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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear cupid,Me and my boyfriend broke up almost 2 months ago. No matter what I do I can't get over him. I really loved him and now I have no idea what to do. How do I get over someone that I really loved?
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female
reader, MissBadd253  +, writes (30 August 2011):
Im kinda in the same situation too. I know what I should do, but the problem is I don't want to do it! its crazy to really care about someone, that in all reality you feel hurts you the most. So I think the best way to get over a person is to wait, You'll know when the time is right, CUZ realistically we cant make feelings go away they fade on there own, and things may get better in time...
A
female
reader, MillieMiles  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Time is definitely the magic bullet.
I try to think it through and say, "Here are the reasons why we should not be together," or "In the end you don't want to be with someone that is just pretending to like you, so it wouldn't work out anyways," but I think we all have ways of beating ourselves up over such things and finding 20 reasons about ourselves that the person doesn't like us.
I say learn to appreciate who you are and know what you would like to improve or develop in yourself at all times so that your relationships don't make or break you. Then just focus on the good things and let the time heal the wound. ^^
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I dated a guy for 7 months. We had met by blind date and had hit it off really well. We had been together 5 months when he proposed. I was madly in love with this guy. I thought he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Well, when we were hanging out one day, he brought one of his female friends around. I didn't really have a problem with it until he started to touch her intimately right in front of me. He acted like I wasn't even there. Well, I decided it was nothing and told him that I would talk to him later. That same night I got a phone call from one of my friends telling me that she had seen him and this girl that she described to me, the girl she described to me was his "friend". My friend then went on to tell me that she saw them walking around holding hands and when they got to this apartment complex they both went in. I didn't think anything of it. Well a few months later the same thing happened except with one of his ex girlfriends that was also the mother of his child. I decided that I was going to call him and see what was going on. Well when he answered the phone he was completely out of breath and I could hear a girl in the background telling him to forget his phone and "come and get her". I immediately hung up the phone. Long story short, he cheated on me. When he figured out he had been caught he did everything he could to try and fix things but it didn't work. After I decided I couldn't take it anymore, I ended it. New Years Eve (about 4 months after we broke up) he sent me a text. At this present time we are friends but things just seem to be getting very tense between the two of us. To get over someone you need to have complete closure. It may hurt, but to have him tell you that he doesn't love you anymore may give you that closure that you need. Everyone does deal with these kinds of things differently and that may not work for you but in time you will get over it. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Well..there's this guy I really, really like.. He says he likes me too, but it's so hard to believe him.. He always tells me he loves me, but other times he's mean and treats me horribly. Another thing, he tells one of my best friends everything. I think he likes her. He even told her over the summer he liked her, and didn't tell me he liked me until late November. My friend only likes him as a friend, but he still may like her. I'm seriously head over heels for him.. I cry over every little thing he does wrong, which is stupid and uncalled for, but I can't help it.. I'm only 13, and so is he. We go to different schools, but I talk to him almost everyday.. He's even told me he always thinks about marrying me, and that he's in love with me, but will never ask me out.. Also, everyone thinks he's..not attractive. My friends always make fun of me about liking him, but I can't seem to help it. To me he's perfect in every single way. I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm far too young to even consider being in love or thinking about marriage. I want to get over him so bad, but if I do I'm afraid my friend and him could start talking.. I know that's selfish and immature, but I can't stop her or him.. I'm working really hard trying to get over him..but I don't see any progress. Overtime, I know it will get better and I will eventually find someone else. But letting go of someone you feel you love is harder than anything else I can imagaine.
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female
reader, danijade  +, writes (17 March 2010):
deep down you will never really get over someone you love the affection will always be there wether or not you believe it is. the best way to get over someone you think you are not in love with is start to move on to a new relationship the affection will soon fade away if when you are in a new relationship and you are not thinking about your last partner then maybe the affection was never reallly there just believe in you instinct and move on it is the easiest way rather than mourning over the breakup or over the lasting love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Well i think that the best way to get over someone is to keep urself busy!Very,very,very,very busy!Try to go hang out make new friends.Time will heal all the pain.I just went through this nd i know how hard it is but you might not get over him/her in a day but u know youll eventually get use to the idea that he/she is not there no more.I lived with my daughter father for 3yrs nd it was hard but youll get through it!NEVER EVER LET HIM KNOW U STILL LOVE HIM!Do things that make him think u got over him.Never blame ueself it not good! GOOD LUCK!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I've been talking to this guy (my bestfriend)for almost 3years and to realize that he's someone that i have fallen in love with and can't have hurts like HELL!!! But the strange thing abt it is that's it's me! He has often sad that we have to back away from each other but I said NO! Which all that did was add more hurt to me, but continuing to talk and text. So I'm telling you to not continue to talk and text. It's hard and it hurts, but you have to do it or you will find yourself drifting away from all the things you used to do like hanging with friends etc. Just be strong, move on becase there is always someone out there that is waiting for your love as they are waiting to give you theirs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): I understande what you are feeling. I went out with this guy 2 times he dumped me both times. And I was heart broken. We are still good friends but a cuple days ago I told him I loved him and he said he liked me everytime we had a lil fit he would bring up about how he was going to ask me out but this is why he wasn't. It happend 2 or 3 times and I got really upset and wanted to cry. Yesterday he told mi friend he liked another girl. I got really jellioce and mad because he told me he liked me. So I asked another guy out, so he wouldn't have to tell me he liked someone else, because I thought that would be to embaressing. When he found out about me going out with someone he frecked saying I new you didn't like me. i told him he was wrong and that I did love him. But he didn't believe me he told me that you cant get over someone that fast. The problume was I wasn't over him I was trying to get over him. And face the fact that it wasn't ment to be. Now he thinks im a lier, but is still very nice to me he dosen't tell me it to my face which makes it worse, he writes on his msn pm I thought she liked me but she lied. So when ever he signs in that comes up and breaks me down even more. Im not sure yet how to deal with it. I just feel like theres nothing left to me. That all I wanna do is lie in my bed alday because there is no other perpose. I guess we just have to deal with it.
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male
reader, mowntin +, writes (4 August 2009):
my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue, she tellsme she misses me and still loves me but she says she wants to live her life and she feels as though she is holding me back from achieving my dreams. She says that maybe one day we will get back together and i really hope every second of every day that that is true. She is completely sticking by what she has done and there is nothing I can do to get her back now. At first I told her I couldn't talk to her or see her because it would just hurt me too much but she begged me to still talk to her and see her. What do i do? how do i stop this pain?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): well i was with a girl for 2 years. we just ended it despite her constantly going to someone else like a backup if you would call it.. iv ended it so many times its unreal i keep going back to her.. not this time, i want to move.. your guys help has been amazing :) i am starting to like someone else.. her friend :/ but i fear it'll will be a bit awkward.
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female
reader, Amsieee(: +, writes (12 April 2009):
 so basically to wrap it all up
im going through the same thing and after reading all of this well
everyone does love and loose
time is the only healer
we all deal differently
believe you can do it
and if its true love you;ll be together one day maybe not now or right away but one day at least (: that should be enough
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): hi
im kind of going through the same thing
i met this boy through a confirmation class
we clicked almost straight away-soulmates well, almost
and now, weve been meetin up, and ive alot of his friends
and all of them like me
except one who i dont really know
the boy isnt really my type, but suddenly i realised i was almost obsessed with him
and then realised i love him
why couldnt i love one of his friends ?
the problem is, im in a loop
ages ago, his friend asked me out for him as a joke, and i dumbly sed yes
he had 2 explain that it wasnt him
i was so embarrassed, as you can expect
but now
i asked him if he likes me/liked me
he sed yeh before but dunno now
and the biggest problem is that now we agreed were "friends with benefits" so i cant get out of it
he gets 2 do stuff with me but i dont get to go out with him
i think if i did, everythin would be solved
like in that song...how do i make you love me?
how do i get him to go out with me...:( or at least want to :(
hes happy with the situation
but im not
ARGG :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Well this guy that i have been dating 4 almost 11 mounths..it all started off when we was in 2nd grade in i liked him in he liked me back but we just didnt go with each other so i moved to alabama with my dad .. it just seem like this guy dat i really care for is still in my mind ..just wondering do he still live where he use to .. but i moved back 6 years later in me in him bump head we see each other but i wasent sure was that him ... my mom regersterd me 4 school in he went to that same school..so i went up to him 1st in said hey .. in me n him started talking every since then ..he had a girl friend in i had a boyfrind..while both of us had a b/girlfrind me n him was still missing around then me in him went out ..every since then it felt like we was ment to be because god wouldnt have did that for a reason ..we brake up b.c i moved back down with my dad n everything been going worng i have a boyfriend know in i just wished him a happy new year..in he just completly blew me off saying that he got a girlfriend go call your man ...it was hard but i had to take a big step in my life in move on with it its going to be hard but.. if thats where god moved you in life .. just remeber things happen 4 a reason that what i have to look at nomatter what i still love him with all my heart he just going to have to realize that you was the best thing that ever happen to him keep your head up high ..trust me its still hard for me to
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female
reader, Mixylicious +, writes (18 December 2008):
aww hun i feel 4u i know how u feel :( thnks for the reply hun xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): the first person that i read was the girl that is 18 yrs old,and it doesnt reaaly matter what age you are!
i fell in love when i was 15 he was my first love i couldnt tell anyone about him apart from my bestfriend because he was 30 yrs old and had a wife and 2 kids! i felt terrible goin in his car and doin things with him! but i didnt care because i loved him so much words couldnt even describe!
he was chinese and worked in the chinese down the road frm me thts hw we met! he used to ask me to go round the back when he was clossed so he could see me! he was using me but i didnt care! but on day i saw him with another young girl..same age as me in his car! he didnt see me! so i went n i smashed all the window in his shop! i got caught on camera nw i have several police charges! just because iw anted to hurt him the way he hurt me! nw i wish i never smashed those windows because i regret it everyday!hes always in my mind! andi cant face walking by the chinese because it will hurt more if i see him!
i cant get over him n its been almost a year nw!
xxx
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female
reader, Mixylicious +, writes (8 December 2008):
Hi, I'm in the same situation but im only 18 and no one thinks 18 year olds can love but they can 5years ago i got with a lad who i was with for 3years till 2006 and i still love him all ive been doing for 2years is crying my heart out everyday an its horrible. all he did wen i was with him is use me and hurt me he took loads of things of me made me feel ugly and really made me cry. it hurts so much i just cant get over him. i cant talk to anyone bout it cos they think oh 18years cant love anyone. but im dying inside i cant move on at all i havent seen him since we split or spoke to him either. an i keep dreaming bout him an they i wake up crying. i really dont know what to do. it will be 6years in 2months that ive loved him. what do you think i should do? all i wanna do is curl up and die cos i cant hurt anymore then im hurting right now. please help xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): well i have experience with this i know how hard it is but in time you will. Just go out with friends as much as possible have as much fun as possible lifes to short you will probably never forget him but you can move on if you really try to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Cry. Let it all out.
