A
male
age
41-50,
*oneball
writes:My girlfriend and I have been going through some rough times lately, and things look to be going downhill fast, no matter what I do. She's 8 months pregnant and I know her hormones are raging, so I've put my selfish needs aside in an attemp to ease her, both emotionally and physically, to little or no avail. That, however is a question for another time, just a little insight. My real question is about our sex life. I know sex in the third trimester can be iffy, but with us it's non existant. I recently checked on our parental controls for the computer and found a slew of porn searches concerning rape, stepdaddy domination and fisting. I found these searches occured during times when the rest of the house, including me, is sleeping. When only she is awake. She's made it known in the past that she can only orgasm during intercourse if she feels dominated or imagines she's being raped. I don't think this is healthy, but I've played the dominant role before to make sex more enjoyable for her. I'm just wondering if I should fully embrace her fantasies, taking full control and having my way, or should I take a more mildly domineering approach? I'm not personally into the rape fantasy, and I doubt I could make it believable without feeling dirty. I would just like to know if anyone else has had a similar issue and how it worked out for you. Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, bitch +, writes (13 November 2009):
This is truly a normal fantasy for women to have because it is just that, A FANTASY and it is safe. It is about being desired and being wanted. She is normal for having this fantasy.
A
male
reader, Toneball +, writes (11 November 2009):
Toneball is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your input. I had no idea how common it was. BettyBoop; thank you for the elaboration to why she could be having these fantasies, it really cleared things up for me. For some of the others; she can have an orgasm, I just do it manually or orally, which I'm fine with. I also understand she may not want sex due to the pregnancy, and I'm fine with that, I was just quite disturbed to find that she was searching for stuff like that. Thank you all again, you really put my mind at ease.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 November 2009):
Be a good partner and the moment and just take care of her. She'll need it. As for her fantasy, it's very common and is called 'safe rape', where clearly it's not really rape, but the idea of being dominated and wanted by someone. It can be done safely, but be careful in case there are any past issues that make her feel this way.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (11 November 2009):
 I think for a woman the fantasy of rape is a VERY common one. It is for myself and I've heard an read in magazines and research articles that it is a very common sexual fantasy. It's not as dark and "crazy" as it may seem. It's got nothing to do with real life or actually wanting to be raped. I think it has something to do with being desired and wanted. I read that its to do with, in the past socially women were not being meant to want sex and thus the fantasy of rape eliminates the feeling of guilt perhaps assosiated with it. If the woman imagines sex as rape she isn't responsible for it and can feel good about it. Hope that makes some kind of sense?I wouldn't worry too much about it. If she's 8 months pregnant she's hormonally and emotionally all over the place no doubt. This is probably just a release for her.Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Well no one else is going to do it so I'll thank you for being a stand up guy and putting up with a crazy chick. On the rape stuff I'd strike a very fine line, because this could very easily spill over into the rest of your relationship. If she has some "stepdaddy" issues that eventually have to be dealt with in a clinical setting, you dont want to have already installed yourself mentally as the predator proxy. When she eventually deals with her rape issues she'll toss you out with the bath water because you have become too closly associated with it. I'd suggest that you draw the line at some restraints perhaps with some of those shape pillows. That way that you create an environment where you are in control but in a "Showtime after Dark" way, not in a "Hostel" or "Saw" way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with a rape fantasy, per se, but if you're not "in" to it then I'd leave it in the realms of fantasy. Explain to your lover that you feel you can't give her this without feeling dirty yourself, she should accept this.
It's a shame that you say your lover can only orgasm during sex with these sorts of fantasies in mind, especially if you can't deliver, she might begin to feel unfulfilled. I would interpret the rape fantasy loosely however, as I think it suggests that she's in to domination, and that can take many forms. Perhaps introduce a bit of light bondage, tie her up and threaten her a bit? The bondage will make your lover feel controlled without you having to act like a fantasy rapist... let the ropes do the work!!
I think you should let your lover indulge her fantasies with the porn, and perhaps you could get involved. If she were mine, I'd confront her with the porn searches. I'd sit her in front of the computer and tell her I know how naughty she is and what she gets up to at night when you're asleep. tell her you found the porn and play it for her. meanwhile lash her wrists and ankles to something secure and say she's not getting out until she's watched EVERYTHING then go down on her or similar while she's watching the porn. ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): She might not want sex right now because her body is busy preparing to have your baby! I would worry less about rape fantasy and `having your way` and for the moment, just concentrate on supporting your partner and maybe even try working on the problems that are making the relationship go downhill.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Don't give in to this fantasy, EVER.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Do not indulge this fantasy of hers until after her 6 weeks postpartum check up.
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A
male
reader, SJC +, writes (11 November 2009):
Fantasy and reality are two vastly different things. Rape play is just that, play. At any time either of you can say stop and the game is over. Would it be better to call it something else? Suprise sex. :)
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