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anonymous
writes: I've cried more than I have ever cried in my whole life, I've cried so much, that I can't cry anymore. Inside I'm as dead as any corpse. I wanted to love her so much, that everything else lost relevance. She loves another, and I'm left holding the pieces of my heart. People tell me to go forward, to keep going, but I don't want to, I don't want to get up again. I'm staying down this time. I found the one thing that so many people never do, and I know my chances of finding it a second time are slight, at best. Help me retain this feeling, so that I never forget, so that I never try to stand again. How do I carry this until death? Reply to this Question
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 If you are happy, she will not see sadness and she can forget about what happened to her in the past. Smile and so shall she. If you can find peace, you will be bringing her a spiritual salvation rather than betraying her.
I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the input from all of you. If one thing came from this it has shown the kindness of ordinary strangers, and restored a little of my faith in humanity. I have gotten up on the outside, I go out, I pretend to be happy, but inside it hurts. We shared a strong intimate connection, and with it she came to confide in me about her darkest fears, and memories. Memories of rape, and abuse. Things she's been carrying on her own for a long time. I put her baggage on my shoulders, her head on my chest, and carried her. Now I don't know how to put it down, and I feel like if I do, I've betrayed her. I love her, and I want her to be happy with all my heart, and if that means she needs to be happy with another, then so be it. I just wanted to love her, and show her love so bad! I cry over what she went through, I feel like I should have been there to protect her, even though I didn't even know her. I love her, and I want to hold her up, and make her happy, I can't put it down, and if I get up, it's putting down her pain, and I'd sooner die than betray her, even if she doesn't love me.
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reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 "Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes."
I know it sucks dude, very few people can't sympathize with you when it comes to unrequited love, but to base your life's happiness on the wants and needs of others is only going to set you up for disaster time and time again.
There is more to life than this one girl... much MUCH more, and I hate to say it, but there are much better girls out there if you'll simply dust yourself off again and go find them. So get the hell up!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): I know exactly hoe you feel, as I've just lost my 'one true love too' - in a very brutal and "unfeeling" way. That pain you're feeling? It's like having your insides scopped out with a rusty garden tool, and all you want to do is curl up and wallow in it. Holding on to the pain is the closest you can get to the emotional high that you felt when you were still together. Letting go of the pain is like letting go of her...
But you know what? The other posters are 100% correct. You HAVE to force yourself to put it aside and get on with your life. Your girl has moved on. You need to do the same.
Give yourself a suitable grieving time (it took me 2 to 3 weeks - and,although it still hurts, I'm not consumed by it any more (the breakup was 6 weeks ago)) but then focus on HEALING YOURSELF. Think of a broken heart like a physical injury: the first stage of recovery is to let it rest and recover. The second stage is rehabilitation. An althete wouldn't let an Achilles injury ruin their career. Don't let your broken heart ruin your life!
The pain will not vanish, and you'll probably carry a splinter for many years to come. But this immediate feeling WILL dimish if you let it, and in some ways it will make you stronger.
Good luck!
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reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (9 November 2010):
I've been there. Hell, a lot of us have been there. A lot of good stuff has already been said in these comments, so I'll just give some concrete advice that has helped me:
Get out. Go with a group of friends and spend a night out away from your home. Grab a drink, catch a movie, explore the city, go camping. Whatever. I know there are millions of excuses; I have work all week, I'm too busy, my friends don't like to get out, etc. Move all that stuff aside for just a few nights. Get your friends to take you out and get out of your shell. You'll thank yourself.
The sooner you get back out into the world, the sooner you realize how many millions and millions of people there are who have hurt like you have hurt, cried like you have cried, and are looking for that one person who will bring out the opposite in them.
Keep your head up, be confident, and pretend to have a good time. Pretty soon, you won't have to fake it anymore.
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (9 November 2010):
I remember feeling the way you do. It was a horrible feeling but somehow I needed it, I craved it and it made me feel as though I was all powerful even or somehow invincible. You do not need it. No I will not allow you to retain such a feeling for doing so will merely prolong the suffering you are blind to as well as the darkness you may spread among others. Rise up instead and you will now find more than you ever could before.
Do you not wish to find a woman who will love you? She will make you happier than you could have ever dreamed and you will want for nothing more than to see her smile. You will want that because of what you have felt before, the torment, the heartache, the blasphemous delusions you are birthing right now. Going through the bottomless pit of despair you are currently swimming in shall only serve to make you stronger as you climb higher than anyone else ever could. You will see, feel, hear and touch things that none could have ever known before and all because you left this corpse shell behind. Leave your personal hell and find your spiritual demesne, let someone else in your life and make each other happy. Do not stay down, NEVER stay down for if you think yourself powerful and unique then never let ANYTHING keep you down.
I hope that helps.
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reader, The Realist  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 You never have to forget but you do have to realize that the one for you is the one who you find who stays with you. I don't believe the true person for you is ever the one who got away, it is the one who stays.
I have never forgotten a broken heart and I have been to some pretty dark places but in the end the same way one girl can hurt you so bad another can make you feel invincible. If you don't stand back up you losing her goes in vain, this loss should be a memory that helps you realize how much you can love someone so when a girl stays in your life you will know how to love.
Trust me on this one the only way you lose is if you stay down but if you get back up the easier it will be to move on and find the real one for you. This girl was just many of the pseudo true loves. Only when we get past these will we ever find the one who will bring us true happiness.
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