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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been friends with a guy since school but we lost contact. We recently got back in contact over a year ago, decided to meet up and it was really nice. After that we started talking quite frequently, we met up again one evening for a drink and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. At the time it was great and what i wanted but after things seemed to change between us and he started talking dirty all the time and mostly only ever talked about sex. We ended up sleeping together on a few more seperate occasions and i really fell for him and liked him a lot. Then suddenly he became distant and didn't reply to texts or messages from me, firstly i wasn't too worried as i just assumed he was busy. After a while i started to get angry at him ignoring me so i called him and he told me he was seeing somebody, i was crushed, not just because he had a new gf but because he made me feel like a complete idiot for not telling me. He said he wanted to tell me in person but i'm not sure if i believe that. So, that was a couple of months ago and i agreed to be friends with him even though i was angry, and still am. The thing is now he's started sending me dirty texts again like before when we used to sleep together, i don't know what's going on, he's seeing somebody else but sending me these texts. I feel hurt that not only is he seeing somebody but he's still flirting and basically insiuating wanting sex from me, like that's all i'm good for. It hurts to feel like i'm good enough for sex but not anything else. Should i stay friends with him or not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just angry that he's still flirting now he's with somebody else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): What i don't get why this guys is called all this negative names. He does what he wants according to the situation. He doen't have to feel anything for you. You can't really make him to act a certain way. This is what it is with you and him. Was fun for a while, nopromises were made. This is a kind of relationship you guys established.You want more from him, but that's not what he wants.That's of-course not pleasing to you, so it's time to move on. He wasn't answering your texts, because he probably felt a little bad about it. Now he is texting you dirty for whatever reason.I think you take him way too personal. You think that he acts like that because of you, may be not. May be this is just a stage in his life that he goes on fooling around. Even if it is personal, and he doesn't really like you, that's o.k. That's a life's lesson to be learned about yourself: what you want from realtionship. It will come with experience. When you get older at one point you'll tell yourself: i m done with meaningless sex that makes me feel unfullfilled and empty, i want to give it more time before i make a desicion to be intimate with a guy.Or may be you will start to enjoy casual sex just for a moment of excitement. Who knows. But expecting something from a guy and get angry at him that he doesn't give you what you want, it's a waste of emotions and your time.If he is cheating on his girlfriend, that's really is not your problem. Let her worry about it, or him.It's really up to you to be in this situation or leave it. And i think you pretty much know what to do.
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female
reader, _Katy_Did_  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 If I were you, I would put this guy in the past forever. For all you know, he could have been seeing that girl during the time he was sleeping with you. And if he's sending you these dirty texts when you BOTH know he's got a girl friend, he's obviously not anyone to be friends with. To me, dishonestly and disloyalty are not traits in want in my friends. Not to mention, if you continue to hang around this guy, he could possibly try to make a move on you or simply keep saying inappropriate things, which I'm sure make you feel very uncomfortable. And that's not a real friend. Ditch him. Don't reply to his texts. Ignore him completely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the last poster: what is wrong with his behaviour? he has a gf but is asking me for sex that's what's wrong, unless you think that's ok.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Was there some promises made by him regarding the two of you? Did the two of you agree to see each other exclusively? Did he say you were his GF? if none of these things occured then what is wrong with his behavior? Lots of people are in FWB relationships and that is all they want.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 August 2010):
 You know what? You don't need this crap. You don't need some crude, rude and stupid dude disrespecting and upsetting you. I would very cheerfully and thoroughly cut him off. Cut contact and if you eventually do run into him again, tell him "oh yeah, I meant to tell you in person that I'm basically done with you. I forgot. Sorry. Bye!" And then merrily and happily twirl, turn and walk away.
You need to get that self-esteem back up where it should be, and you're not going to accomplish that if you let him keep in contact with you.
Work on YOU and what you know is right for YOU. Do good things, smart things, useful helpful yadda yadda all the wise things you KNOW in your heart you should be doing for yourself. You've just forgotten.
Buh-bye loser. Hell-OH, girlfriend, to the newer stronger more wonderful YOU.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 August 2010):
Just some things I thought of after reading your post again:
-Did you two ever establish the relationship?
-Did you ever tell him how he made you feel? Because lots of men go for the friends with benefits situation and it's not always clear on both sides that this was the intention.
So though he's still a douche, you might also have to work on your communication.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 August 2010):
I would delete him from MSN, facebook and every other networking site you're on. Block his number or get a new one. Just cimply cut him out of your life.
Yuck, behaviour like his makes me angry. Tell you what, if you want to get back at him, next time he does that on MSN, make a screenshot (press PrtSc or Printscreen) and send that to his gf in an e-mail or PM. Or save the conversation and send that to her. Then tell her it's up to her to decide whether she wants to consider the ugly truth or not.
And when he tells you you're hot, you might as well tell him: "You're right, I am. And you will never touch me again because of your stupid behavior. Congratulations, loser."
BUT whatever you do, don't stick around. Sever every tie you have with this guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso this was the first time i'd had sex so obviously that makes it worse as i can't take it back.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 August 2010):
Hi there. It sounds like sex is all this association with him is. It might have been better to simply be friends first and really get to know each other before jumping into bed with him. Because now he has very little or no respect for you because of it.
