A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I have a big problem. My husband and I have a great marriage, but this is now about 8 years that he keeps looking at younger beautiful women. If it's once, it doesn't bother me. However, what he does is he looks at one particular woman in church and another one at family gatherings (she is a relative) and so on at different regular outings. At first, I didn't know how to tell him, so I told him that I was upset because the women were looking at HIM. Finally I just old him the truth. He was very upset. He accused me of being jealous, told me that I had a problem etc etc. At first I though I did; now I know I don't. HE is the one with the problem. Here's what he does. He'd start talking and laughing loudly to attract her attention; he'd go talk to her husband and stand so she could see him and he could see her, and walk back and forth accross the room etc etc. The hurtful part is, the women are picking p on these signals and are looking at him in turn, cause they're flattered. I'm scared to keep telling him because he always puts the blame on MY side. I'm so frustrated, and I keep telling myself....OK, he's married to you, not to them; you don't have to put up with this 24/7 etc. It's not working. Please, please tell me what to do.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (29 August 2010):
 "I want to tell him to watch his wife". How in the world will this passive-aggressive response on your part properly address the disrespect your husband shows to you?
I question whether or not you can stand up to your husband. It will take direct and hard work on your part to earn your husband's respect. In the process you might also learn something about yourself and why someone like your husband would think it is OK to treat you with disrespect.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there, guys:
This situation has been bothering me so much recently, with respect to one particular chick he tries to impress. She's now aware of it, and is making darned sure that he gets an eyeful--walking with a sway constantly in front of him, etc. She talks to me too, and of course that's the time he chooses to come to talk to me. I can't be rude to her, since she hasn't said or done anything to me personally. We've all recently been thrown together often because of this church course we're taking.
Here's what I want to do. Please tell me if this is a crummy thing to do (I think it is, but I also think it'll work). I want to make an anonymous phone call to her husband, who's a shy, quiet guy and is not aware of any of this. I want to tell him to watch his wife, to see the way she plays up to other men, and to talk to her about it hurting other women and disrespecting them.
Should I do this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so very much for confirming what I thought, and for not telling me that I have the problem! He does respect e in other areas, but it seems that his eyes get the better of him in this area.
Also, when he's looking, he doesn't realize that I'm seeing him. If he does, then he quickly looks away. The most FRUSTRATING part is his denial of the behaviour,and his pointing the finger at me!
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (26 August 2010):
Honey, you have a potential respect issue in your marriage. I can't say much more without more information. What he is doing appears to be disrespectful but we are only getting your side of the story.
If you've told him how his behaviour makes you feel then you've put the ball in his court. If he does not give you the respect you think you deserve then you've got a problem. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Checking out a younger beautiful is totally normal, and natural.
Doing it consistently and trying to attract their attention in front of your wife is just being a dick.
He may be married to you, but he doesn't deserve to be married to you if he keeps disrespecting you like this.
Don't just say you have a problem, tell him that he needs to stop, because you deserve respect.
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