A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After being FWB, I want there to be something more. How do I gain his respect back, so that he can see me as more relationship material? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I disagree. Once a guy is a fuck buddy, he will only interpret your evasive maneuvers as you either aren't horny, have another guy on the line, or aren't interested anymore. He will not somehow think..."Oh, she's not into me for sex...maybe she wants be to be a boyfriend now". THe stage is set for sex. It's hard to "go backwards", even though I realize a meaningful relationship is moving forward.
You need to talk to him about it and hope he is amenable to the feelings you have. Your post makes it sound like you had a friend base to your relationship, which makes it easier to talk to him, but be prepared to accept rejection.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 As dorothy said, you can get his respect back by saying "no" if he tests you to see if he can still get sex. Show him you've got a back bone.
However as for seeing you as relationship material... don't get your hopes up. By all means try as nothings impossible, but be aware of how much time you're willing to spend trying to win him over before you accept that it isn't going to happen.
Hope it works out for ya tho :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 October 2010):
Hid there. I hear this so often, Friends With Benefits. It does pose some problems.
You and this young man were probably friends first and then the sex began, and so it's been that way ever since. Or perhaps it's been this way right from the very start.
While ever you give him what he wants, he will keep on asking, as he knows you will never refuse him.
The first step is to say "No", the next time he calls asking to see you (even if he doesn't mention sex on the phone), you can be sure that's all he wants.
The reason you keep on giving him sex, is because you would so like to be his girlfriend, and are hoping it will develop into that over time. You are probably also afraid to say no, in case he never calls you again. There is a chance of that also. It's also possible that he has a few girls hanging on the line (just like you), that he calls whenever he wants sex.
He has plenty of variety, a few different girls he can call any time at all - just for sex - and they, like you, never say no either, because they want a relationship and don't want to lose him. So it goes on and on.
What we have here with the FWB situation, is sex without commitment. He wants sex, but he can't be bothered getting into a relationship and is perhaps scared of getting hurt, so he keeps it impersonal - by having sex when he wants it, but nothing more. No emotional involvement (by him anyway).
I probably don't need to ask this, but when these sex occasions happen, does he take you out on a date first - dinner, the movies, see a show etc., OR does he call you, come over and pick you up in his car, then you just park somewhere and have sex, then go home?
What I'm asking is, does he spend any money on you at all?
The way to tell whether a man genuinely likes you and wants to get to know you, is they will spend money on you - not necessarily buying you gifts or flowers - but at least taking you out to nice places, dinner, a movie (that you like), see a nice show, a picnic - many, many different things. But the point I'm trying to make, is they will take the trouble to put themselves out and treat a young lady properly and with respect on every occasion.
If this young man is not doing this with you, well then I have to say that he isn't showing you the respect you deserve. You deserve better. You need to show yourself more respect by not tolerating this any longer.
A way to tell how things are going to pan out, is to see what he does when you say "No" to the booty call routine. He might get angry, hang up, who knows? After that happens, the real test then, is to see whether he ever calls you again. And if he doesn't, you can be sure that all he wanted from you was just sex, and nothing more.
When he does call you for your next FWB visit, be friendly - don't get angry or upset - and be respectful always. When he says - "Can I come over?" - Say to him - "I'm sorry, but I'm busy. I am about to go out soon." Don't give any further details. Say this even if you are not going out, he's not to know that. But have him think that you are, that's the secret.
The idea is, to let him know that you won't be taken for granted by anyone. Also to let him know that you aren't just sitting around at home waiting for him to call. You never want him to think that.
He needs to know that you have some self-respect, and that you do have a life of your own and that you don't need him. He will also know, that you refuse to be mistreated by anyone. Once he realizes this, things could then change between you in time.
However, in the meantime, make sure that you do make an effort to make your life as interesting and exciting as it can be. Have fun with your friends, laugh and be happy. Simply enjoy life to the fullest.
I sincerely hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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