A
female
age
26-29,
*?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]
writes: Okay, so as me and my friend were walking she told me the reason why I don't get guys is cause I'm a virgin. She said if I lost my virginity then that would be better. Since she said a good percent of guys prefer non-virgins rather than virgins. I'm not sure, I've known this girl for 8 years now, and she has been there. Throughout the years she has got me in alot of trouble, and I got out of very bad habits.. I know I already asked a question, but I just need some advice from both the guys and girls. Is that she told me true? Or is she just trying to have me do something I'll regret like her. Maybe she isn't a true friend? I don't know. Just let me know please, and thank you so much, god bless.
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female
reader, LolaBolla  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Alright, staraight out: that's a complete myth.
It also depends on what kind of guy you're looking for. Womanizers, for example, typically want a girl with experience because their looking for a good time with no strings attached. Men that actually want a relationship want virgins because:
1) They feel a certain pride their her "first"
2) Preserving her virginity makes her look like a
trustworthy partner-- he can rely on her
3) Most men like the dominant role in sex
4) Excuse my crudeness, but virgins feel better (for men)
than non-virgins for... anatomical reasons...
No offense, but she doesn't seem like a dependable friend. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't try to impose her beliefs on you.
Many people who feel like their "bad" like dragging other people down with them because they feel its "okay" if more people are doing it with them-- that sort of peer pressure is REALLY common with girls especially.
Don't compromise your beliefs for anyone-- do what YOU want to do
A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (11 October 2010):
[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] is verified as being by the original poster of the question![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Thank you all for your comforting answers. I really really appreciate it! I don't want to lose my friend but I do feel as if she gives me alot of bad advice, maybe a form of jealousy?
I'm not sure why though. & I don't think I'll lose my virginity any time soon, I'll just wait til I find the right person, who I'll have that special attraction and good bond with. But anyway, you're all great, god bless you guys! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): She has a point! If you werent a virgin and slept around you would get guys much easier... but is it what you want? No. Just dont feel pressured into anything.
It is personal preference (including whether a virgin is more "points" or screams inexperience) and depends on whether the guy is virgin or not.
A "non-virgin" typically has greater confidence around the opposite sex... (confidence attracts) although this isn't a fact or rule; I know of many virgins past and present who are extremely confident around the opposite sex and no most are not sex after marriage minded people.
What you need to do is sit down. Discover which category you want to fall under: Save virginity for marriage, save virginity for that very special someone (i.e. that you are likely to marry one day fingers crossed) or lose it when you become weak (whether drunk, to a bf who just wants you for sex etc.)
Most people keep their virginity to around 18-19. From age of 13 (and I know from my won experience not so long ago) it increases with time up to 16 where you feel "everyone has done it" which really isn't the case. Of course, some would have tried it - its their choice and their business, not yours.
So instead of just saying "dont do it", I am laying out both sides so you can make your own mind up about it. Friends come and go (not that I am saying get rid of her although I feel ignore this bit of advice) but you only lose your virginity once and don't forget... if its not a good experience (be it he stuck it up your ass afterwards, or it was very painful due to lack of lube, or he treated you in a degrading way etc.) it will hinder your confidence and have the opposite effect as you are trying to achieve.
It is all about growing up and becoming more wiser over the years. You can only dwell on your experiences but you can also use others experiences who they have shared with you to avoid making those mistakes. Do the minimum you can do to "comply" with the rules of school etc. (i.e. popularity etc.) but do not try to exceed at such implied "rules". It is best to ride it out until after you have left school. Whether you have sex with a bf, casually, with that special someone or after marriage it is your choice but at that tiem you will have a greater understanding of the situation.
Would I personally prefer sex with a virgin girl or non-virgin? Excluding underage girls... it all depends on who the person is. If they are special to you, virginity is a goldmine. If the person is just a girl who is a virgin, it isn't important, its a bad thing... inexperience etc. Someone who was forced by peer pressure into sex and had a bad experience.... thats worse than an very experienced person and a virgin combined.
It works vice versa, if you become special in a boys eyes, your virginity will be a goldmine and he will wait for you. If he is too pushy with sex then you arent special to him. At school environment... it could be a trophy to "take" someones virginity. Add a school "crush" to the list due to popularity etc. and you are easy.
So make the right choice. Only you can do it and only God can judge you for it (although obviously you have to pesonally deal with any consequence of such decision). Hope this helps :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Having sex with guys will help get you more casual sex with more different guys. But it won't get you any more solid relationships than staying a virgin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): This is not a friend first of all. If she was a true friend, she'd encourage you to stay a V until you found a boy you at least liked and cared for, especially at that age you need to still give that a huge chance.
At my age, its a different story but I wont get in to that.
This friend could be a bad influence and Id advise you stay away as I think she may be trying to turn you into something you are not.
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A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (11 October 2010):
No she is a loser!! Don't listening to anything she says. SAVE your self for a guy you love and wait to your much older. The only reasdon why guys like her is because she is having sex with them. Don't do it.
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A
male
reader, kewuoygy +, writes (11 October 2010):
Call me a Neanderthal--if you will. If I could be at your age again, I would never fall for a girl who has been with multiple partners--and brags about it. To me one's body is sacred. Your body is a gift to the one you truly love. Sex is a mutually gifting relationship that expresses a deeper union of the soul and the mind. Many of your peers at your age, especially boys, see sex as conquest or for girls, as a way of gaining popularity. That's having sex for all the wrong reasons. What's more, letting fast boys (or girls) have easy access to one's body (or taking pride in one's sexual conquests) says a lot about that person's character--easily succumbed to the passions of the moment.
Virginity is mocked in contemporary culture, and you may be under a lot of peer pressure to be sexually active at your age. But you need understand that your body is sacred and a precious gift, so much so that you only give to the one you genuinely love--for life.
You should lose your friend rather than your virginity due to peer pressure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Really? Guys in your age range actually have sexual preferences? Holy Jeez.
You are not old enough to be having sex, let alone losing it to please some grouping of pre-pubescent males who think they prefer non-virgins. Such bullcrap.
This is like that girl in American Beauty who talks like she is so experienced in sex, but is actually a virgin herself. Don't do it honey...you will wish later you waited.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I agree. Your friend is a dope. She might be a popular with guys, but only for a night, max. Guys very much want their women not to be sluts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Your friend is defiantly an idiot, and not much of a friend either. You may need to start branching out a little and seeing if you can find a new friend to hang with. Ideally, one who will not get you into all kinds of trouble and pass on bad habits.
Horny guys who simply want a quick lay may be attracted to girls who they know (or wrongly believe) have put out in the past. Sounds like she's trying to convince you to do something that you're going to regret, possibly for the rest of your life.
At your age, it may just not be your time to attract a BF, some of us took longer than others, but it will happen.
Listen to what your friend says, and then think about it long and hard, if in doubt post another question.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Your friend is an idiot. She gets guys because once guys hear that she's sexually active, (and in school they all hear), then suddenly yeh, she'll get more male attention.
But do you think that having a bunch of sex crazed little buggers attention is a good thing?
There are good guys out there, they'll still want sex, but they'll be respectful of your readiness or be at least be able to think with their main head.
In summary... don't listen to your friend, she is deluded.
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