A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may sound ridiculous but I really cant help feeling like this. When I met my girlfriend she had never had an orgasm with any partner and she believed she couldnt have one. she also said that her previous partner didnt even know or probably care that she never had one. Anyway we spoke about it and it turned out she had never had one on her own either. i told her that she should masturbate more so she can learn how to orgasm and that way she would be able to with me. I later then said she should perhaps buy a vibrator, so she did. when using this she could orgasm easily, but i still havent been able to make her orgasm!! We havent been together that long and have had sex a few times but never when she can fully relax and thats what im putting it down to at the moment and the fact that shes concious about herself and the fact shes thinking to much about orgasming. we live with our parents so having time to ourselves is hard.Anyway this is why im writing. her friend recently bought her a the "rampant rabbit thruster" and she can orgasm with that(not by penetration but by the vibration on her clitorus). I find myself getting really jealous about her using it tho. I know it sounds completely crazy but i cant help it. the thought of her using it, having an orgasm, totally puts me off having sex with her, because i feel like i cant compare to it. All my exes had a rampant rabbit and it didnt bother me in the slightest because i could make them orgasm easily and many times during sex.I read reviews on this rabbit and it says how good it is, and it even says its better than a man and i just feel sick! i just totally dont want to have sex with her and feel like just telling her she should use that if she wants sex. I didnt mind so much when she used a vibrator on her clitorus but the thought of her using this inside her gets to me. My ex measured me up to her rabbit, which was 5" in girth, and i was a 2 or 3 of centimetres thicker which pleased me but apparently this one has much more girth so im worried now that shes gonna get used to this thicker thing inside her and i wont be nothing special at all to her then.Wev spoken about it and to make her think i wasnt being stupid i asked her how would she feel if i bought a toy vagina and used that all the time. and if she read reviews saying it feels just like a woman only better and tighter. she would hate the thought of being with me then wondering if she doesnt feel as good or as tight as my toy.Its bothering me so much. What are womens opinions of this and are vibrotors better than a real man? If I had a thin penis i couldnt imagine how gutted i feel. would she get used to having a thicker thing inside her and then not enjoy me as much?
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clitoris, jealous, my ex, orgasm, vagina, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, StraightTalker +, writes (25 November 2009):
You shouldn't worry because female orgasm has got nothing to do with penetration, its all about clitoral stimulation.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): You say this: Wev spoken about it and to make her think i wasnt being stupid i asked her how would she feel if i bought a toy vagina and used that all the time. and if she read reviews saying it feels just like a woman only better and tighter. she would hate the thought of being with me then wondering if she doesnt feel as good or as tight as my toy.Now think about this, if you did buy that toy vagina that felt just like a woman, only better and tighter, would it be a replacement for your girlfriend? Would you rather have a piece of plastic with a hole that you could masturbate into, or a living, breathing woman who cared about you and was a willing sexual partner but was slightly less tight than the toy?I know what I'd pick. And your girlfriend probably feels the same about you compared to her vibrator. Don't worry so much about how you measure up to the vibrator. Instead, spend more time with her trying to figure out how to make sex enjoyable for both of you. If you make her feel bad about the only way she can reach orgasm, then she might start to prefer her vibrator, but if you show her that you're willing to please her, she'd have to be crazy to choose a sex toy over you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 September 2009):
 She's only just learned to orgasm. Give her a chance to work things out! I'll bet you've been able to give yourself an orgasm since the age of what, 12? You've got at least a decade of experience under your belt--cut her some slack and stop pressuring her to "have an orgasm, already, dammit, girl!" That's very off-putting and being watched like a hawk during sex when you're only just figuring out how things work is VERY disconcerting. Lighten up, it's not supposed to be a race or a competition, it's supposed to be fun and enjoyable and bonding.
Thank goodness she CAN have an orgasm, and don't worry so much about how she gets there right now. You can worry about that later. Right now, you need to figure out why you are so threatened by a small mechanical object. There is simply no comparison between you and the rabbit. You win, hands down, because you care, you love her, you feel good to her. The rabbit is an aid, not a replacement.
Your threat to use a toy vagina is really unfair; you're able to have an orgasm without thinking about it too much, right? You don't need to learn how to have an orgasm, right? You don't have this woman staring at you intently while you thrust inside her waiting to see if you'll EVER manage to reach an orgasm, right?
Be sensitive to her learning curve, for heaven's sake! And you decide what you'd rather have: a girlfriend who cannot reach orgasm at all, or one that reaches it with some extra help?
http://men.webmd.com/features/6-sex-mistakes-men-make
http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=153#moresexy (copy/paste this link as the "?" messes up the hyperlink)
Chill, dude. Vibrators are only better than a real man if the real man is NO FUN to have sex with, if sex with the real man is a chore, if the real man doesn't realize that a vibrator is an aid, not a replacement. A real man will know that only one in four women can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone; the vagina doesn't have nearly as many nerve endings as the clitoris. Imagine if you will, that you were expected to achieve orgasm through stimulation of your scrotum only, with no penile stimulation at all. Tell me that would work for you. I didn't think so.