I hate seeing people in such pain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Hey guys its really sad to see so many people in pain.. i am more or less going through the same phase.. i love this guy since college. i simply adore him. the worst thing is that i realised he ll never love me.. he wouldn even care even if i tell him i love him.. i mean its really horrible.. i dont think i can evr get over him.. its been 3 years.. he has been away since a year... i haven even seen him.. i guess i chat with him once in a month o something like that.. seeing him not seeing him nothing makes a difference.. i just know i love him.. so even distance cudn let me get over him.. i cry myself to sleep almost every single day.. this has been happening right from the day i realised i love him.. so al these three years has been more of a pain
i dont expect anything at al from him... he cumin up to me and telling me he loves me too is the last thing i ll evr expect after al the things i've been through.. no matter what i am not able to convince myself because i hav soooo much love to give and it really hurts to know that he wudn even care... again thats not reason enough for me to hate him coz its not his fault if he doesn have feelings for me.. and the worst thing is i looooove him sooo much that i cant even thik of another guy inspite of the fact that nothing is working.. infact i'm planning to live as a spincter if not for him... so al my dreams of having a love of my life.. spending beautiful times with him etc etc are buried deep within my heart which is already a stinking grave.. tears role down my eyes as i am typing this... y me??? i pray with al my heart.. i jus look forward to spending just one day with him and tell him how much i yearn for him.. even miracles cant help me!! lol.. the more i wanna forget , the more it hurts.. even time failed me :( ... hope there is something out there in this world that can heal al our wounds caused by LOVE :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Hey guys its really sad to see so many people in pain.. i am more or less going through the same phase.. i love this guy since college. i simply adore him. the worst thing is that i realised he ll never love me.. he wouldn even care even if i tell him i love him.. i mean its really horrible.. i dont think i can evr get over him.. its been 3 years.. he has been away since a year... i haven even seen him.. i guess i chat with him once in a month o something like that.. seeing him not seeing him nothing makes a difference.. i just know i love him.. so even distance cudn let me get over him.. i cry myself to sleep almost every single day.. this has been happening right from the day i realised i love him.. so al these three years has been more of a pain
i dont expect anything at al from him... he cumin up to me and telling me he loves me too is the last thing i ll evr expect after al the things i've been through.. no matter what i am not able to convince myself because i hav soooo much love to give and it really hurts to know that he wudn even care... again thats not reason enough for me to hate him coz its not his fault if he doesn have feelings for me.. and the worst thing is i looooove him sooo much that i cant even thik of another guy inspite of the fact that nothing is working.. infact i'm planning to live as a spincter if not for him... so al my dreams of having a love of my life.. spending beautiful times with him etc etc are buried deep within my heart which is already a stinking grave.. tears role down my eyes as i am typing this... y me??? i pray with al my heart.. i jus look forward to spending just one day with him and tell him how much i yearn for him.. even miracles cant help me!! lol.. the more i wanna forget , the more it hurts.. even time failed me :( ... hope there is something out there in this world that can heal al our wounds caused by LOVE :)
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female
reader, Snazzle +, writes (26 July 2008):
Dear readers.
Although, at this point in a break up it may seem impossible to forgive and forget..if you really love someone enough and can see yourself with them in years to come, there is hope. Owever if you really cannot picture yourself in complete happiness with this person the mabye you should think hard about whether you really want to continue a relationship.
its almost impossible to remove treasured memories and thoughts of happiness and the feeling of love will never fade. The best way to control your impulsions is to FORGET. Involve yourself in an activity that needs a complete focus from your mind..such as yoga or another physical sport such as jogging. If your mind is concentrated on something else there will be no time to dwell on what you miss. although the idea of ignoring any calls and contact seems unreasonable..it will pay off. Where theres a will theres a way. You cant miss what you dont have. Remember also theres always a reason for everything. AS time passes slowly things WILL get better. Just BE STRONG and discipline your mind, soul and body.
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female
reader, MegsL123 +, writes (17 June 2008):
I may not be the best expert on this but i am totally head over heels for someone, we used to go out and he finished wif me, we still text & call flat out but everytime they tell me never to speak to them i don't, for example recently i got a text sayin maybe its best we don't talk at all anymore, so i didn't reply....less than 24 hrs later he text saying he wanted just one more kiss, i never replied, an hour after that i receieved another text sayin he didnt mean what he said, he missed me, cudnt go any longer without speakin to me and he promised it wud not happen again! The moral of the story "treat them mean to keep them keen" if that don't work, he really don't deserve u anyway and he will realise that when he hasnt got you anymore!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Its been just a little over 3 years since he broke p with me to get married. I was distraught-I cant explain but even the word heartbroken..cannot explain How I felt-My heart is like a icebox-since that very day he told me the words that he had to get married to someone-its liek m heart has never beat another beat-you kno that feeling you used to get in your heart when he used to hol you -make you eel special-LOVE-well thas all gone. Its asif my heart no longer exists-thereis no feeling within it any more.
I have had some minor contact since via text message-and we even met up-after I was out on a night-it wasnt planned-if it was I would have made more of an effort.
Well he came to see me-and gave m the biggest hug-It felf so right-andyou know when you look into someones eyes-at its appears that the persn is looking into your soul-past the body-it felt just like the way it used to.
He made me smile-yes it was hard to talk-I didnt know what to ask him-I certainly didnt want to ask him about marriage.
Anyway he gave me a hug to say goodbye-we never discusse if we would see each other again-and we have not-this was in October 2007. He leant towards me as to kss me on my lips-but then at the last minute pulled away-I left and that was it.
Since then this woman phones me up about december time-and mentions his name asking if I know him? I said whos asking-she sid its his girlfriend-That made me feel slightly better a she didnt say wife? but I said you should ask him. So I text him saying someone called me asking if I knew you-he caled me back-straight asking what did she ay-no how are you or nothing?...you know what writing this down and thinking about this-Im thinking HOW on earth does he care about me one single bit???
Well I said to him she said she ws your girlfriend-by this time I was feeling sick-I said so you didnt get married??-he said I did butshe turned out to be a coniing B~}{ch!
I said so have you got a future with this girl-he said yes.
Like that wasnt goin to kill me!!
He called me later on that day-and apologised-I said itwas ok.
So since December I never heard from him-no happy xmas-no happy new year-I sent him a new years card-i got no reply.
Then in March I see him on facebook-he replies to my message-I see hes in a relationship with this girl-Yes she is pretty-but that should b me in that picture next to him...what about all those promises? you never meant a word-and if I had held that sheild over my chest I would not be heartbroken today. yes 3 years of being alone-every waking thought being of him...wht is this love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): my boy friend and i of a year and a half just broke up i left him because he is a piece of shit lying cheater.... but still i love him more then anything in this world and being without him is tearing me apart. nothing i do gets him out of my head especially when i go to bed, it keeps me up all night. this hurts sooo bad and i need help any answers???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): OK
i gues it is impossible to know how they really feel back or what they think
no one will ever know
i recently lost my girl due to stupidity.. she wants to be friends and theres nothing i can do to change her mind..
she has no idea how much she meant to me.. i cant be jsut her friend i want to be more.. im on a very very thin line with myself at the moment i have no clue either what i can do..
ive tried for weeks to get over her i cannot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): i know how you are feeling, when you really love someone you don't want to let them go. It is really true "thae hardest thing and the right thing can sometimes be the same things" although it is hard to let a loved one go, sometimes you need to to focus on building up your own personal strength and for that to happen you MUST move on. remember, the good times, yet don't let them rule your life. Just focus on the other good aspects in your life and remembe rlife is for living and you should make the very most of it. People change and we are all in some way hurting, but its life and you need to appreciate it and look to the future!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): i broke up with my boyfriend recently. he cheated on me and then just said he doesnt want to be with me anymore.I obviously cried alot but i have now realised that life is too short.REMEMBER all the great times you had together, there is no point trying to forget them, as you should always remember the good times, but its just an era now over in your life. Time to move on.I wrote down on a peice of paper everything i didnt like about him, that i would have changed about our relationship - all things that i can upgrade to next time.Men who hurt us arnt worst our time! Get into the right frame of mind.Keep occupied, and dont sob over old letters and photos, simply tuck them away in a little box, as a memory.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Hey, I agree with what the other girl said here!
It's really not easy though, as I'm going through it myself right now.. just REMEMBER THIS:
Out of Sight, Out of Mind! If you can't help seeing the person bc of circumstances, then DO your BEST NOT TO LOOK their way, do NOT make Eye contact if it can be helped!!
Ignore them as BEST as humanly possible & YES, do try to ELIMINATE ALL CONTACT with them!
KNOW that you can NOT make them CHANGE or change how they feel or who they are.. so if you do NOT like the person for who they are - REMEMBER THAT, as they obviously are not worth your effort AT ALL!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): how to forget that certain person you love is just that simple is to forget. The only reason you ask for help on this is because you always think about yourself forgeting that specific person but you dont realize you would of never thought about that person til you thought about. YOU GETTING WHAT I'M SAYING?!!! Just get throw away all the rememberable things and keep yourself occupied by the things you love (not like) to do like for example go to the spa or go to the movies you wanted to see. To really top things off treat yourself with a overseas vacation you always wanted to take. If you dont want to do that just say busy and keep from contacting or being contacted by that certain other also follow this rules:
1. Get you number changed
2. If you decided to give your new number out and scared
he or she might get it have their number blocked so
they cant reach you.
3. STAY BUSY until you go home for the day.
4. NEVER answer the door if he comes by and DONT even let
him know you are home and still annore him or her if
they know you are there.
5. NEVER so signs of weakness
6. When you see him or her, you Must say hello (wondering
why right???). When you say hi and walk away without
looking like you want to hold a conversation but you
dont. make him or her draw into you and then when they
they think they got you snapp away without thinking and
finish doing what you was doing.
THIS WILL HELP YOU TO KNOW OR PRACTICE SO YOU CAN HANDLE
YOUR SELF IF YOU ARE SOMEWHERE THAT YOU KNOW OR SEE THAT
PERSON AT.
7. If he or she wants you to go somewhere with them, say
NO and if they ask why tell them you are too busy with
something great and just walk away like you dont care.
8. NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER, say i do love you if he or she
asks you do you still love them because if you do they
know they still got you around their finger.
Follow this rules and you will never have to think or worry about that certain one again UNLESS you choose to be.......
Because rememeber you can only get out of something you really want to get out of........
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): Hi
I am going thro the same trauma. I am madly in love with this guy, we were going to get married. But we broke up due to various reasons. I cant stop thinking about him. I have tried all different ways...ut nothing works. Now he wants to be friends with me but if he cant stand up and do whatever it takes to bring me back into his life. Then I dont wanna be freinds with him. Wish i could erase him from my heart, mind and soul. But the more i try the worse it gets. I guess Time is the best healer and pray real hard ...coz you never know when God might just listen to you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): I am going through the exact same thing
my girl said she loved me more then anything
until she ends it just recently all because i tried to see her and she never made a effort and she reckons i got upset to much
i cannot find a way to stop loving her
i try to avoid it but every time i see her it comes back again
shes the only person i can ever love
i think just ignore them
let them come back to you if they really love you
if not then they can fuck of and let you live you own life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Ifeel the same way but mine is so strong,we broke up in september an i still talk to him this very day,and matter of fact i saw him today and all the feelings i had before that were starting to go away came back and stronger for some reason.Bascially after its over let it stay over leave him alone or you will get that feeling of need for him all over again...I TELL YOU THE GAME OF LOVE IS JUST SO CRA-Z
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): I think you should try to get back with him. If you guys had somthing special that should go on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I know what you feel although im not in that same position. Im currently seeing this guy and i have been for a year and a half. He's always told me he loves me and that im his everything. But we always argue about stupid things and i feel like he just takes advantage and its hurting me so bad. I dont know whether to split up with him or whether or not im over reacting :/
Well. I suggest if you know for a fact that you two wont get back together then just tell yourself that there will be plenty more people out there and if he dosnt come running back to you then it obv wasnt love so therefore not worth saving or worrying about for that matter =]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): well you can always talk to a friendor maybe stop thinking about him and start having so funblook in the mirror and repeat I dont love him I dont love him 20 times each day !
