A
female
age
36-40,
*uliet24
writes:I have been single now for 7 years. I am 25 years old.I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me. It's either I meet guys who aren't interested in me or guys that I am not interested in but they are. I have been on many dates but the ones I like never seem to want to take the relationship further. It is really getting me down. Someone asked me the other day how long I had been single and I got really embarassed. Is it weird that I am still single? I always worry what people think of me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (22 July 2012):
I know how you feel as we are somewhat in the same boat- granted, I'm a few years younger than you are, but I have not had a relationship in four years and have been dating during the past year, but, as you said, those I'm interested in are not interested in going further and those I'm not interested in are.
Are you weird for being single at 25? Hell, no, you're not. You're not single because you can't find A man -any man- that would be with you; you're single because you'd rather be with a man you like and could possibly fall in love with, and that simply takes longer to come across. Look, I have so many friends of mine who are and have been for years in relationships with guys they're not really interested in just not to be single. Do you really want to be like that? I know being on our own is not easy, you often look around and see couples, you go watch a movie and 9 times out of 10 there's a love story somewhere in it, you read a book...You get the gist of it, don't you? We're surrounded by romance and I know firsthand how hard it is not to feel 'excluded' from it, when you don't have that in your life. Still, would you rather be like some of my friends and waste years of your life being with somebody just to avoid this? At least we're not settling and we're still free to look around and find somebody we actually love and will love us back, instead of grabbing the first barely decent guy we find and make him our boyfriend 'just because'.
I have issues with your last statement. Don't worry about what people think about you- they have no room to judge you whatsoever, no one does. First off, I'd say it's none of their business how long you've been single for and if you don't feel comfortable disclosing that, then simply tell them it's a private matter and you'd rather not discuss it. What if you told them you've been on your own for years though? Again, it's not because you CAN'T find somebody- it's because you won't settle just for anybody. I think a lot of times idiots assume that if a woman is single it's because she lacks those who'd pursue her- which is just downright stupid, because, let's face it, if you wanted to have a relationship for the sake of it you'd be in one already in no time whatsoever. You could just go for it with one of those guys who are interested in you but you don't reciprocate and be done with it, couldn't you? Just in the past year, I could have done so with 3/4 guys- I could have called it a day and date the guy who's been asking me out for nearly 4 years, one who started making plans to see me again the very first time we casually met, the one who's been courting me on and off for one year and a half...Yet I did not, because, whilst they're good people, I'm not interested in them in that sense. Don't let anybody bring you down, keep yourself open for the chance of meeting somebody new and interesting, hang out in places where you know you'll meet the kind of guys who share your interests and to hell with anybody else.
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 Believe me, there's nothing wrong with being single!
If other people find it weird or embarrassing that you've been single for so long (and I don't understand why they would), then that's their thing. Like Aidan said, you aren't a more successful person because you've been in and out of relationships all this time.
I enjoy being single. It's a relatively new development, but one I have NO problem with. Up until I was 23 years old I was constantly in and out of relationships. I never gave myself a chance to be single. I didn't realise then what I was missing. Now I have umpteen failed relationships under my belt, and the distinct impression I am impossible to be with. That hasn't done anything positive for me in that regard, so you see, it's really not that fantastic.
At the end of the day, you do what makes you happy. You shouldn't settle for anything less than what you want, and you haven't been. That is a good thing. Don't be ashamed of yourself because believe me, there's nothing to be ashamed about. When the right person comes along, you'll know, and you'll appreciate them all the more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): What's bad about being single OP? Are you a woman that needs a man in her life to complete her? Are you one of these people that thinks you're less of a person because you don't have a man? If so then why? What makes you think you have to be such a slave to us guys that you need one of us?
I'll never understand those people OP, I always loved being single just as much as I love relationships if not more.
I do understand the pressures you're under though OP, I've even studied it academically. Society has taught women to believe that they should devote their whole lives to getting a man. You wear makeup, pretty clothes, have cosmetic surgery, cosmetics all to attract us, everything aimed at women in the media TV shows, Films, songs are all about romance, love and getting a man. We basically still own you women so much that the majority of you really can't handle not having a man. Mothers, friends, sisters all continuously question women who are single and single women are always portrayed as being sad, lonely failures, depressed because not having one of us guys means you're a complete failure at life.
My question to you OP is knowing all this how can you not rise above it? I know plenty of long term single women that have. I know plenty that are very happy in their lives without a walking penis in it.
What do you really need us for OP? Do you not have love in your life? Do you not have companions? Do you not have happiness? OP being single is not a disease and if you want to be just another slave to advertising and societal expectations then go ahead and be embarrassed and feel like a failure.
It's not as if you can't have a guy, you just haven't found a guy that you click with yet, you've dated, you've been with guys, you've had interest and will continue to get interest from guys so you know you're desirable.
Just enjoy being single, enjoy your freedom and fill your life with beautiful things and people. Just be glad you're not one of those women who is pathetically desperate for any kind of romance that they will cheat, go back to cheater, stay in an abusive relationship and the whole myriad of bad treatment so many women endure because the prospect of being single is so extremely horrible to them that they'd rather years of abuse and pain.
Be your own woman OP and don't be embarrassed about being single there are so many positives to it and don't listen to idiots who tell you that you need a man, you can either be our slave or you can just enjoy your life and not let things as menial as this get you down.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 It isn't weird, I am 40 and still single. I have had boyfriends the same as you. I am currently in a relationship, but I am ok with being single and actually enjoy it. I have a lot of friends and a very active life. I remember feeling this way when I was your age and especially into my 30's. Everyone else was married and had children and I didn't. One thing I noticed though was that many married people were not happy together, so I would rather be happy single and wait on the right man.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (22 July 2012):
"I always worry what people think of me."
I think this is the problem, OP. Insecurity. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Just because other people you know hop from relationship to relationship doesn't mean it's ideal. You being single means you are independent and won't feel lost quickly when you're not in a relationship. I know girls that are so used to having boyfriends they panic when they break up because they've forgotten what it's like to not have one. They sometimes date just for the sake of it. I don't think that's healthy either.
As for dating, if you are desperate, it'll show. You have to be relaxed. I couldn't find a guy for a long time, but someone eventually crossed my path. I'll happen to you too.
Why not try to find guys you simply enjoy being around without having an immediate prospect of a relationship? Get to know guys before you take the plunge. I always felt dates were so forced because it's such an all-or-nothing deal. You're basically sizing someone up to share your life with. It's easy to get rejected that way and it's why I don't really go on dates anymore.
I just met guys at the hobbies I'm involved in and just had a good time. If I wanted more eventually I put myself out there. Sometimes I got rejected, other times I didn't and some guys even saved me the effort by asking me.
If you get the question of how long you've been single, you can always say you were occupied so much with your career, life, etc. that you didn't have the time left to properly devote to a relationship. Basically show people you have a life worth sharing and aren't one of those waiting for someone else to complete them. But above all, don't care about their opinions until those people have proved themselves to be meaningful to your life.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (22 July 2012):
It isn’t weird at all. It’s better to stay single until you find the right person, and until you’re ready for a relationship. People aren’t more successful because they have shorter periods being single, or because of the number of relationships they have.
I wish you all the very best.
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