It seems like he sees you as a bed partner whenever he is in the mood, and you say yes. So what it really is, is sex with no ties. No strings attached.
From now on if he texts you, talking about sex and talking dirty as you say, keep your self-respect and DON'T answer his texts. And don't call or text him either. Just don't go there. He's not worth it.
If he is going out with someone else now, and he is continuing to text you talking about sex, he is using the texting to kind of spice up his life with this new girl. It definitely doesn't mean that he wants you back. To him, you mean sex and nothing more. He also knows, you would probably jump into bed with him in an instant, should he ask you to. So you are a stand-by for sex. Do yourself a favour, don't be a stand-by. You're playing second fiddle to that other girl. She is apparently his first choice, otherwise he would be with you. Don't let yourself be used. You deserve better than that.
You probably jumped into bed with him, before you even had a proper chance to get to know him and if you even liked him. Don't forget, you said you both met up for a drink and then one thing led to another - then the sex happened. So for a start, you were probably half drunk and a bit out of control then. So it's not a really great way to start a relationship up with anyone.
Girl meets boy, they have a few drinks and they end up in bed together. Then girls falls in love with boy (after the sex), and wants a serious relationship !! Sounds ridiculous when you put it like that, doesn't it? But really, this is exactly what has happened.
He probably assumes that that's what you do all the time. Go out get drunk and go to bed with whoever you are with. So he sees you as a sex object (in a way), and nothing more.
He is not worthy of you.
In future, get to know a guy more before you even think about sex. Because sex does change things a lot, and then you can't go back to what it was before sex. Be friends for while and find out your interests, likes and dislikes, music and see if you get along and have some common ground with each other. That way, you will never get hurt. Some guys might not be worthy of you giving them that special part of you. Just don't be in any hurry. Be really sure before you do.
Also try to not put yourself in that position where you drink too much and have casual sex with some stranger. By all means go out yes, but perhaps don't have so much alcohol then switch to a soft drink. That way, you will have all your wits about you and have a much better time anyway. Then you can really be yourself and guys will like you for just being you (without the influence of alcohol). You want to be liked for being yourself without pretending. Then you will meet some really good quality men who WILL want a relationship with you, and not just for sex.
Make your own life as interesting and exciting as possible, and develop some emotional independence - it will make you feel really good about yourself.
Hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes.
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male
reader, $izZle  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 hon! shhh.... things will be ok ... sounds like he is a real jerk so just forget about him and pls do listen to me if he thinks like that then he is as blind as a bat... you are getting hurt because you are more than just skin and flesh you have a heart and its beating every moment. He was just leaching on you so be happy that he is out of your life ...
You will know that you are not an object like he is treating you when you meet a real man who will hold your hand not because he wants to have sex but because he has the desire to be be with you ...to love you, to care for you enough to make you realize that you are what makes him special ...
pls take care of you and forget that dumb @zz he is not worth it ... you are more than that you are a woman .... who deserves to be treated with love and respect
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice, i know he only wants one thing from me although he denies it. He says he wants to stay friends, although yes that more than likely is BS. I spoke to him yesterday on MSN, he was saying "you're REALLY hot" etc... just makes me feel cheap to be honest. When he said that i just said "lol" and went offline as it's just tearing me apart how worthless this makes me feel.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (26 August 2010):
Honey, you said it yourself: he likes you as a fuck buddy but nothing more than that. You have to accept that this slimy bastard set you up and left you hanging. Now don't you dare lose any self worth, because that would be giving into his little game.
And what's up with the "staying friends" thing? You're better than this. Why be nice to guys like him when they literally screw you over?
Seriously, if it were me in your position, I would subscribe him to all internet services and leave his phonenumber on several fishy websites. I'll tell you one thing I did when I was a bad, bad girl. My best friend's long term boyfriend cheated on her and was very nasty about it. I enlarged his picture she shot once with an HD camera and put it on a poster that I got into every busstop, with his name, his phonenumber and written above it "I'm a cheater". He could go nowhere in the city without having his own face staring back at him. It stayed there for several days before all of them were torn down.
Ofcourse, doing the above things would be....ah, immature. All I'm saying is that you don't have to be nice all the time.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (26 August 2010):
Hi there. It sounds like sex is all this association with him is. It might have been better to simply be friends first and really get to know each other before jumping into bed with him. Because now he has very little or no respect for you because of it.
It seems like he sees you as a bed partner whenever he is in the mood and you say yes. So what it really is, is sex with any ties. No strings attached.
From now on, if he texts you talking about sex and talking dirty as you say, to keep your self-respect and DON'T answer his texts. Just don't go there.
If he is going out with someone else now, and he is continuing to text you talking about sex, he is using the texting to kind of spice up his life with this new girl. It definitely doesn't mean the he wants you back. To him, you mean sex and nothing more. He also knows, you would probably jump into bed with him in an instant, should he ask you to. So you are a stand-by for sex. Do yourself a favour, don't be a stand-by. You're playing second fiddle to that other girl. She is apparently his first choice, otherwise he would be with you.
You probably jumped into bed with him, before you even had a proper chance to get to know him and if you even liked him. Don't forget, you said you both met up for a drink and then one thing led to another - then the sex happened. So for a start, you were probably half drunk and a bit out of control then. So it's not
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