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): hi im in love with somone however there things iv hidden from him and i know he loves me to but if i tell him his still going to break up with me so i want break up with him and not tell him the reason but i dont know what to say could you help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): hi there , i have been threw this 3 times all real long relationships first one was 2 years 2nd 7 years and now 3 years ... seems like they allways get harder each time .. its been a month since we brokeup .. the real reason was she was moving away for school , yet told me nothing about it , like i want to u to so fourth.. so i was confused on to if i was being used for a place to stay since she had been staying with me for about 2 years .. so i broke it off yet she started seeing someone else .. that made it harder .. now alls i do is think about her all the time .. at first it was kinda easy but as the days went by it became harder .. so to all out there wondering what is the best way .. it really all depends on who u are how much you love them and TIME .. TIME TIME TIME .. but time sucks heh
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): Time... That is the only cure.. Im going threw the same thing and that is all i can say. Keep your head up and alway think of yourself as a prize..
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): I think you should go back to him, and if thats not possible yet, or at all, wait..just wait and see..I'm in the exact same situation..It hurts..and i don't know what to do anymore..it's been almost 3 months now and i cant her and the feelings of her pout of my mind...so all i can do is to comfort myself in the fact that she still has feelings and i know they are just as strong as mine, so even, she tries to ignore the emotions, and she's cold...but I need her to know I'll always lover her...and I will wait, even if she doesn't, if she gets another man, I'll move on...but otherwise, I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize what i believe in and who i love...I hope she reads this...i really do
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): My ex broke up with me in november
and all i can do is think about everything he ever said, everyhting we did everyhting that happened that day, even still
it's absoloutly tearing me apart
and no matter how much i tell myself i deserve better etc... and all that it seems to make no difference,
i hate him for what he did to me, but, yet i am still in love, and ive even told myself there is absoloutly no way id get back together, and i do stand by that, I've just had enough of feeling like this, its not fair.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): i dont think its an easy process, i loved a woman and was with her for 4 years, we broke up cuz i wasnt giving her attention she was use to, she felt i forgot bout her....but i loved her with my very soul, and now almost 2 years later, she has a baby with someone else, we are in contact very lightly, but thats it. that pain will never leave my body
u gotta talk to urself and tell ur self its not worth the suffering anymore, once u can see the negatives in ur thinkin ur well on ur way
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): After 6 months, someone that I truly cared for broke up with me. It was 2 days after Christmas 2007. I have tried contacting her 3 times in about 20 days. (2 voicemails, 1 snail mail letter) I did not go to her home, job, text message, emails etc. She had a cop using her cell phone to not contact her anymore and she would file a Protective Order against me.
I called the cop back and told him I await the filing and have no problems with this in a court room. I also said that I have contacted counsel regarding the use of a personal phone for official business. Bottom line, I still care for this woman, but I will not curl up, die and be a punk for anyone.
Don't waste time nor energy on someone who doesn't want to be with you. Also, and I know this sounds bizarre....imagine your love making love to 20 people and truly enjoying it. When you can handle that mental image without being upset, you are well on your way to getting over your pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): Hey, um....I'm really young, but i still know how it feels. and in response to what someone said on December 25, 2007.
I disagree with something that was said, i don't think you should live for yourself and only yourself, I think you should love and learn, meaning not make the same mistake twice, but not give up on love. you have to remember everyone is different and that was only one person, they wont all be that way.
Anyways I googled this thinking maybe I would find something to help me, I am so in love with this girl, and we are still trying to be friends but broke up in November, I have no clue what to do. We are still in love with each other, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now....and i don't know what to do....
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): i know how rough you feel my dear :(
there is a guy whom i have loved since i was a little kid and i stopped seeing him about four years ago.....it still hurts like a bitch tho.......the best way to deal with the pain is to keep yourself busy, go out with friends and do things that make you happy, possibly consider starting a new realationship as soon as you feel ready, it might not be love for you but "rebound" relationships have been known to help mend hearts.
goodluck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): I know exactly how you feel. I was with my ex for around 3 years and he was the first man I ever truly loved. He wasn't all that great to me and my family couldn't understand why I was with him so things were pretty tricky the whole time we were together. We split almost 8 months ago (his idea for the third time) and I feel I am no further ahead getting over him. Don't get me wrong, I know he is wrong for me and I know I can never go back there but I miss him and everything about him so much. It's so hard!!! I know one day I will look back and find the situation so much easier but I just wish it would hurry up!! Oh and jumping in the sack with someone else DOES NOT work!! EVER!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): Hi there, I have loved and lost too. I was with my ex two years, we decided to get married, his parents and family were happy, so were mine. We palnning when we wanted children, he helped with my studies. We were always in contact. Then suddenly it was all over in just a few hours. Its now been 4 months since the break up. I am still finding it hard. But the best way forward is to feel whatever you are feeling and to get over it. This can be done by keeping yourself busy. You owe it to yourself. Please always remember that was only a part of your life! there is soo much to do out there, live your live for you and only you!! do things that will make you strong and be the better person.take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Me and my boyfriend were together for some years and the moment I told him i was pregnant he just up and left me. it was the most devistating thing I had to experience. my heart was broken into a million pieces and no one could help me, I had friends and family but no one could feel my pain. For the first 4 months I cried just about everyday, then one day something just clicked and I realized that crying was'nt solving anything. I got out of bed and on with my life. And it seemed like the moment I stopped worrying is the moment he started trying to come back into my life. We are back together now but i will never forget the pain he caused me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I was with a wonderful girl for about two and a half years but we broke up in May. Just before she dumped me she confessed that she had just been using me financially for a few months before she ended it and hadn't loved me the way she used to.Obviously feeling fragile, let down, used and depressed I was an emotional wreck for about 3 months.Since then I have tried to surround myself with friends and not try dating until I felt I was comfortable with myself.I currently have a girlfriend who I care for deeply even though the relationship is fairly new but, deep down I still have feelings for my ex. Not in a romantic way but more in a caring way i.e. I always hope that she's happy and stable or found the right guy for her.Getting over someone you truly loved takes time. As many people have said (although I don't know what truth there is in this) that it takes approximately half the time you were together to get over them completely.Well that means I won't be over my ex until August next year!Hopefully my new girlfriend will help me get over my ex. When I'm with her she completely takes my mind away from my ex and I'm extremely thankful for this.My advice is, just get closer to the friends you have. If they are your true friends then they will never break your heart. After this, the pain will get easier and eventually, you will be able to love someone again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): I truly belive that the only way you will get over someone is by letting time heal your pain. Keep your self busy al the time spend time with family and friends. Go to exercise it makes you feel very confident then you will see you dont need a man to make you happy all you need is you and god. : )
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): sweetheart, go sleep with someone else. not in a bad way but the truth is that its hte best way to get over somone
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): I had a lesbian relationship that was incredible. It was like a lover and a best freind. I went abroad, they cheated and are npw in a relationship with someone else. I still love them and I know that I do. But I can't go back even though it would be so easy and nice...but so unhealthy because they are a bad influence. I think she wants me back but it is complicated. I just don't know what to do. Well, I do. But it doesn't stop it being very very hard. God bless you. He will help you when no-one else can. xxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): My ex just broke up with me about 4 days ago and it's been really painful. I have known the guy for about 4 1/2 years and we were together for about 4. I have never ever thought I would feel such pain in this lifetime but I do, especially now that everything's really been difficult on me, having family crisis (coz my dad has been really sick, still in the hospital), am currently unemployed coz i just had a surgery last month, and doesn't have a permanent place to stay in. To make it worst, I don't have any friends that live closeby. I may have a couple of them but they have their own lives, busy with work 7 days/wk, so no time to go out. Everything that I couldn't possibly imagine is happening right now. It's dragging me down to the bottom and I feel so depressed. Couldn't eat and sleep. I try to distract myself from thinking about these things but it's really, really hard especially when I remember that just last month, I was diagnosed with HPV, one type of sexually transmitted disease which my ex gave me. I was really, really hurt when I found this out. Told him about it but he denied it and said it wasn't from him. It crushed my heart because I have been always faithful to him all this time. Although he denied it - (he doesn't have any symptoms coz it's a "high risk strain" type of virus that can only be found from Pap Smear from a woman; can cause cervical cancer, so he thinks he doesn't have it even though we've never used protection)for about a month, he supported me and promised me that he will never leave me and he will help me go through it. He would call me every couple of hours, everyday just to see how I'm doing and that made me forget about everything but just few days ago, a week before my birthday, he just broke up with me. One night he just didn't pick up his phone and the following morning, told me that it's time for us to part and move on. I don't know what to do. I am really, really hurt right now. Can't function at all. I feel like this is the end of the world for me. I just never expected that someone can be as cold as he is after all the things that I have done for him. He has cheated on me before and I have forgiven him although he never admitted to it but I found so many things that have proved it. Please, can anybody give me an advice? I still think about him deeply and still love him a lot in spite of all of this. I've never loved anyone before him and it's really killing me that I can't seem to get over him. I really need your help. =(
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): hello hunni this is really hard and believe me i know what your going through when your in a situation like this your friends are the most important thing tell your closest friends everything make sure you let it all out dont keep it bottled up they will always have something encorouging to say the saying is true "boyfriends may come and go but friends are forever" hang in there much love x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I have just broke up from a relationship. I really love this guy but because i was jelous and untrusting, i pushed him away. Now when i text or call he ignores the phone, and he wouldnt tell me it was over but he told my sister we had broke up. I am not over him but i find talking with people going through the same thing helps, as most of my friends and family are sick of hearing his name.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): well my ex broke up wit me 1 month ago we dated for 2 yrs and have been best friends for 7 years. so it was pretty much a fairy tale u could say. i was in iraq for 7 mnths, and 8 days before comin back she decides she fell out of love with me.she tries to blame me for things that happened in the past but they are small things that were already fixed. she throws these things at me as an excuse . shes not really breakin up wit me cuz of those things she just flat out fell out of love. well i defenitly agree that not having any contact wit that person is way better i mean i still love her but not knowin who shes wit and wut shes doin is for the better i kno one day shell regret her decision but when she realizes it by that timne it will already be too late. remember u r worth so much more than u think if sum one dont appreciate u , ur better off w/o them
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): i just broke up with a guy 2 months ago, a guy i have been with for the past 3 years and while we were together he had lied to me most of the time, so many things he has done behind my back. now i dont know why i cant seem to end this relationship, i cant seem to forget him, i have even thought of committing suicide, i stoped keeping in touch with him for one month and when i heard he called my friend to ask how i was i called him, ever since than i find it hard to let him go. now everytime i call he curses me and calls me names, slams the phone on me and dont answer my calls it the worst feelling anyone can go through but insteed of letting it go, i call even more and get my self hurt even more. so i really dont know how u get over someone, they say time is the healer i wish it was but why is it not happening to me. life is so unfair sometimes and i wish i was never part of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): me n my ex broke up yesterday we have brokein up a few times in the past. we were with each other for 6 years since i was 14. she was n still is my first love and will always be. i just cant seem to stop thinkin abt her i no its just been a day but i no frm times wen we broke up that it just doesnt get any better fast enuf. we broke up for nearly 2 months abt a yr ago n i was gettin on well n was starting to feel good abt myself but then she decided she made a mistake and wanted to get back together me like a fool said yes i knew in my head it was the wrong choice to make n i no now it defo was. that girl means the world to me n the hardest thing is we have the same friends n she lives only 5mins away frm me so i dont have the option of blockin her out which i know wud help me if i didnt see her or hear abt her. we have both cheated on each other so lookin back the relationship was doomed frm the very start but i cudnt get the strenght up to say its over to her but i did last night but within the hour i was sayin im sorry i dont no y i do it. i just cant explane it. i always read abt ppl feeling sick when they break up n said it was aload of crap but iv gottan sick 3 times 2day i cnt stop thinkin abt her abt all the good times we had.. and then i was reading 1 of ur comments n some1 mention dnt think abt the gud times only think abt the bad n i have to say that helped for ooo abt 2 mins. i dnt no wat to do i feel so lost like i just wanna crawl in2 a ball and have no contact with any1. she is constanly liein to me thats why i decide last night to end it and it was the hardest decision i ever made but i no its the right 1 i just need to find the heart to stick to it coz right now i feel that if i saw her id beg for her back even tho i no she would hurt me again. plz i need support
thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): unlike maybe most of you who have had your hearts broken i on the other hand broke my ex's heart and now its been the worst regret ever in my life.we dated for a year and things were great but when i began my first year in college i thought that maybe my girl (now my ex) wasnt the right one, that maybe there might be someone else, plus i had a foolish crush on my neighbor (who turned out to playin hoodrat) which made things worse. long story short i broke my girls heart to see if there was something else. she wanted me back but i just didnt pay any mind, when i realized that i made a big mistake it was already too late, she was through with me, hated my guts and a few months later got another boyfriend, for the past maybe 8 months ive been tryin to prove to her that im a changed man and to take me back but she just cant seem to trust me (which is understandable). all summer i wept at night missing her, missing how good we had it, missing being in her presense, missing when she told me i love you. she was honestly the greatest thing that ever happend to me and i did a great job on fucking that up. now my heart has a giant hole which i have no doubt that no other girl can fill. i miss her, i lover her to death. but she wont have me back no matter what i do. even though its hard a part of me has accepted that i need to move on (even though i dont want to) and maybe she'll want me back in the future and we can see what happens from there. but until then i know the right thing to do is to let her go even thought im still not over her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Well. I'm having the same problem you are. And i've learned you can't move on because you want to. You have to wait until your ready. Your probably not ready yet. i know i'm not. and it's hard to get him back. if you want him back truely just talk to him like a friend, remind him of why he loved you in the first place. also, look at all his flaws. and remember if it's meant to be, with work it will happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): I don't know what you should do.
