A
female
age
30-35,
*arfunkleaj
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for just 4 months now but we have been seeing eachother since last July. He is honestly, the most caring, loving, gentle man I have ever come across ( and I am not saying that because he is my boyfriend ). I have just turned 18 and he is turning 21 this May.He was in a relationship for three years, and he ended it with his ex, as she cheated on him multiple times. He broke up with her over two years ago. Within one month, my boyfriend fell in love with me, and that was the first month we knew eachother. However, I didn't know that until he told me when he asked me out in September. He treats me like a little girl, and he hates the fact that I turned 18. He told me ' I will always be his little girl'. He likes to take my make-up off, and sometimes when I am so, so tired, he will brush my teeth. He is extremely mature for his age, and is in college, studying an incredible intensive course which he spends 5 days a week working so hard. Every weekend, he would spend it with me. One time we were on his bed, and we were messing around, and I said something in which he replied ' I own you' however, he didn't mean it in a stern way, it was just in response to something. A few weeks ago, we were up in his attic , on my facebook. He went on it and we went through everything together, as he wanted to put my page on complete private ( which I did too). He then told me he wanted me to delete every person I don't talk to on facebook, because there is no point being friends with people I don't know, or don't talk to. So I un-friended numerous amounts of people, and he watched the whole time. I then told him sometimes guys mail me, and he told me to block them, saying ' Only if you want to'. We also went away together recently for two nights. If I would wonder off, he would say ' come back here' and make me hold his hand. When we were going swimming, I put on my bikini and he said ' I thought you were going to bring a bathing suit? we can go down to the shops and get you one', but I said ' why? it doesn't matter;. We were in the sauna, and some guy came in, and my boyfriend placed his hand on my shoulder, and then let go.He also despisese wearing make-up, and always tries to take it off.I haven't been out in so long, not because my boyfriend says I can't go out to a bar or whatever, but because I would rather be with him, or if I was to go out I would think of him the whole time. The other night I was texting my friends and my boyfriend texted me saying ' how many people are you talking to?' And I replied saying ' three' Nd he said ' start saying goodbye to them, bedtime'. Last night my boyfriend went to the cinema with his friends and for some reason my anxiety was very high. He texted me back late and then he got home at 3. It's like he can do that stuff but if I did it he wouldn't approve. The other night I went to my friends house and didn't tell him, he started questioning me and being like ' why aren't you studying, when's your dad collecting you'Recently, my friend posted on my facebook wall about some guy who wanted my number. My boyfriend saw the post, and questioned it, and I deleted it. I love my boyfriend very much, but our relationship is so intense. He does have a few close friends, but he isn't popular and would rarely go out much. He gets my tweets sent to his phone, and always checks my phone. Is that controlling or? And also..these are just things that I would think isn't ok. He is beyond amazing, caring and sweet. He cherishes me, I could be here all day writing the amazing person he is
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broke up, facebook, fell in love, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AProblemShared  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 You have to wonder if his behavior pushed his ex away to someone she could feel comfortable with. I have seen this problem very close to home and as the years of allowing it to happen it grinds you down until you have only negative opinions about yourself. Wearing make-up and a bikini are ways of making women feel good about themselves and attractive. He is seriously controlling and with someone dictating how you dress, what you eat etc how are you ever going to feel like yourself? Hope this helps and I wish you all the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): Unless of course you stand up to him and walk. if you're happy on the other hand, then there's no problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): I think he should build a robot, program it to follow his orders, and then date it. That's what he expects of you.
Of course he's allowed to do whatever he wants and you're not, why would he spoil his own freedom and fun, you're the one he's trying to restrict from having a life and your own identity, not himself.
Yes he is controlling, and he will never change. You are his property, he owns you now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 “He is the most caring, loving, gentle man…” do you say this to convince yourself or us? Because he’s not loving or caring or gentle. He’s controlling, and manipulative and emotionally battering.
“he treated me like a little girl and he hates the fact that I turned 18” well treating you like a little girl is not caring or loving. And HATING that you turned 18 is just plain odd… what does that mean? (RED FLAG NUMBER ONE )
“He likes to take my make-up off, and sometimes when I am so, so tired, he will brush my teeth.” That’s just plain odd again….
“he is extremely mature for his age” UMM no he’s NOT
“One time we were on his bed, and we were messing around, and I said something in which he replied ' I own you' however, he didn't mean it in a stern way, it was just in response to something.” Then why did you feel the need to mention it. I’ll tell you why.. because it’s ANOTHER RED FLAG (number TWO)!
“He went on it and we went through everything together, as he wanted to put my page on complete private ( which I did too).” HE wants your page COMPLETELY private… what’s the POINT of having facebook then? RED FLAG NUMBER THREE
“He then told me he wanted me to delete every person I don't talk to on facebook, because there is no point being friends with people I don't know, or don't talk to. So I un-friended numerous amounts of people, and he watched the whole time.” Sure there is. And he’s putting limits on you and you are allowing it. RED FLAG FOUR…
He is not cherishing you honey
An adult does not brush the teeth of their partner unless they are unable to do so physically due to a stroke or other impairment. PARENTS brush the teeth of their TODDLERS to TEACH them how.
A man will not control what a woman wears (hair, makup, clothing) He may have a preference (for example my hubby likes my hair straight and likes me in short skirts and heels…. Guess what I’m wearing today: flats and jeans. He will cope)
You will stay with him I’m sure… till you can’t bear it any longer and the break up will be ugly. I am betting you will be posting about being stalked as well.
He is over the top, insecure and childish. You are misinterpreting his controlling manipulative insecure childish behavior as love. It’s not.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 he is controlling you yes.and you already know it. But the question is wat are you gonna do abt it? Are you gonna wait till things gets more intense for you? Or will you leave before it gets totally out of control?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 January 2013):
 My only comment is, Yikes, you actually have a question whether this guy is too controlling??!!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 I'd say he's VERY controlling. In fact , I am surprised you haven't had to call the paramedics yet to save you from the danger of dieing asphyxiated.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 The guy you've described - and his behaviour - is rather "over the top." I would attribute it to both his immaturity AND his prediliction to control.... In my view, EITHER is reason enough to give you pause.... BUT, his exhibiting BOTH (attributes) probably "tells" you that you are in for a rough ride if you continue to spend time with him....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (25 January 2013):
He's too controlling. Something sinister about the way he dominates you. Don't stay just for the good points, take heed of the bad and move on. Be your own person and look for a relationship on equal terms with mutual respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): Big alarm bells are ringing here. Only 4 months in and he is trying to control you, your life and your friends. Don't be fooled - men like this are often very charming, it is part of the whole scenario. No matter how amazing he is, you have your own life, your own friends and make your own choices - no matter what he says, you have to hang on to that, it is your right. Successful relationships are based on trust and can allow space for individuality. So be wary and don't be manipulated.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend is aged 20, two years ago (when he was 18) he broke up with his girlfriend of three years, (he was 15 when he started dating her). To be honest your story sounds like a windup, a falsehood, or fabrication.
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