A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner caught me flirting on line. He had warned me several times to stop. I did for a while. He called round unexpectedly while i was in some erotic conversation. He has been a good father figure to my two teenage sons. After getting abusive he went. My sons have started calling me loser and are clearly without any loyalty to me. They both told me they know why we always argue and its all my fault. No one knows how bored and neglected I have felt being in the house all day. It was not serious and had many chances to meet up but still didn`t. Why has he took it so serious? How do I make him see what a cry baby he is being? I miss him and so do my boys. I want just one more chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): some people just never learn.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2011): I get bored sometimes. Me and my boyfriend argue,even dont talk for days. No matter what goes right or wrong, I have never ever thought about an online flirt or anything to do with cheating or bordering it. That is because if something is worth keeping I wont throw it away. Your sons do have a valid point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): Its easy to pretend you dont know what did wrong. Why hide it then? When you decide to gamble a relationship,there is a chance you may lose. You will have to accept you lost.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-he-talking-to-women-online-and.html. It would be interesting to know the anonymous females view on the above question........When he told you to stop,you didnt. You were either under the impression it would all blow over when he next found out,or was happy to take the risk. Nothing in any way can be said that will change the real outcome. If things are so bad that you resort to cybering to reassure you,then you need professional help. It is not your partners duty to constantly feed your ego,he is human too. You not only miss him,but its true to say you have lost your sons a good friend. You blew that one in a million for the sake of cybering.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): everyone has told you the same,ecept for the one daft answer. if you feel the need to cyber cheat then you are in the wrong relationship.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (12 October 2011):
I am female and would say no matter what gender you are 1 cheats the other gets hurt. If he had visited hookers,had an affair or anything else thats not agreed,then it would have been him who broke the relationship,not you, for not understanding male sexuality. The one who cheats is to blame no matter for what reason they did it. Anyone who gets one or several chances then carries on has no respect for the other and its time to let him go. Do you have friends or close family? Have you told them the reason he has abandoned his nest?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): Female anon believes he`s to blame for being male but i believe you should listen to your sons instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): Female anon you make me laugh. If this had been the other way round you would carry the same opinion? You dislike men and thats all there is to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): From one female anon to the other. If he had been the cyber cheat what would you say? Something like honor amongst thieves sticks out here. Op you have cheated and been caught. Whilst on the subject of thieves: if you cant serve your sentence dont commit the crime. Lol @ sexist.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (12 October 2011):
If you won't listen to your partner then please listen to your sons.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): you have no respect for your bf so let him find someone who has. you are the one crying now though arent you? you may be difficult to help if you cannot spot right from wrong. your sons ARE being loyal. would you rather them lie to you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): Female anon from Oct 11, you really made me laugh. The guy protests his partner's repeated cyber-cheating and you find a way to blame it on male sexism.
I could find dozens (no, probably HUNDREDS) of questions on Dearcupid from women hurt and furious that their man was cyber-cheating just like this. The fact that this cheated-upon partner has a penis does not make him guilty of something.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (11 October 2011):
 You were in the wrong. This must be understood first. You need to accept responsibility for your actions. Please understand that your partner has lost trust in you. You were asked to stop but you continued. That's why he went mad and left.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Okay, this is maybe going to ruffle a few feathers because I don't think that what you did was right but I do think that it sounds like both your partner and your sons do not give a monkeys about your personal happiness and/or are very ignorant about female sexuality and how it might be expressed/are basically being a bit "macho" with you because you are a woman. I don't think that it is right that you carried on flirting knowing that this would upset your partner - I think that it would have been better to have a discussion with him in which you first explained to him that you don't agree with his views and that you want your own views respected - it is then up to him and you to decide if you can agree or compromise or whether you need to go your separate ways. This did not happen and instead a situation arose in which your own sons seem to have started to condemn you - maybe because they were copying this role model or maybe because they just like him. It seems that what is missing is some healthy discussion and debate and, instead, a load of judgement and maybe some sexism as well. Personally I would not flirt with someone online if I was in a relationship, and definitely not if it would hurt my partner, but I would still expect to be able to discuss it calmly and without involving my kids.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 October 2011):
When your sons are telling you that you're in the wrong over their step-father, then it's time to eat some humble pie and accept that you were wrong.
He's not a cry baby. You cheated before whilst online. He told you to stop. You did it again and he left. You now have no excuse whatsoever, no matter what you say about being neglected and alone. You could have worked with him to sort that, you could have left him.