I can only give one piece of advice, about what NOT to do - DON'T have contact with your ex. It will just make things harder.
I dated a guy, 6 years ago, who then moved to California. I LOVED him, but couldn't pursue him, we lost touch with each other and a few years later married someone else. This January he called me - he'd moved back to town and was at loose ends. All the old feelings rushed back, and more. I still speak to him once a week, and while it is such a pleasure to be able to see him, it has taken a great deal of the joy out of my marriage. I have much self-conflict, and the security and self-confidence I had have been greatly eroded. Sometimes I feel like I'm corroding inside, as if there is a rusting ulcer somewhere inside my ribs.
I should have declined to see him and asked him never to contact me, although I'm not sure I could have done so.
There is a silver lining: I dodged a bullet. My ex was a (recovering, fingers crossed) crack addict, and now, after his return, a paranoid schizophrenic. (This is one of the reasons I maintain contact; he has alienated a LOT of people, and needs all the friends he can get. Also, I could never leave my husband for a train wreck.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): dearest you , all i can say is we all ahve loved and have had our hearts broken six months down the line i still ache and i dont think anyone shall ever replace my love ,, but as days and weeks go past i get strong and i know i have can love again , and its not your fault your better to know now that spend a life time with this guy , and wake up one day and its over , he hurt you but your heart will heal its wounds of love , just smile and know you have your friends and family close to you , but if tomorrow came and you could have him back dont he will only break your heart again , love is a battle ground and hey every relationship is a learning curb and if you have not learned from what ever went wrong here , but i know you have , so smile do things you love with the other people who love you and dont search for love because the more you search the less chance you shall have, it allways comes to you when your eyes are closed , have faith and never loose you soul and always look at the beauty of life ,,,xxxx love yea lots smile
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): I broke up 3 weeks ago...
All I can tell you is that there are three stages:
1st stage: U hate urself and everything that reminds u of him and wish that things could work out...
How to deal with it: KEEP urself BUSY!
2nd Stage: Going out with ur friends, partying, looking gr8, date around
How to deal with it: it means ur moving on so that great but dont get too attached to whoever ur dating keep it casual until ur sure of how u feel...
3rd Stage: You r really over him... How do u know u reached this stage--- its when u think of him and say to urself 'WOT THE HELL WAS I THINKIN!!' hehehehe
I am currently in stage 2 :))) and to be honest I am having a great time !!!!!!
At the end of the day its great to be single ;))
Goodluck and hope u get over wotever u r in!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I wont go into my story, it involves the love of my life (so far I God damn hope) finding someone else a few months ago. Now I broke up with him twice before so you could say I only have myself to blame for feeling so shit, so I have to get myself out of this.I KNOW I had to break up with him. I have to remember WHY. No relationship is perfect, he pissed me off. I didnt fancy him a lot of the time. I did not get on with his friends or family. His stupidity sometimes seriously got to me. We had nothing in common, except sense of humour. But I still love him deeply. Odd isnt it? My brother says to me ''Just get over it, you dumped him. Deal with it, get on with your life''. I didnt find this helpful. I can moan all I like to my friends or whoever will listen about this, how I think about him ALL the time, have done for months. Sleepless nights, cant eat because I feel so sick in my stomach. I am TIRED of thinking. But there is a light. It has to come from a slow realisation that it really isnt THAT bad. Look at it this way - think how many people there are in this world and the tiny fraction you have met. What are the chances that you would have found the one and only love of your life within those few people you have met?? And yes, it is about meeting more people and accepting that a new relationship would be different yes, and perhaps not what you expect at the start, certainly wont feel the same, but you have to give everything a chance.Look on this as an opportunity. To experience people, and ultimately life. The worst thing you can do is sit on your arse and mope. Get busy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): you know what? I was thinking about my ex just now and instead of texting him (cannot delete his number out of my mind, but please let me know if there is a way to do this) or calling, or leavin him a msg on fb or any other way of getting in touch, i decided to come on here and take a look at how to get over some1 - and im glad i did. i feel uplifted and i think im going to go and bake a cake and then eat it watching a good film with my girls. who needs him? not me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): Crap isnt it.
i broke up with my girl 2 days ago ,been together 2 years,not a single bust up .
come out with the usual about feel we are drifting apart
spent 2 days crying ,but have emailed her to wish her all the best,and hope that we can still be friends(not). just so i can get better closure for my part.
Get out with as many new people as possible(groups are best),just so you have diferent conversations and thinking about different situations.
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reader, ME 2 +, writes (18 August 2007):
girl think of all the bad things he did instead of all the good,think how and why ya'll broke up..do you need that in ya life you deserve better than that.go out with friends n have fun no talking on how u miss him cuz he's not crying or dwelling all night about you..and plus crying makes us look horrible and starts bringing in stress wrinkles:)n if you so happen to bump into him you dont want to give the satisfaction of letting him see what he's done to you.. enjoy life take this as a lesson learned dont fall for another fool like that again..and also put in your head he is not loosing sleep over you...move on..do better..ME ON THE OTHER HAND IM DONE I FEEL THAT MEN ARE ALL THE SAME SOME GET CAUGHT AND SOME DONT THATS THE ONLY DIFFRENCE BETWEEN THEM..P.S. LOVE URSELF. ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IF YOU GUYS R NOT TOGETHER,HE'S NOT FEELING THAT WAY SO SHOULD YOU..LIVE YOUR LIFE U ONLY HAVE 1 TO LIVE..
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): ignor him try and avoid him go out with friends went u start thinking about him check out a hot guy, think of stuf about him that makes u gringe jus try to hate him more than love him
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): i just split with my boyfriend tonight well he finished me. i m 17 and have been going out with him since i was 14. he a yr older than me and he s been in love before but i havent. we lost r virginitys together and i lost everything to him.
its always been a on off relationship but i always seem cum out the hurt one. he very controlling in things he sez and calls me nasty names alot i.e silly bitch and he turns his phone off and ignores me.
last week i had a abortion i was 4months pregent and we had to travel hour and half to liverpool for the termination. he was so supportive but after it was dun we didnt seem as close. the day after he dropped me off home baring in mind no one else no s about the abortion and i was in a state. he then ignored me tellin me fuk off all time on phone and gettin his mum to tell me stop ringing for 5 days. then saw me tuesday we kissed and lead to more... then we cunt even say bye to eachother kept huggin and kissin and felt all loved up again. then he txt me sayin night twice and i love you and then day after completly ignored me so i rsng him about 11pm and a girl answered his phone he lied to me and sed it was his brothers girlfriend but it wasnt it was his friends and they was all ment to b going out but i dont see y he ad to lie. anyway he ignored me ever since and tonight told me he not in love with me anymore and wants nothing to do with me, i m so hurt i feel so alone and upset especially after avin my abortion aswell. he keeps going out and is fine to ignore me but i keep feeling need to ring him and try make him have me bak. he off to ibiza end of this month he went last yr and snogged another lass he met ther. i dont want him do owt this time. plus he s moving to austrailia end of septemeber, y is he been like this please some one message me bak with advice and tell me wat i shud do i feel torn apart
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): For all of you feeling the heartwrenching loss of the one you loved..Im with you. I have loved someone for the last five years and have been without him for almost three. I hear from him every now and then, and I hear how he misses what he had, what a mistake he made in letting me go, how he would love another chance.. When I weaken and give him another chance he backs off and the cycle begins again. It kills me. There is no one I would rather be with. But love doesnt always work out. He will always be my dream that never comes true. Hope springs eternal and hearts are foolish with a will of their own.You cannot control how someone else feels, and you cannot turn off your own emotions. My sister told me not so long ago, that we all have someone we will never get over. I will never get over my Cowboy, but God willing, I will continue to go on without him. "Do not cry because it is over, smile for it happened at all." Hugs to you all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): ive got the same problem as the majority of the people here. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago, we were going out for nearly 2 years. he keeps telling me hes fallen outa love with me. We had a huge argument a few months ago but decided to give it another go, that was the mistake. i miss him so much but he just wants me outa his life. it hurts so bad i dont no what to do.Reading all ofthe answers gave me a good idea what to expect and hopefully they will help me get over him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): You dont. However i will say this i have learned with past experience that the best thing to do is not have contact with this person. Soon your days will turn into weeks and weeks into months, etc, etc. And a year from now you'll find yourself telling yourself , "i cant beleive i cried for him,or her". Trust me , i know it hurts but as the old cliche goes"time heals everything"
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007): hiya
i was and still am in love with my ex boyfriend. he broke up with me last week because he wasnt "in love" with me he was just "physically attracted to me and my personality". i know wtf?
so anyway i was at this party last night which i got to around 12ish and my ex and I were both drunk and hooked up.
