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male
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*reenman
writes:Hi AllPlease helpMy girlfriend of one year has these traits. She is too bossy* Says I do everything wrong around the house* Housework and cooking have to be done her way* If i clean kitchen but leave milk or sauce out she complains* Hates it when I express different views than her* Says that my thinking should be more inline with hers* Hardly ever apologises for rows she started. I do.* Twice i snapped back and now she says i have issues. She always snaps but forgets that* Get annoyed when i have extra beers\wine at home on weekend night* I irritate her and she says that I am the only person that has ever got on her nerves like thatI have started standing up to her but that only causes even bigger rows and then i'm the villain in her eyes However, she never stops me seeing family and friends which I believe is a big sign that someone is controlling, so may she is not controlling ?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Exactly right, what does it matter whether we classify her as controlling, the question should be are you happy?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Controlling or just a pain in the ass- does it really matter?Its not uncommon for people to have different ideas on how a job should be done. If your standard is way below the norm (eg- the plates you wash still have food on them when you put them away) then you should bring up your effort.If her standards are way above the norm, then either she will need to learn to live with your work or take over the job herself. Its the responsibility of the person who wants extraordinary work effort to provide it. I dont see how you defend leaving out the milk when you clean the kitchen- that doesnt work for *anyone*.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 November 2009):
Yes, she is controlling. You're taking nothing abuse. So now the question is do you want to continue taking it, or would you be better making a run for it?
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female
reader, dazey  +, writes (11 November 2009):
mate, she might or might not be controlling but she's definitely unhappy. I reckon she's henpecking you, trying to force you to go because she hasn't got the balls to walk out on you. She's turning you in to something she can dislike to make it easier when you do split. I've been there and done it and I see it for what it was- and what a b*tch i was! Both of us have split up now but we're mates- luckily- and I have finally had to admit that after thinking I was she-ra, actually I'm a bit useless!My advice would be to leave her (at least on a trial basis) and state that as much as you love her (go on, stretch the truth!) you can see that you're making her unhappy so it's best if you leave now while your still mates. See how you get on. go on brav, take a stand!!
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Hmmmmm....
"However, she never stops me seeing family and friends which I believe is a big sign that someone is controlling, so may she is not controlling ??"
Maybe she likes it when you are not home...not to rain on your otherwise shimmering list of her qualities or anything.
You are getting bludgeoned with red flags and wondering if there might be a problem. Cant you see that?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Your girl is indeed controlling. Here's the proof, in your own words: "Says that my thinking should be more inline with hers". What I see here is someone who can't handle differences, and won't compromise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I wouldn't say that she is controlling, but maybe you have both reached a rough patch in your relationship? Sometimes we can start to forget why we are with a person, and why we wanted to be with them in the first place. We can start to take our partners for granted, and see only negative things. Could this be what is happening, do you think?
Are things stressful at the moment? Being stressed out can often lead to problems like these. Perhaps you both could try doing something together, something romantic. Maybe you could both agree to try not to argue, and go out somewhere together. Arrange a date, and try and remember why you are both together. Something like that might help to rekindle things.
I do wonder if maybe she is troubled by something, like work perhaps, or family, or something else? However, it must be difficult for you. You must feel like you are walking on eggshells! Have you tried to talk to her about how much you dislike what is happening? She might not be aware of how this is bothering you, as we can sometimes fall into a habit of being a certain way. So maybe trying that might help.
But ultimately, if things are really getting that bad, it's not a healthy sign in my opinon. If she is so irritated with you, why is she with you? If things are getting that tense, then maybe suggesting a break apart from each other might help. Taking some time away might make you both appreciate each other more, and give you both some time to think and gain some perspective. But if things don't seem to improve, then I suppose you will have to decide if it is worth staying in the relationship, if things are getting so strained.
Good luck, I hope things go well. x
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