A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:sorry for this being so long, but please read and hopefully give some advice.ill start with my personality, im not very confident very shy and get very anxious. My school life was ok i wish i was back cos id do so much different but since leaving i havent gone to collage, i went to a open evening (i some how, and a big some how, plucked up the courage to attend) didnt like it wasent my kinda thing and didnt realy know what i wanted to do in life so focused on getting a job, i got one and left when i was 16, 3.92 a hour i was on and i only worked sundays i dont know why i didnt apply for part time, and i only worked for 4 hours so i thought no point and left. i have recently got a new job im now 18 at a local glazing company better pay and 40 hours a week as a trainee. and thats it. sstuck in a rut work for 5 days sat and sun days off and back to work. i have nothing fun to do on my days of dont realy have any friends i know loads of people but not to ring up and go out with. my 'close' friends are all druggys and i dont wanna be going out with them. but even if i had hundreds of friends all asking me to come out i wouldnt. i dont like the way i look and id be to shy to go round town with them not realy my scene and id start to panic and worry about the situation (if i decided to go ouf) but this is happening to every day stuff like work every morning i worry about what the day will bring, a hard job, a easy job, working on a construction site where ther is loads of builders cos i hate crowded spaces i get self contious and such like. i want a girlfriend wanna get married and such but wouldnt know how to approach i girl i liked. but wer would i meet a girl i dont go out. i looked on old friends on facebook to see what ther up to and ther all at uni having a laugh looking forward to life being teachers and doctors and stuff while im at home bored and i just think im wasting my life, what can i do? i dont have grades for uni, id darent join a social club id be worring about other people if they like me what to say and so on. i dont know if im getting deppression i have to look that up but im realy down and constantly biting my nails and in deep thought worrying and thinking about life how crap mine is. whats the point in my life i dont do anything cos i darent for reasons above and im stuck in a borning rut. what can i do?????????? i feel so alone stcuk in my room bored no girlfriend bored all because im shy and not confident, id love to go out round town with good friends but i dont have any.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (12 October 2011):
hi there - it sounds like you may be suffering from social anxiety.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety
you may also have a more generalized anxiety or depression.
you could start by deliberately pushing yourself slightly (not too much) past your comfort zone and being more social with people around you, or seek out social situations, even though it feels uncomfortable. Initially set your goals lower - not to get a girlfriend or to make new friends but just to strike up casual conversation with someone and have it be a positive or at least a neutral and non-nerve wracking experience. As you gain practice and success in small steps like this, it could build up your confidence more to where you can be able to comfortably interact with people and develop friendships.
don't worry about getting a girlfriend just yet - you are very young you have plenty of time ahead of you. Just concentrate on yourself for now, on developing your confidence, overcoming these anxieties, building friendships and other less "serious" relationships first, before worrying about committed romantic relationships. You will be in a better position to attract women and cultivate a romantic relationship when you are more confident and sure of yourself, you need to learn to walk before you can run. Romantic relationships aren't meant to cure chronic feelings of loneliness (if you were chronically lonely before a romantic relationship you would probably still continue to feel lonely even within such a relationship).
you can also start to think about other goals for your life, like career goals, and work towards that. you can read career guidance books at the library or bookstore to get ideas for how to organize your thoughts on this issue and figure out what you want to do.
also, make time for hobbies or activities that you enjoy doing. these could give you a temporary break from thinking about the other things which make you anxious. Getting involved in activities that you enjoy can also be a good way to make new friends, by meeting people who share common interests with you.
all these suggestions assume that your feelings of anxiety and depression stem from your current unfavorable life situations or from underdeveloped relationship skills or coping skills, and that if the situation changes (and thus if you take small but ongoing and progressive steps to change them and to acquire those life skills) then you will feel better. Many times this is the case. some times, it's not - some times your feelings of anxiety and depression are more entrenched in your psyche and are what's holding you back from making these favorable changes in your life. If so, you may need to see a therapist or counselor for help to work on the anxiety and depression (and to take medication if it's necessary) before you can begin to feel strong enough to take control of your life.
In either case, there's nothing stopping you from talking with a counselor or a therapist now anyway. It could really help you to identify what's causing your feelings of anxiety and loneliness, and thus how to go about changing it. A therapist or counselor could also help you to develop better coping skills or life skills to better deal with these situations that are causing you distress.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): I'm sorry I know this doesnt help but I am in almost the completely same situation. I know how you feel, we have the same personality. I'm interested in seeing the answers to this.
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