I just tried calling him to apologize but he hung up once he knew it was me.
And tbh, i feel more over him as I write this.
Basically, I'm saying that focusing on the bad points about someone helps you get over them, really quickly. Don't look at any nice photos of them and try not to think about the good times.
The bad times and the bad things about that person will work! How ironic.
PS sorry for rambling
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): its hard to get over someone and the longer you spend together, the harder it is. i'm sure that this not news to anyone. the biggest reason for that is because of the fear of all of the time and effort that you have exerted into the relationship over time as feeling like a waste. the situation i'm in is not like yours, but i need the same help. there is someone who means the world to me, but those feelings are not mutual. we are friends and have never dated or been romantically involved in any fashion. i need to drop those feelings and get on with it. it is dampering my thoughts and behaviors. well, i kind of stumbled on a little trick that helps. you can't get over them when you think about all the good times and the things about them that you liked. this is giving them a positive association in your mind. you can break that. by changing your perspective and the way you think about them, you WILL change the way they may be influencing your thoughts and behaviors. they will be whatever your mind tells you that they are. DISCIPLINE THE MIND AND THE HEART WILL FOLLOW
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): Not sure there is a real answer. My wife left me 9 months ago after we had been together 10 years in total, just one year after we had a baby daughter. The terrible thing is that when you love somebody you are incapable of defending yourself and by that I mean that you believe the worst in yourself and that it was all your fault that the relationship ended- so it becomes a vicious circle you beat yourself up and as a result validate the other person's reasons for leaving you.
However remember that you are a good person, that you deserve to be loved yourself and that it is natural to take time to effectively grieve (if you don't need to then in my books you are not really a decent person). Slowly and this has happened to me, you start to believe in yourself again, realise that you are worth more than somebody who doesn't want to be with you and that maybe there are things you can learn from the experience. Having said that the first 6 months were absolute hell and I wouldn't wish that sort of pain on my worst enemy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): I was with my boyfriend for four years, i met him from a really young age so i have basically grown up knowing nothing different. We have split up quite a few times as he is in the armed forces and got sent away a lot so it put a strain on the relationship however we always ended up back together. But recently things jus havent been the same and we decided to end thngs mutually bcause we werent happy together anymore. To begin with i wasnt bothered and it almost felt as though a weight had been lifted and we kept in contact briefly but recently he has had leave from work and we spent a lot of time together and this was the worst mistake i could of made. I feel like i have gone back to square one, i keep crying and thinking of all the good times evn though there were far more bad times in our relationship.
The worst thing is i have met someone else tat i thought i liked and we have been seeing eachother but i have told my ex. im in a tricky situation now as i know im not overmy ex yet but i dont want to hurt the guy that im seeing. I feel totally alone and confused. I just want simple life were i can be happy.
I honestly think if you want to move on you need to get to know yourself and learn o love yourself again before you try and make a new relationship. Don't do what i have done and make the situation more confusing. Just work on yourself and build up your independance again.
I hope this helps x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): i'm tired of crying. i'm still in love with him. i'm tired of hurting and i'm tired of feeling a pit of dread in my stomach when i think of him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): well i just recently broke up with my ex whom i truely loved and lost my virginity to. at times i do feel like crying but like they say everything happens for a reson. the best thing you can do it carry on with your life, go out with mates. lifes to short to sulk. theres plently more fish in the sea! i really miss him and have a idea of what you going through. it will take a while, but eventually you will get over him..
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Hey, ive never been in this situation but lemme help you out. If you really truely loved this guy then it should take you a while to get over him. Do NOT block him out of your life forever just keep him as friends and hang out still. This way it wont make things awkward. You will always have some type of feeling for this guy, and there is nothing wront with this. It will take you time to get over this, but just put yourself out there for the world to see. Dont hide in a shell. I hope this helps!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): I ended -well i guess it was mutual,a relationship. and i can't begin to explain as to why things went so drastically bad.Facts are simple and true and this pain i will sadly hold for a great while. I believed in this woman so much i guess i forgot that i should be treated with a greater respect and think of myself better for letting go
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): Nobody knows the best way to get over somone as everybody is different. In my case it hsa been one month and still I think about him every day...whatever it is I do I am reminded of him and it hurts. I wonder if he misses me and if we will get back together. But honestly, i know we wont. Use this time to be selfish, think about you and what you want. Love makes time disappear and time makes love disappear. Sever off all contact and I am sure we will soon find that to be true. Be brave and be strong, dont send that text message, dont send that email - you'll just go backwards in the healing process and god knows we need to more forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): My girlfriend and I broke up recently and I thought we would still talk, but last week she told me she didn't want to see me or talk to me. I still love her, but I guess it is completey over. I just want to know how to get over her and move on with my life. I still love her and want nothing but the best for her. I just eish I could hear from her. I miss her. Please help me. How do I move on with my life and stop thinking about her 24/7?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): i understand how you guys feel, and what your going through. me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago and im still heartbroken. i think about him so much. but when i look back i only seem to remember the good things like how he made me feel, people told me i "glowed" when i was around him, and good memories..but he didnt really treat me all that great most of the time.
the day after it happened he texted me and said how he didnt want to be with out me and how he cried the whole night. but by the end of the week he was telling me how everything was completely gone foe him and that made me feel so much worse..
so then after we broke up we didnt talk for like a month and then he started talking to me again and leading me on and telling me he loved me and he missed us and everything
and he asked me to this party but i couldnt go..and after i told him i couldnt he said he loved me..and i told him he didnt and he said that he honestly did
and it turned out that at the party that night he hooked up with this girl who he dated a lil after we broke up
and now he's like with her i guess they hang out alot..
and i feel so stupid for still having feelings for him.
but he was my first love. and i cant seem to get over him..but my friends and family help so much...talk to yours and do things for yourself. sometimes after i have a good cry, i look in the mirror and smile and see that im beautiful and i have a beautiful personality. it helps alot to project a positive self image about yourself
and remember if its ment to be it'll be..ani truely believe that everything happens for a reason
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Really there is no way to get over someone..
I guess it's hard to do concerning im going through it
now..maybe it wasn't meant to be or maybe just maybe it was wrong timing..there is still love there it's just put off to the side..
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Well me and my boyfriend have been datind for a year on and off! Well we where dating for about a week! well hes locked up and i dont know what 2 do i guess he will b elocked up for six months what should i do? i love him so much! please tell me what 2 do
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I really needed to read this blog. Recently I've been besotted with a guy (which was part of the problem because I've never felt that way about a guy before). I got hideaously drunk the other night and told him how I felt, very inarticulately. I made a massive twat of myself and I got so angry because I keep thinking that if I'd handled it a bit better, thngs might have turned out differently. I'll not give you the whole story but over the past few weeks I've found the following two things really useful when trying to get over someone:
1. Make a list of all the things you hate about them. This one might seem really childish but when relationships end, people have a tendency to only remember the good times and the reasons why they fell in love in the first place. Reminding yourself on a regular basis that this person is flawed helps remove the rose tinted glasses we often wear when looking back on a relationship. This should give you more confidence and will help if you have to see the other person on a regular basis.
2. Most of the heartache which comes with a break-up or unrequited love is caused by thinking too much. Sounds stupid, but it's true. You either spend your time thinking about how things were (again, only the good times!), how things could have been different or, in the case of unrequited love, imagining what it would be like if you were together. This is unhealthy and unproductive. The best way to avoid this trap is to plan in advance everything you're going to do that day. Fill your schedule with as much stuff as you can and stick to it. This should stop you thinking about your ex (or whoever) for significant periods of the day and with any luck should tire you out enough so you nod straight off to sleep at night.
I hope this has been helpful to someone. Good luck to us all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Hey... so me and my boyfirend just broke up.We were together 14 months. I'm still at high school but no matter what people say, I do believe he was my true love. We shared everything, and every minute of the day we were together was amazing. But, because we were also best friends, we had many little arguements, which all just added up and made me sad. So this isn't the main part of my story. My parents were reading my messages and due to what they said, decided that they were going to make me break up with him. I really didn't want too, but 'mum knowns best.' Well that was a month ago, and I miss him terribly, and although my feelins for him will always remain. I suppose over time i will grow to love again. It's just really hard seeing him every day, especially with other girls. Seriusly though, looking back, he did treat me horibly, and there are others that are worth the pain x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): YE.. There's this really really hot girl at my school.. But shes really shy and everything.. but i dont know i actually really like her that way... So the story is, her bestfriend is my ex girlfriend, so she didnt want anyone to know that we were seeing each other... so that mafe things really really hard.. coz i could see her walk past and stuff at skool but we couldnt talk to eachother.. when we did spend time together on the weekends and stuff it was awesome... and she was perfect... but it just wasnt working,, so i broke up with her.. and this time i'm not going to regret it, im not going to look back
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): ive been really lucky& had a wonderful boyfriend.
i broke up with him 4 times.. wow. yess i kno. but he took me bak every single timee. but i never realized how much he meant to me. now that he's gone with his new girlfriend, i realize how much i took advantage of him. he tells me he doesnt feel the way about his girlfriend like he did about me, but you dont know if he'll be missing her in a few months if he breaks up with her. i feel like such an idiot& i just want my baby back.. but i guess its too late? this is so painful..
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): I'm having quite a confusing time... I just broke up with this girl. Yeah, our situation all points towards the direction of "not gonna make it", so in a way, many people expected it. First, we were long distance. Second, she went back to graduate school. Third, I was busy building my career outside the United States. Even though I was going to come back to the States eventually, it still didn't save the relationship.
Both of us have had relationships before, but we were each other's real first love. And when we started dating long distance, things were fine for seven months. We talked everyday for 3-4 hours. Until she got to school, when she got busy, and i got busier at my work, we talk less and less. After a while, feelings started to disappear.