Relax, enjoy her and stop worrying about this so much.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (26 September 2009):
 I would have to say instead of worrying about the actual act of penetration on your part, you should be working on kissing her all over, wrapping your body around her and getting her all excited while she's using the vibe on herself, and when the moment's right, then you get your turn. Over time, she's going to get used to sharing her orgasms with you.
But to me, I think you're too obsessed with the vibrator and not focusing on her as a person and what she needs to be satisfied.
Its not always going to work through vaginal penetration.
You ought to consider oral sex too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): You have nothing to worry about, no vibrator or toy can ever fully compare to having real sex with a guy. Sex is more than just two body parts connecting, it's emotional and physical and a vibrator can never fill all her senses and needs like real sex can. I'm sure what's going on is just that this is all new to her, especially since you said she's never had an orgasm before this. Now that she knows what it's like she's enjoying it. You're right though she does need to get her body used to that sensation and she needs to figure out what gets her going that will make it easier for you to give her an orgasm. I'm sure she is stressing out over feeling inadequate and she's probably embarrassed that she can't orgasm with you. Don't be jealous of this toy it can never compare to the real thing and no it won't stretch her out like you are thinking, the vagina is very elastic like it can stretch and then shrink back down. I'm sure you will give her more pleasure than that toy. A few suggestions: have you tried fingering her or doing oral on her and bring her to orgasm that way? Lastly maybe instead of being jealous of this toy you should participate with her and use it on her.
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A
female
reader, L*  +, writes (26 September 2009):
sex is not just about orgasms and penis girth...the rabbit thruster doesn't provide women with the emotional bond and intimacy that sex between two people involves...so be rational and don't go thinking that she'll prefer the vibrator to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Well - it's not about prefering a vibrator - it's about enjoying the different stimulations that you can get, every woman orgasms differently - as you say, some women orgasm just through stimulus on the clitoris. To be honest - every woman I know has a vibrator - sometimes it's just nice to have that intensity that it can give - it really doesn't mean that a woman is not going to enjoy sex with a boyfriend. Alot of couples use a vibrator as a source of fun and something different - alot of guys love using it on their girlfriends and watching them get pleasure from it - its always great to keep things spicey and with a bit of variety.
Now you say that you haven't been with your partner for long - sex and pleasuring each other takes time. You just need to spend more time enjoying each other and discovering what turns each other on - really it will happen, just be patient.
Speak to your girlfriend and explain that maybe for the time being - she could possibly not use the vibrator. But if you say it in a 'I forbid you to use it'manner'well thats not going to go down too well.... I would actually say that you should watch her with the rabbit and see what exactly is giving her that rush and then see if you guys can work out what you can do to make her smile.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, KendraAndel +, writes (26 September 2009):
Hi!
It is good you've tried to talk to your girfriend about this, because people often don't talk about what they want when it comes to sex enough.
Speaking from a female's part of view- having an orgasm for me during sex is not easy. The way you talk at length about the fact that she can't have an orgasm through sex makes me feel like you may be putting pressure on her. You may not realise it, but everytime you have sex she is probably feeling like she has to orgasm to please you, therefore the worry actually stopping this from happening.
You shouldn't stop her from using her vibrator. If she wants to use this, then that is her descision. Vibrators may feel good but they aren't a comparison for a real man. I feel like this vibrator is making you feel insecure. You shouldn't be jealous of this, you should take advantage of it.
You can incorparate the vibrator into foreplay and sex. You can use it on her, then when she is ready, just use yourself. A female orgasm takes a lot more patience and effort- and she needs to be totally relaxed without any stress. Also you can buy sex toys with built in vibrators for both of you during sex. Don't feel scared by it, it won't make her go off sex with you. She would be more impressed if you accepted it and learnt how you can both enjoy it together. Hope this helps X
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (26 September 2009):
 I asked my wife this question about this since you wanted a girl's opinion and she said the same thing that I was thinking.
Sex feels good yes, and for the women who want just the pleasure of it, as we call f**king, they don't necessarily care if it's a man they love or not. That's where one-night-stands come in and friends with benefits. But a lot of the women I know, and most of the ones my wife knows, only want sex with a partner because they tie it to emotions as well. There's no way a TOY can compare to the loving touch and feel of the man she loves. Even if masturbating felt amazing, evenmoreso than my wife, I wouldn't deny sex with her in a million years. I love being with her, interacting, touching different parts of her body and having her nads on mine. We love the movement and the emotions and the passion. A toy wouldn't do that for either of us and I don't think it would do it for anyone, including your girlfriend.
Maybe you can't give her an orgasm and maybeonce you do, it won't be as strong, but you can touch her, stimulate her, move with her, and make things interesting. I'm suer she's prefer that over lyeing on a bed sticking an object up her you know where.
And if you really want to make friends with this rabbit thing, maybe do it for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): How would she feel about you joining in with the vibrator, in other words using it on her, so you were included. I can tell you that it's a big turn on when a man does this, and you might enjoy it too, and then move onto her having an orgasm without it, and just you.
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