A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend slept with a lead singer from a band.It bothers me everyday that I know this.She said she did it because at the time she was mad at her old boyfriend.It just makes me so sad that she would lower herself like this to someone she had just met,She said that her friend was joking around with him after a show or something and that she guesses he took it seriously and she went along with it...I know alot about her past but this seems to bother me the most because she didnt even know the guy.Are we right for each other? Will I ever forget about what happened or will her past haunt me for the rest of my life...I really need some help here..
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow that I really think about it Ive realized that ive jealous of her first. Im jealous of all the people before me that were with her.
I just wish that I would have been her first. She was my first and I will always love her no matter what...
A
female
reader, mattie90 +, writes (29 September 2009):
 live by this quote "you have to except the past to change the future." seriously dude live it. most of the people that have answered this question are right. its the past she was not with you. most people have had one night stands and yes she might regret it but you wont learn nething if you dont make mistakes. and im pretty sure she has learned from it. so stop making her feel guilty and like shes worthless. im sorry im being rude,but its honesty.
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A
male
reader, Emerald2000  +, writes (29 September 2009):
Oh lord, man, we have way too much "Phil Donahue" going on here.The answer is to dump her, my friend. Anyone that sleeps with someone they don't know and just met is a slut.Do you want to be with a slut? No. Neither do I. Neither does any guy (okay most guys).No matter what anyone says about what you "should" or "need" to do the point is your natural inclination is to be repulsed, jealous, unattracted. It's the way we're wired. We want good girls and no matter what some chick or new age-y guy says you are entitled to want what you want. Don't angst. Don't feel guilty. She's a slut. It's a drag but I am telling ya, it won't get better. It'll bother you more and more. Better to blow her off now. And here's a thought - find someone that shares your values. What a concept, huh?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): You wanted her, I'm sure you didn't assume she was a virgin. Most people, I know at least, lost theirs while teenagers, so quit trippin or find a girlfriend that is a virgin. You can't let her past bother you. You weren't involved with her then. You're the one she wants so roll with it.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 September 2009):
 You find your significant others as someone else left them. Just like she found you the way you were when she met you.
Simply put, it seems that she did something that she's probably not going to do again. Unless of course, she didn't care about herself.
This situation can be fixed, though. Its going to take a little bit of effort on her part and yours.
Starting with you. If you really care about her, if you love her, then you're going to have to "forgive" this incident in her life. True she didn't cheat on you, but the fact is that if you keep judging her, you're never going to be able to accept her; and you won't be able to trust or love her.
That's a problem on your part.
As for her, you need to sit down and tell her that learning about that event really hurt you. Probably because you love her, and, it hurts you to think she would've done something like that (as in its not in her character as far as you know).
Its possible if she really does care about you and love you, that she'll tell you that it was a one-off thing and it'll never happen again as long as she lives. She's possibly still trying to live it down till today; and its possible she's ashamed of what she did.
Tell her that you accept it, and that you want to move past it and let her help you do that. Its that simple. If she really cares, if she's a decent girl then she doesn't want you to suffer over something she did in the past.
If all of the above fails, maybe you two should move on then, if its that big of an issue to you. But frankly, its not who she was, its who she is now that counts. People do make mistakes and they do change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): We all have done things we are not proud of. She did that before you, and it has nothing to do with the person she is now. If she confided in you about this it is obvious she trusts you and wanted to reveal it to you so you would know the bad about her too. She probably didn't want it to come out years later then it would have seemed like she was hiding it from you. Don't worry about her past look forward.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
She has a past. You have to accept it. She's with you now, so that's the future. Focus on that and all her good points.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe the reason I take this so personal is because she was my first. I had many opertunities to sleep with other people and I never took them. I saved myself for her and I think thats why it bothers me so much. I feel it will always bother me. Just looking at her brings images into my mind about what she has done. It just makes me so sad.All I can think about is her having sex with these other people. Her moaning with them even though she says she never did that before me because she was afraid she thought people would think she was wierd. Just the way she is with me and first was with me its hard for me to believe her. I was the one that wanted to wait for her. I didnt want to rush into sex with her.She says that I changed her because I wanted to wait. So with me knowing these things and knowing that she was horny all the time just kills me. I just dont know what to do any more.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 September 2009):
 The US Army has it right..Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2009):
I'm sorry, but get a grip. That's why it's usually best for couples to not reveal who, what, where, when, and how they slept with people in the past. It's in the past, just because she slept with someone she didn't know doesn't define who she is. I know hardly any women that have actually known every single person they've slept with, a few have. I'm not saying that it's right, but if you're going to judge her and future partners on people they have slept with then you're probably not ever going to be happy. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's reality.
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A
male
reader, Artfuldodger +, writes (28 September 2009):
if she didnt cheat on you, don't judge her.
you are trying to contol someone else..which is almost impossible to do...
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