I still love her though even until now. It's just not as much as last time. However, I still love the idea of "us" together. We even talked about marrieage. What i find sad the most is that how in love we were and how we ended up like this now. I will see her again soon in about 4-5 months. Not sure if by that time, both of us will be single. But do feelings come back? Even after you sorta unlove the person? Will we be able to love each other again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): usually all people need is themselves and a logical way of thinking and that will get you through most things.to lose someone you loved that much is unbelievably hard to get over but... in time, it will be a distant memory. do things you enjoy that you didnt do together, talk to those who truly care, and you will get over him. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): I havent really broke up...but i dunno i think its worse to be in a 'bad' relationship..I feel like im in that situation right now.Things at the beginning were so great, we are dating now for more than a year..and things arent so good anymore..I feel very dissapointed, I dunno what to do..To let go? I dont really want to move on...I dont have the energy to make another relatioship..:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): i have literally broke up with someone a couple of hours...n im actually fine maybe it hasnt sunk in yet and maybe things will get worse wants he starts dating sumone else but i think ..in fact i know ill make it through yes friends family very important i gained a lot of weight when i was with him so im going to the gym concertrating on working hard...but we all should know that breaking up with someone isnt the end of the world he was my first love the one i lost my virginity to n yes i will always remember him but if things aint right they aint rite..i suggest seeing a break up as a new opportunity in life embrace it and see this as a challenge bcuz u will get through the dark tunnel n see the light i know i can do this it will b hard but i can do it!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): In reply to the question, the best way to get over someone you truly loved is to break off all contact. It's so painful it actually and physically hurts, but in the end it is the solitary and only way to get over them. Starting a relationship with someone new straight away DOES NOT HELP. The person you are dating of new will only get hurt. To heal, the only person who can help you is yourself. You are the master of your own happiness. Take the bull by the horns and end all communcation. It is the only way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about a month ago, and has since been seeing a guy 5 years older than us, who wants nothing but a piece of ass and she won't realize it. It has made it that much harder for me not only to not have her, but to think about her with someone else. I became so used to having someone I love there with me in life, that I don't know what to do without her. I am trying my best to get over her but it's so hard, and literally EVERYthing reminds me of her. The only thing i can say is that it does help to be with other people (especially single people) and get your mind off of it. I plan on doing that as much as I can now and I have to show her that I'm over her, because she knows how upset I am and for some cold-hearted reason that makes it easier for women to move on. So all of you in my situation, you're not alone, and I'm hurt too, just hang out with friends, and try not to think about it. I'm sure finding someone else will help, but the hard thing is I don't want anyone else right now, only her. I'm sure many others are facing the same problem, but we just have to suck it up and go. (Also, if anyone else has any advice, please let me know!) Good luck everyone. I know I need it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): It's amazing to me that most of the answers r about the replier's story ... but that's ok ... u c what u r going through is human it's part of life ... there r a couple of things that will help u 1. IF IT IS MEANT TO BE IT WILL BE ... i don't know how old u r but that doesn't really matter I can tell u several of my girlfriends have hook up with me down the road ...U can only prepare yourself for these rare moments or gifts ... STAY POSTIVIE, BUILD YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS ie.. friends and family WORK OUT ... taking care of yourself is important ...2. Try to get him out of your head, ie talking to someone about it, doing different things ie. a white water rafting trip or go to europe or something different, go to your local cancer ward with some good cheer, try to do something different. Writing down how u feel is good but remember after a certain amount of time if it still hurts and u cant get over someone,you know you where in love with them. Now the trick is getting past them. Try to look at it rationally, remember both the good times and bad times, if it still doesn't help and you don't feel any better then go and see a counsellor or doctor3.. GOING OUT WITH NEW PEOPLE (When the time is right for u) it's okay and can be good ... what is hard is when the other person has found someone else... well life an't fair .. just do your thing 'IT WILL BE OK' 'YOU WILL BE OK" ... maybe not now but someday everything will be ok ....
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): The only way to get over a person that you really love is to free your mind,go out and think of your happiness.He does not care how you feeling at this point which means you need to cos no one is going to help you but yourself.you are special dont depress yourself because love is not returned,love has no answers it comes and goes.i believe "LOVE AND DEATH ARE UNINVITED".You shud keep yourself occupied.Life is to short,enjoy it dont waste it.hope things go well and wish you all the best.....!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): my first love and i have been on and off for years, properly apart, however, for 4 months now. these have been the hardest 4 months of my life and i have never cried so much :( last night i saw him, and for no reason he just came up to me and kissed me. three, four, five times we kissed and then he just looked at me. i said i love you and this morning i feel wretched. i really hope time heals this pain :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): we just broke up like a week ago and it is already hard on me every where i go or do it remember me of him,we broke up because he said i need to change and that we might get back together but i know we wont. because i cant change the way i am.i really miss him and love him so much. i just want him to see that.ive been crying so much i dont think i can cry anymore
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): I've just stumbled upon this website by chance, having spent a day with my friends, laughing like everything's okay; the moment I started reading your stories, I felt my heart break into two and now I am crying, not just for myself, but for all of you. I can't work out why it's so heartbreaking, all of this. I think it's maybe because all these thoughts you've all written down have been running through my head for so long now, but I've never seen them right there in front of my eyes: so overt. I can't explain how hard this past month has been; getting over my first love is the hardest thing I have ever attempted and it's, as of yet, not got any better. I dream of him and that's the worst. I am assured though, that things will improve. They must.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): Im still very much in love and it hurts like hell :'(
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): I have found out that getting over someone is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I dated a guy for a year and a half. We had the absolute best relationship. Everyone could look at us and tell we were in love. During the time we dated, I went through a stage where I just wanted to do things on my own, without a boyfriend. Even through this stage we still talked, hung out, and still said I love you to each other. When I finally realized that he was the ONLY one I wanted to be with, we got back together. Things were even better this time than when we dated before, around the 2nd month that we were back together he started acting really weird. Picking fights with me, getting mad at me for little things I have always done, calling me stupid, not saying sweet things anymore. All of these were signs to me that something was going wrong so I tried talking to him about why he was acting so different. his answer was always I'm not acting any different. All my friends and family noticed something was different with him. Finally I asked him if he thought we needed a break and he said yes.. This crushed me. The one person that I knew loved me and no one else wanted to take a break. The first couple of weeks of the "break" were really rough, I was mad and trying to make him think it didn't bother me when really I was dying inside. The last telephone conversation we had during the "break" he said,"you know we will get back together. I can't live without you. You're the one I want to marry." He is now in another relationship with a girl that is still in highschool. Whenever they see me at a party they are like watching a porn video. She hangs all over him and he kisses all over her. What I can't understand is why he is already so happy with someone else when I'm barely making it through each day without him? It has been 2 months since we took our "break" that seems to be permanent and i still find myself crying whenever I see him.. Like I said, Getting over him is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I have faith that soon I will be over him and find someone who makes me as happy as he once did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): i broke up w/ my b/f bout 2 weeks ago and i cant get over him at all but the reason that i broke up with him is people that we know told mee that he was cheatin on me and i believed it now i wish i didnt i still love him i just dont know how to get over him b/c we went out for 1 year and its hard b/c i see him every saturday
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): the only way i got over someone was by finding someone us to spend my time with. I was in a relationship for three year in the only way i got over it was another person!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): To the last girl who posted, I sympathise with you entirely. It's so hard. Nothing harder. I'm in the same position, it's been 2 months, no better, no worse. Having said that, until a week ago we still spoke everyday. Every single day my heart would mend and break at the same time. At the end of it all, though, the worst thing you can do is be in contact with them constantly. It just deepens the wounds and then they take more time to heal. Last week I cut off all contact with him, and I can say hand on heart it's getting easier... Slowly, it is. It stills hurts to finally extinguish that last burning flame of hope which assures you you'll be together again; it works though, believe me, it really does. Be strong!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): It is so comforting that other people have been through absolute relationship hell. I'm reading these responses and I'm crying for you people. I truly empathize. Like Lily Tomlin said, "just remember, we're all in this alone." Right now, I am nearly dead. But reading these responses, I'm confident that things will get better eventually. Thanks everybody.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Worst and best ways to get over someone you loved:
Worst = dating someone else straight away, and Im talking like a week after; you're just using them and it's a rebound no matter what anyone says and you've got to remember you'll be seriously hurting someone else's feelings, someone you perceive to be indifferent to love so you use them. I did this, I really hurt someone, I feel awful for it. Best way = do everything the last guy said: go out, do something silly, laugh at stupid things, upload and share your problems with a friend, bake something. They're all temporary highs, but like pennies they all add up. Tried and tested :) Im on my way to getting over my first love, it's still hard but time heals all things. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): It is a challenge to get over someone that you love. There are many things that you can do to help yourself. Generally people that are having a hard time recovering from a relationship tend to think about that person frequently throughout the day. This not only takes up your time but your emotional and physical energy as well. Set a schedual for yourself. Write down a list of goals that you would like to achieve. Go out of your way to do something for someone. When your single again, you start to re-discover all the small things that make life so enjoyable. Get up early and go to the gym. Meet some friends at the cafe for lunch. You will have more time in your day now that you are single. Join an excersise class or maybe a book club. Be yourself. Try new things. Enjoy Life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): Im finding this so hard to deal with, getting over someone. I think it is so difficult becasue I still believe there's a glimmer of hope we'll be together soon. He tells me all the time 'I miss you, I miss you'. For example last week I went to his house and it was the happiest I've been in months. But I stepped out of the door and burst into tears; I cried for 6 solid hours - I didn't even know that was possible! He is with someone else, I was told two days ago. Last night I dreamt of him, and I woke up feeling wretched and just wanting to cry and cry. I'm up now and it's raining and everything feels wrong. I don't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry for all of you who are going through the same thing, but I do believe things will get better for all of us. If anyone has any advice please post it, I think I for one could use some! xxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): its really hard to get over someone just trying dating other people
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): I've been in love. I am, in fact. I am in love. It sucks, huh? Oh yeah, the type: unrequited. The worst of them all. Seeing them in the street is worse than being knocked over by a bus travelling at 100mph. The blow is harder, the impact deeper… God, it really does suck lol. When I hug this person… I feel different. According to my friend, I even look different. I think that’s possibly the time in my life when both the happiest and saddest I've ever been. Hugging him. Happy for the fact his arms are tight round me (sorry, I'm normally not one for corny clichés, but it's so true), heart-breakingly distraught for knowing it won't last longer than 11 seconds. If that. :( I want to cry right now but I happen to be surrounded by people who think I am doing my French coursework, and it may look a tiny bit odd if I become seemingly overcome with emotion for my essay on globalisation. I have one really excellent example, however, of how you DO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT THEM. I thought the caps might be a nice touch there lol, really drum it in. But anyway, 2 months ago I couldn't wait for the moment when I got home and no-one was in and I could have a really good cry without the concerned eyes of others bearing down. It then… got slightly worse. I used to cry on the bus, in school, at the table, in the car… Ridiculous huh? But true. So, to summarise quickly, it usually gets a tiny bit worse before it gets better. But after that it was a very quick upward curve. I began to be able to control myself, not feel the NEED to cry all the time, not WANT to cry - which is a key pointer that you're heading in the right direction. I'm no longer a blubbering wreck if I ever see him on a night out, I smile, coolly sip my drink, give a small wave, and move on. God…it still REALLY SUCKS lol. But things get better. I am living proof, along with one hundred billion other people in the world. It happens, every day :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): Falling in love was the most painful and hard experience of my life. Every day I miss him more and what hurts more than anything is that he is seeing someone else. Someone he has told me 'he doesn't even like'. This, of course, is a lie. Every time I hear a vaguely sad song on the radio tears spring to my eyes and (I don't know if anyone else has felt this) it is so painful I almost feel a physical ache in my stomach. It kind of lulls and makes things worse. In response to the question, I don't believe you do get over someone you loved. HOWEVER, it is possible to live without them, grow, change and, inevitably, love again. I truly believe this. It's very comforting to know others are going through this... :) Everything will be ok. Things have definitely improved for me over the past months, and I am genuinely quite happy despite things. :) xxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): There are many ways to get over someone you loved.
It seems to me, that we change over time - vent out the "other" one, in my early 20s I listened to music, read some books, went to the gym, went out with friends, though sad daily, etc.
First time in 7-8 years, it happenned again, and I ended up searchin Google to get some advice - pathetic, isnt't it? I use same things, now I even write poetry, which hasn't been happenning in years...
