine to keep her coming back for more. Most girls aren't like that, you have to be there all the time, talk to her every day, be her best friend AND lover, and even then you still may not get laid that much. If you ditch her for that, your not a bad person, your just a horny, sex crazed teenager and much like the rest of us. Your just immature and clearly not aware of how girls work.
My advice to you is to give it time. Don't try anything fancy, short kisses, firm hugs, hold her, wrap your arms around her, make her feel wanted and loved. Have her over and snuggle and watch a movie, nothing raunchy, just hang out. Take her out for a nice dinner, bring her somewhere romantic. Love her. And heres the most important thing. When you do finally do something sexual, anything fingering or beyond. When your finished, kiss her and cuddle with her. If you don't she feels detached and used.
Remember: Like track and field, The most important aspects of sex are the warmup and preparation and the cooldown. The race is just a product of those three.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 March 2011):
 I know you are both 16 and now sex is 'Legal' but she may not actually be ready for a sexual relationship.
Contrary to popular culture, most 16 year olds are not having sex like rabbits. It is perfectly normal to not being having sex or not WANT to have sex at 16.
There is not a magic wand that is waved as soon as you turn 16 which makes you ready to have sex. For many girls they are 18, 19, 20 before they feel emotionally or physically ready. It is different for everyone. She may have had sex already, but it may not have felt right. She may be re-thinking her actions.
Give her time and space. Show her that you love her and are happy to just be with her without the sex part. I know that is difficult for you, but do not pressure her as she will only grow to resent you for it.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Considering the ages involved, it's totally natural that the two of you will drift apart. In fact it's practically guaranteed. Neither one of you really know just who you are yet. Your both in the early stages of learning how to become an adult.(it takes a lot of time to do this)Already she's beginning to tell you by her actions that she's losing interest in you. It's better to part company now as friends, than wait until you're fighting all the time and learning to hate each other.By the way, chances are you're going to have a lot of these types of relationships in the next 5 to 10 years, it's only natural. Don't get discouraged!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): Ah, dude... you need to do at least one thing, and perhaps two things... maybe three....1. Improve your sexual technique, so she wants you badly.2. Talk to her about what she likes and does not like about the way you make love...3. Find another girl who truly is hot for you...Good luck...
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