A
male
age
51-59,
*onfusedthistime
writes:Hi everyone whats all this about can you help me, im going mad.Over the last 12 months my marriage has broken up, we were together for 7 years. Myself and my wife have had affairs, She moved out some months ago. Two weeks ago we both admitted the affairs to each other, i want to reconcile, im still attached to her, she does not, she wants a divorce. Both the affairs are over. She says she does not want me, she does not like me. She now tells me that we can have sex, no emotion, no intimacy, just sex. I have had sex with her in the last few days and feel really confused.Why is she doing this?Why is she behaving like a prostitute?Is she trying to break my attachment to her by being unemotional?Please help, i feel out of it.
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affair, divorce, moved out, prostitute Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 December 2009):
I'm aware this is basically one more way for you to get at your ex as she has commented below.
But "Why is she behaving like a prostitute?"
Seriously? You honestly believe that we are supposed to believe your honest intention when you slander her like that for *gasp* wanting sex?
You need to seriously take a long hard look at your attitude to women.
She doesn't want you back so move on and get a life.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Hi, one of the things that struck me when I read your post was that you seem confused about her just wanting sex from you............do men not do this all the time? ie separate sex from a situation/person & just enjoy it for what it is ie satisfying their appetite in the moment! Maybe she loves you - maybe she doesn't - but many people say 'love is not enough' & others seem to think love is what gets you through - so who knows! The thing is that your relationship has been dysfunctional because you have cheated on her and she has also had affairs. Does she feel that your behaviour drove her to have affairs to look for comfort elsewhere. Why did you have affairs?
It really seems like you need to take some responsibility for your side of things and I agree with the poster who advised you not to call her a 'prostitute' - that comment gave me a big insight into your own attitude .. it is a very disrespectful thing to say about a woman to whom you, at one point, some years ago, made serious and respectful vows to in front of other people!! She is not a prostitute just a human being who may be as confused as you are and even if she is just using you for sex, you seem to be enjoying it and you seem to have hopes of repairing your marriage - is this because you are scared of being alone or do you genuinely care for her?? It seems like you need to have a mature chat with her and be respectful and maybe discuss having a little bit of space from each other with no sex (??) whilst you both work out what you want to do. Good luck to you both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): I was only asking what people thought about the sex and no emotion, i am not trying to publicly shame you. I want you and your love not your body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 Hey, there is a big chance that someone won't want to go back with you if they have been involved in multiple affairs, only to find out you have too.
Affairs are usually a sign of something being wrong in a relationship that isn't necessarily associated with sex, especially with women. They sometimes feel emotionally neglected or not appreciated, or maybe she just got tired of being married and wasn't even ready in the first place. After seven years of this rather unhealthy relationship, it seems only natural that she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. As for the sex? Maybe she just wants sex. Maybe she used all her other outlets up and now she's using you for it. And hey, I wouldn't call her the prostitute. You're the one that had all those affairs as well, and you're taking her offer up for just some casual sex. Which makes you one as well.
So what would I do? I'd say no to her sex offers and get your urges fulfilled by some other means. That way you aren't playing games and you won't find yourself feeling attached. You two have already tarnished this marriage, so just accept it and move on. Best of luck to yuo.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): maybe your wife is sick and tired of the emotional abuse she has been on the receiving end of over the years. Maybe she cannot trust you. Does she have reason not to trust you. Maybe she is sick of you being in denial and lying to everyone to make her out to be the bad guy. Maybe you have abused her trust so many times she feels nothing for you. Maybe you dont deserve her. Maybe you are a narcissist. Maybe this is your last ditch attempt to try and shame her publicly and get people on your side. The whole truth and nothing but the truth... Have you posted on here before????
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2009):
I think she's trying to keep you on a a string to be honest. She has said she doesn't love you, so don't allow her to use you. If she wants anything, she has to go with you to a counsellor. The more she uses you, the more you will want her back and pander to her every whim. Let her go.
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A
female
reader, Xolani  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 At least she is honest about her feelings for you now you have to be honest to yourself. Cut your loses and move on you will find someone who'll love the whole package not just sex. It's hard to let go after seven years but tough times never last only tough people do..Good luck....
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (28 December 2009):
Have you heard the song by R-Kelly ("When a womens fed up")?
You'll find your answer.
Youtube it
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Well it sounds to me that all she wants at all from any guy is sex but she doesn't just want to settle on one guy because she will get bored. What i just said sounds pretty bed but take it how you think it means. Seriously you might be attached to her but she is not she is just using you for sex I for one wouldn't mind that at all from my girl friend but still it would her to know she doesn't love me. You should start looking for someone else because I think tghat is what she want to fuck any guy she wants not to be disrespectful or anything but its true. Listen to this song; FMLYHM by seether (It will probably help you a little bit to understand and cope with this situation)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): aka gazzy
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