It seems, similar things work - to VENT OUT SOMEONE, just be active, use all kinds of activities to vent them out, but be down&cozy alone, if you need it. Talk to your friends, but to some point, if you talk too much, it willl remain a BIG issue in your life. Watch what you say about it and how you say it... "Yes I am still hurt, but I am happy I have moved on..." or "Yes I am still hurt and I don't know how to get out of it". Make your statements and thoughts somewhat positive - even if untrue, because over time, your brain, if not your heart, will recall that you are getting overe this person, or tell your self "I am totally true and independent person, and I have abundant love for myself" - do not mention the name of this person you try to get over - given enough time, weeks, months, ... you will make a distance from what WAS.
Focus on someting or someone new, not as an escape but if you are ready for them.
Do not make a mistake, if your ex contacts you - do not fall on sweet talk, think about it, be aware you have been hurt once, do you want to be hurt again?
Visit the places that connect you, but not daily, not if you plan to really get over this person. Or go there, and say goodbye to what was, be in peace with it, and start living in the PRESENT!
My initial way was to break all contact with the person, if possible, for a while, but it turned out a while became forever.
Sometimes that approach is no possible , if you see someone daily, at work or otherwise, but no matter what the age, mine or the person's, the best way is to tell yourself that you notice that person, but you do not really see him or her. For a while let them just be a shadow, later they may become, if ever, a person to you again. Protect yourself that way.
Sorry if this was too long, M.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): I'm dealing with the same thing, my girlfriend of almost 2 yrs broke up with me about 2 months ago. It helps to know I'm not alone. Friends and family tell me to forget about her and move on. I wish it was that easy. I've spent the past 2 months blaming myself and asking her to give me another chance, basically giving her justification for ending the relationship with all of my apologies. Now I'm starting to realize that I really didn't do anything wrong, we just didn't get along as well as we used to and she was tired of the fighting. I guess at the time I was sick of it too, but now I can only remember the good times. If we were to get back together I'm sure we'd end up having the same stupid arguements and we'd both be miserable. Regardless, I'm sitting here right now deliberating whether or not I should call her. What's the point though? It only pushes her further away. I guess the best thing I can hope for is that if she still loves me, she'll contact me. If she doesn't, what is the point of trying to force her to be with me? That would be senseless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): i read this, and every time i hurt i just read it over and over.
As you grow up, you will learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let you down probably still will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break other hearts. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose somebody you love. So take too many pictures. Laugh too much. Forgive quickly, and love like you've never been hurt. Because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness that you can never get back. Remember to live in the present rather than always focusing on some distant outcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): I broke up withmy ex 5 mns ago, but we still talk on the phone and see each other regularly. I so badly want to cut off the communication. I know he is not the one for me and have even written a list of all the pro's and con's of staying with him. The list of con's was 10 times longer than the list of pro's.
I keep on reading the list but have no strength to move on.... I am still praying to be strong daily. There are days when I cry a lot, but I have faith that God will help me through this. I wish you healing too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): it was so nice to come acorss this thread to hear im not the only one going through such a painful time, i was with my bf 2.5years and he was my first love and it makes it so much harder,(ended just few weeks ago) i finally understood what love felt like and well because of constant arguing (long distance) it had to end, he had become horrible and not the man i fell in love with. I see things about him, how it looks as if he is moving on so fast and enjoying being single this makes me hurt so much more. But one day itll happen he will move on and accepting that is something im trying to dealing with. I dunno if you feel the same but i think what hurts more i not so much that its over, but that they dont seem to care and you think if they loved me so much why arent they begging to be back..
I dont understand it, but looking at things about them doesnt help, makes you start all overagain. Personally let go of little things day by day its what im doing. I loved them but i hate the person they are and i have to keep telling myself that, you wouldnt be happy forcing yourself to be with someone like that again. Slowly im removing things of him, like photos etc but of course i havent let go fully yet im trying and its still so painful right now, but i hope i manage and im still in the mode of thinking will they call? do they actually love me? even care, but personally its wishful thinking, keep active and find things which make you happy, and see the person you can be without them. Day by day hun..hard but we can do this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): I am actually going through the same thing me and my boyfriend of 2 years have split for complicated reasons. anyway i no its seems like for some strange reason its getting worser everyday and all you want to do is punish and blame yourself for the breakup even if it was your fault. You have to forgive yourself and just learn from it 4 future relationships just let your self cry and feel the pain 4 alittle while this will eventually go away you will feel tired of hurting and you will be over it i no its so painful and also stop day dreaming wondering weather he will come back. if its true love he will come back if he dosent then it wasnt meant to be. so try and go out with close friends family and socialise meet new people keep busy 2 take your mind of him i promise there will be better days. and just think about future plans and think about your soulmate and how you would like to meet him etc. listening to depressing music seems like it dosent help its actually so painfull because the sad lyrics actually start to make sence but if u keep listening to it you will be so tired of it and you will be able to move on. good luck and god give you strength you not on your own i have gone 2 stupid lengths because of my sorrow and i am still hurting so bad but im just trying to look forward hes not worth it be strong and good luck!xxxxxxxjessicaxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006):
Although it may be a cras way to look at love, in times of need and comfort (such as a break-up) it helps:
everytime you feel like you absolutely need this person, that you can't go another day without them and that you will never recover from losing them, remember that it's all just chemical. It's a learned chemical need in your brain (really).
These "loved ones" become like an addiction, and so letting them go is just like quitting one...tell yourself that it's just chemical next time you feel helpless and desperate for him or her.
Also, occupy yourself with lots of activities (as others have mentioned). These activities, however, should NOT include reading (your mind will not allow you to focus!) or listening to music (every song on the radio will remind you of SOMETHING painful). Avoid these two activities for a while. Take things day by day and try to prevent yourself from thinking of the situation on "into eternity" -- or 6 months, 1 year, 2 years from now...etc...this will drive you crazy. Live each day in each day -- and focus on yourself.
Another individual on this post mentioned adopting the mentality, "everything happens for a reason." Believe this and you WILL find piece of mind. Maybe you crave having the other person around you like old times...but the end of your relationship was meant to be...for right now or forever and something else in life is waiting for you to accept that and move on to it. Keep this in mind.
Finally, your loss is so hard because, in a sense, you are losing a part of yourself. It sounds selfish, but it's true and by letting this person go, you are letting go of who you were with them. Keep this in mind too when you think that he or she is the only one or thing for you (it's not true!!!)
Take time and things will right themselves!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): just try to do things to keep your mind of him, also it helps to listen to songs that remind you of him i know it sounds stupid but it helps and i spose every little thing helps i hope you get over him :D na dget on with your life and sooner or later find the one
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Forgive them and let them go.
Stop dwelling on the past. Stop regretting.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): I know the feeling but my girlfriend snogged 8 or more people and had sex with one person that really hurt as it was the end of the first month but, She was my first love and it really hurt to think the girl that said she loved me could do something like that and because i was a sucker for her i asked her back out she agreed and so on went another month and during that month the first 2 and a half weeks were fine but during the next week and a half she was giving me less kisses, less hugs and generally showing less affection towards me at the end of the second month she dumped me for good and then went on to the boy she had intercourse with but she thought someone else liked him and that they were close this wasnt the case but as she knew i still liked her she would come to me to look for sympathy but in the end i just wouldnt at all. Now she is with that boy and i keep it quiet but it still really hurts me inside because for them 2 months again i would give my life. i havent ever really got over it but when i think about her and her new boyfriend it makes me realise im never going to get her back because she told me so and that they can do what they like because its completely out of my hands so try as hard as you can to forget about your ex boyfriend and always hink of him as your ex so it will help you to come to terms with the fact he isnt your boyfriend anymore...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): I hear you loud and clear. My boyfriend of 16 months broke up with me thru email last month, and made it very hard to realize that it was actually over until I learned that he had started sleeping with someone else right away. He won't acknowledge it as cheating or that he handled it poorly.
I realize now he'll probably never give me the resolution I need from him. And being alone isn't so bad - as long as you keep your family and friends in your life. What gets me thru these days is the memory that I was very happy before this relationship, and I know I will be happy again. Remind yourself of your strengths and qualities, for those were what attracted that person to you in the first place. Most importantly, let yourself grieve. While this hurts indescribably, it gives me pride to know that I could love and open up to someone so much. And if I could do it once, I'll find a way to do it again when the time is right. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2006): Ways of getting over:
1. Say hi but never say hello again.
2. Pick up the broken pieces but never fix it.
3. When you lonely think of the good times that happen between two of you.
4. Forget but not regret.
5. Move on.
4.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): Im just at the begining of this road, my boyfriend of 4 years dumped me, now wants be back. he has been seeing someone else and it hurts so badley. i want to go back to him so the pain stops but this is the second time he has done this and being with him is a nightmare but its hard to find the strengh . i want to get to the light at the end of the tunnel but i love him and its thr most pain ive ever had. lets just hope time does really heal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006): yep its absolultly true that when your in love it rips you apart and all u want is the ground 2 oopen and swollow you whole but to be honest there is no real easy way to get over someone that you have loved but i no from experience that it does get easier especially if you have something else to focus on like date someone new for example but it will get easier
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): I'm going through the same situation right now, my ex had said that we just weren't moving forward anymore and now I I just have gotten my career started, she had said that she's taken a backseat to it. I have been together with her for almost 4 years and to have it suddenly end is very painful. Right now I am focused on my career still, and take up a hobby that gets your mind off her. I am starting to work out again, and will try to make time to hang out with more and different friends also. Things will always come up to remind you of her, but you just have to bear through it at the beginning. This is by far the most pain I have ever experienced, but things will get better, ask anyone, things do get better and time is the best healer. Maybe also try to get rid of everything that reminds you of her around the house/apartment. Start new.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2006): myself and my fiance recently broke up b/c she wasn't happy and probably seeing someone else..we just bought a house together and she basically walked out w/o much explantion or guilt..anway, its been 4 months..and i still cry about it..i sometimes go to the house we once lived in together to mow the lawn or do some fixing and i'll just cry..very painful stuff here we are talking about..i don't know if anyone can tell you how, b/c i really don't know..just know that this happened for a reason and that there are better people in this world who will see eye to eye with you and never make you hurt like this..you don't desreve to waste another day of YOUR life on someone who just doesn't care like they should..your better than them!
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reader, Mindy +, writes (19 May 2006):
I also broke up with my first love...and to tell u the truth, u will never get over them. But what u can do is fill your days with things u love at present. He will pop up in your head from time to time. But keep him in the past and if its EVER meant to be..it will be. Its now bn 18 months since my break up, i was 3 years with him, and im fine. Friends are everything remember that hun!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2006): A few months i broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months but best friend of 7 years. I loved her so, so much and would have done anything for her. She didn't know how to tell me she wasn't in love with me any more so she tried to push me further and further away with her actions. She made it pretty obvious she wasn't in love with me anymore but the stupid thing was the harder she pushed the harder i clung desperately to the possibility that she may love me again. I thought i could make her love me again and everything would be perfect. This was over a year ago and a part of me still misses her but an even bigger part of me used to tell myself that longing after someone who just wasn't in love with me anymore wasn't going to help! So i made the effort to stop thinking all those thoughts we all torture each other with after a break-up and even though it hurt so much at the time i did it.