I'm sorry, but you're in the wrong and he doesn't owe you anything anymore.
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (11 October 2011):
 I'm sorry but he is NOT being a cry baby, you have totally abused his trust.
You might not like it but your behaviour is disgraceful
He told you / asked you to stop - you obviously do not have any respect for your partner.
Sorry lady but your totally in the wrong
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): stop relying on other people to make you feel good,its very very weak. if that is what you have to do to get a high then end your relationship first. confidence from that is false,they will tell you anything and its not real. what was real has left you because of it. you got your chances and you blew it. i bet your sons are embarrassed.
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (11 October 2011):
"It was nothing serious and he blew it out of proportion"He didn't and he is not being a cry baby. Not only did you flirt with other men but you went as far to engage them in erotic conversation. He has every reason not to trust you, this is mistrust that you have earned and were he the one asking advice I'd probably be advising him to think about leaving you.If you want to get your last chance with him you have to admit that you made the mistake, you have to apologise and you have to actually mean it. "No one knows how bored and neglected I have felt being in the house all day" is not a good excuse.Once that is sorted you need to get to the root of why you feel bored and neglected, if he gives you that chance you should tell him you want to spend more time with him and that you want to have more romance in your relationship.In future (if there is a future) seek your thrills from your partner, or this will end up happening again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): First off, he let you know that he does not approve that behavior. That is also a behavior I do not approve. Flirting online is not appropriate when in a relationship, and erotic flirting is by far and away not acceptable at all. In fact, I consider that cheating, and I'm guessing he does, too. He told you this before, telling you stop and went back to it. That is your error, he's not being a "cry baby." (Also, name calling is not appropriate.) Would you be okay with him speaking erotically to other women?
"After getting abusive he went." - This needs explination. Abusive how? Was he abusive to you? Physically abusive? Emotionally? Abuse is not okay even if he's mad or you did something wrong.
If you are bored you need a hobby, not erotic talk. If you are negelcted then you need to voice that you are not receiving the attention you want, not seek it from soemone else.
It sounds as if you both need to work on issues if you want him back. Abuse is serious. Cheating is serious. Your boys turning to call you names is serious. It would be best to seek help from a professional councelor. If he won't go, then you should go alone and work on yourself. Maybe even family therapy with your sons.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Get a job! Your partner is not supposed to be your source of entertainment and purpose in life. Maybe your sons will respect you more too! As of right now you are just a mom who sits on the computer and flirts all day with random men and ruins good relationships. There's more to life than courting male attention.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 You broke his heart and ruined his trust in you and basically cheated on him (cybering with others most would say is cheating). What did you expect? He told you to stop multiple times, you had lots of warning, and you continued to destroy his trust and hurt him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Cry baby?, you have destroyed his trust in you...that is something to get VERY upset over.It is quite insensitive that you don't see that.
Unless you are going to completely stop cheating (and yes it is cheating) there is no point asking for another chance.
If you feel bored and neglected, with all due respect you should get a job or hobby.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Cheating is cheating, no matter if it's online or in person. He clearly told you he did not accept this. Had he been ok with it it'd be fine. Had he been okay with you meeting these online people that'd be fine too, and no ones business but yours. However he was NOT fine with it, yet you went ahead and did it anyway. He's got every right to be mad at you.
If you feel alone at home then there are plenty of things you can do about that other than hanging online wasting your time providing strangers with free porn. Which is in essence what you have been doing. Erotic chats. Which professionals get paid to do, you did for free. And now you don't see why your man is upset about it.
He's not being a baby. Quite the contrary he's being a man standing up for himself while you do not respect him, his feelings, or your relationship.
I do not know if there's a way to make this better. You do not show any willingness on your part to admit to being wrong, and instead try to blame your cheating on him. He is not, ever, at all, responsible for your actions. He didn't force you, he didn't write those things, YOU did. Take responsibility for your actions. That would be step one in trying to make this better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 October 2011):
 "he warned me several times to stop"
and
"I want just one more chance"
are mutually exclusive. HE WARNED you to stop. You did not comply. Your online flirtations were a deal breaker for him even after several chances...
"no one knows how bored and neglected I have felt being in the house all day"
are you house bound? why are you in the house all day? do you not work?
He's NOT being a cry baby to be honest... he has deal breakers for your relationship and you could NOT respect his boundaries.
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