It will seem like the end of the world and you think that there is no way you will ever be able to get over it, but trust me you are great and you deserve someone who see's that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006): I'm getting over someone at this moment. He was my childhood sweetheart. My heart is broen andmy stomach is empty, i have been able to sleep for weeks, the hardeset of it all is that he did used to be so in love with me then I made the biggest mistake of my life of cheating on him, I admitted knowing deep down that he wouldnt take me back but I have to be free of the guilt. I cnat explain a heartache but theres a hero inside you thta helps you out and guides you. Theres someone else out there that can love memore than he ever could i'vejust got to wait untill i find him. I cry all teh time and i've changed form this experiance. smile because you neva know who is falling in love with it...............
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reader, louder than love +, writes (27 April 2006):
i know exactly how you feel.my bf dumped me 4 months ago... i'm still not over it. it hurts because i still communicate with him and i know things will probably never be the same. our conversations are short and there isn't much to say anymore. all i can say is keep going, stay strong, go out and see some friends or do something you really enjoy... i know it's not easy (infact its the most difficult, painful task ever) but unfortunately thats life and we have to move on. Remember though that all the memories you shared with your gf will remain with you forever. Try not to dwell on the past too much (i do it alot) but look back to the good memories. Like everyone has mentioned, Time is really the healer. Depending on how strongly you felt for that person it will take longer but you can overcome it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): i know exactly how you feel.my bf dumped me 4 months ago... i'm still not over it. it hurts because i still communicate with him and i know things will probably never be the same. our conversations are short and there isn't much to say anymore. all i can say is keep going, stay strong, go out and see some friends or do something you really enjoy... i know it's not easy (infact its the most difficult, painful task ever) but unfortunately thats life and we have to move on. Remember though that all the memories you shared with your gf will remain with you forever. Try not to dwell on the past too much (i do it alot) but look back to the good memories. Like everyone has mentioned, Time is really the healer. Depending on how strongly you felt for that person it will take longer but you can overcome it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2006): Keep yourself occupied. Spend a lot of time at the gym. I'm not a scientist, but I know that when you're working out, it releases good chemicals in your brain which will both make you feel good and take your mind off her/him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2006): I can relate to that... my girlfriend who I loved and still do love more than my own life dumped me recently. She would tell me that i was the one for her and that she loved me, making me only get more attached to her. Now she tells me that she never felt chemistry between us and doesn't love me intimatly. I am having a very hard time getting over her especially scince we will remain friends and talk activly every day. I just can't bring myself to the point of resenting her enough to stop talking to her. Something that helps me is to keep myself busy with activities such as school, mind games such as Sudoku, and anything else to keep me from lying in my bed thinking about everything that she has been putting me through. The worst thing ive found that i've done is to listen to songs that remind me of her when im out and about and can't be alone enough to let my feelings out. I saw another piece of advice here that i agree might help, and might try myself, which is to write about your feelings. Unfortunatly, the only thing I think may truly heal a broken heart is time, but im not sure how easy that will be. In the mean time, i would just try to keep yourself busy, and, if your not like me, try to find someone else whether it be for company or to find someone that loves you as much as the one that you have lost.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): sometimes it's easy to tell to forget about him/her... but the truth is its very hard to forget someone important to you or someone you loved... you know what still now i still cant forget someone i've loved 9 years have passed but still i cant move on..i always think that maybe things will be different for now if only ive tell her what i really feel that time but i know its impossible right now she have her own family now and guess i will be alone for the rest of my life...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2006): I'm going through the exact same thing right now, the love of my life dumped me one month ago and i can't get get over him, and the fact that we remained friends only makes it harder.But I discovered writing about your feelings in a journal (could be an online journal like LiveJournal, Xanga, Myspace etc.) really helps.Another thing that's helped me is doing stuff i like. Go to a party, hang out with friends, watch the tv shows you love and stuff like that.Crying helps a lot too, don't be afraid to cry, nobody has to see you, just lock yourself in your room, put some sad music on and let the tears flow, you'll feel better after that.
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reader, browno +, writes (29 January 2006):
good question i have no idea what to do though my girlfriend recently dumped me now she going out with my cousin and i feel like i was nothing
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): Yeah its the same with me but my freinds said that hes not worth it. Guys use you. So I do other stuff like hanging with freinds that are'nt around him. and when I think about him I shot some hoops that helps.
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reader, malaysianfeet +, writes (25 January 2006):
Go and do stuff that people do when they split up. Take time to reflect what you contributed to the break up. Hope that he is doing the same. Let time take its healing toll. Then if you find each other again, take it from there. Otherwise you are both better off. Without each other. The split was for some vague reasons. Both of you said some things that you both regreted. Hurting people hurt other people. In this case each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2006): I am not so sure that true love can ever be "gotten over." When I was 27 years old I met someone for whom I fell head over heels in love. Even though I thought I had been in love before, as my new relationship progressed I knew that this was the very first time I had ever experienced true, deep, passionate love down to my very soul. We went our separate ways over something that, in retrospect, we could have easily worked out. That was in May of 1999. Here we are, almost seven years later, and I am still in love with him just as much as I was back then. He and I are still in contact (mostly by e-mail), and I know if he could go back and change history he would so that we could be together now, but the next girl he dated after me trapped him with a pregnancy, and now he is married to her. He is unhappily married, but is too stubborn to remedy the situation. I, too, am married, but if I had a chance to be with him again, I would give up my marriage and do it. If I believed in "soul mates," I would say that he is definitely mine. I don't know if things will ever work out where we will be together, but I am not going to lose hope.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): quite often you think you miss the person youre trying to get over because theyre unique and u will never find anyone like them again or ever feel as strongly as you did for them.but mostly youre just missing all that time and emotion you invested in that person..give it time. all that u gave to this guy will come back to you ready for you to give to somebody else but let yourself heal. dont mope about doing nothing.occupy yourself with as many things as possible provided they have no relevence to this guy.spend time with mates. you can do it i promise,i've done it..and i was so in love with the person that i was contemplating suicide..u cant get much worse than that! ..and now i'm fine! chin up girl x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): I think if they dumped you that you should just keep thinking of that. I've been in this situation recent and i feel your pain. Between songs and just seeing his name on a movie screen makes you think of him. Don't waste your tears on him, you can probably do better anyways. Don't show your hurting, try to look for someone else. BUT DON'T COMPARE ANY OF THEM TO HIM. I always do that and that makes me not want to meet someone else. Theres no cure to get over someone you have to do that yourself
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reader, K +, writes (14 November 2005):
i went through the same thing as you a few months ago.i was really in love with this one guy,and for no reason at all he left me.he then emailed me and told me he had been cheating on me.i cried for months and had that painful feeling in stomach for a long time,but you have to realise life goes on.I started goin out with my mates more and meeting new people.you soon start to think of other things.i'm now in a new relationship with a guy who is even better than him,and im so much more in love with him.
life gets better as you go along, you go up in life. the next person you love will probably be better than the last. i really hope this is some comfort to you,try talkin to people too,that helps. gd luk hun x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): i am going through the same thing right now as you are, i was going out with a guy in the marines for three years. we broke up a couple of months ago and i cant get over him. honestly, ive tried everything and nothing has worked. i believe we cant just get over someone, they will always have a piece of out hearts if we truly loved that person. i dont think there is a way to get over these men because they have made an impact on our lives. we cant forget them, its impossible, but we can move on and start over fresh. dont hide your emotions it will only make things worse, it would be cheating yourself. just take it day by day and remember to take time to yourself to heal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): The truth is that you never really get over someone who you tuly love, love never dies therefore the only solotion left is to view it as a pleasant experience and open yourself up to new loves.....trust me...they are out there waiting for you...all you gotta do is let go of the past and focus and your present, which you gotta make sure is packed with activities that serve as distraction.
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reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
You may always hold a torch for this guy even years from now when you are old and have grandchildren, like a light in your heart. Two months have gone by and your heart still aches for him. He must be really special. Acceptance is the greatest healer of all. Imagine yourself making a permanent space for him in your heart. Make it really beautiful and you can visit it when ever you like from now untill the end of time. You can cry when you go there or smile as you remember good times.
Delila
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reader, cassie-lee +, writes (22 August 2005):
when i broke up with the love of my life i felt like i was dying. I could actually feel the hurt in my stomach for months. When i got really down I drew dots on a piece of paper. when the page was full i told myself that the dots made up my life events past present and future and what i was going through now was just one little dot that i would eventually not care about.
this may sound a bit strange but it made me realise i just needed to get through the pain and then it would all be over and i could get on with the rest of my life (lots of dots left to experience!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2005): There is no sure-fire cure for the heartache of breaking up with someone you love. You've only just broke up TWO short months ago and your grief and pain is still raw. You still need more time and space to get through this- everyone goes at their own individual pace. But believe me, time is your friend and the hurt of loss will ease up, eventually. You just need to get there.
In the meantime...help yourself by doing a number of things. Share your feelings. Some people find that sharing their feelings with someone they trust - someone who recognizes what they're going through - helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. Others find they heal better if they hang out and do the things they normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take their minds off the hurt. Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful so don't let the rest of your body get broken, too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a boost.
Remember what's good about you. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to help you remember what's good about you.
Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room/place or try a new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened-working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process-it just means you should focus on other things, too. Give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing! Some people feel that nothing will make them happy again and resort to alcohol or drugs. Others feel angry and want to hurt themselves or someone else. People who drink, do drugs, or cut themselves to escape from the reality of a loss may think they are numbing their pain, but the feeling is only temporary. The person isn't really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all their feelings build up inside and prolongs the sadness.
Sometimes the sadness is so deep - or lasts so long - that a person may need some extra support to deal with a broken heart. For someone who is not starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful.
So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 August 2005):
You have to get out and find things that occupy your mind in order to forget. Every time you think of him, change the subject in your head or go and do something to occupy yourself. In time, you will stop thinking of him so much.
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reader, pops +, writes (8 August 2005):
Don't waste this time. This relationship broke up because two people couldn't or didn't make it work. Take a critical look at what went wrong, and what part each party played. Revisit the issue and jot down notes to yourself. Talk over the relationship with best friends. Their insights might astound you, and make you wish they had said something to you sooner. But I agree With Happy Time Harry: You have to give yourself some time to grieve. You can get help with grief counselors, by contacting your mental health offices, or even funeral homes. Losing someone you love does not depend on how it happens. Grief is very real.
When you are feeling better, start dating again. Don't expect too much. Go easy on the dates and don't try to find Mr. Right, or Miss Right the first time you go out with someone. It happens only about as often as in fairy tales. Give yourself the time to learn to like yourself, and others. When you get comfortable, then, and only then, can you expect to begin to fall in love again. But, the next time, you should know a lot more about yourself, and how you interact with the people you choose to love. That will help you make a better choice about who you love.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (8 August 2005):
I know you're hurting, but know also that we all bleed the same way that you do. For most bad things, just having a good attitude and determination can get you through, but there are those ones that seem like they will never heal and you'll never be the same no matter how you take it on. You've been dealing with this for two months already, and that says a lot. It says that even though you can't banish your ex from your thoughts, you have the nerve and desire to go on with your life. All you can do is make yourself wake up every morning and pretend everything's ok even though it's not. Don't give up on anything or anyone you love, and you won't lose yourself. One day you'll wake up and it'll hurt less, and less after that. What happened will be nothing but a memory that won't have the power to hurt you like this anymore.
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