A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone i have a dilemma when i was in the 5th grade i met my first love we broke up in sixth grade and started back talking in high school about 3years ago but he was very conceited and stuck up now we are both 20 and now he have a daughter and is more mature and i still love him and he is now acting as if he love me also however im ready for marriage and a child and we have only been togther for a month this time i want to get engaged and move in together and start a family should i stress this or is it too early
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female
reader, curleywhirlyhurly  +, writes (24 August 2010):
way too early think this way 21 to 25 lovers
25 to the end marraige men have more power at marraied life !!!!!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 That is way to early. Whatever happened before high school does not count, you were still just kids then. So what he is more mature, you need to mature as well, and you need to have a proper relationship, which you don't. One month of happiness does not guarantee that you are a good match by far, and your relationship together as kids does not mean you are fit to be together in an adult relationship. Also I fear that as he is a father now, he might be too mature for you. You need to date him much longer before you are able to see if you are a good match. The fact that you are already wanting to ask about marriage shows that you are not ready for a mature relationship, I am sorry. In a mature relationship, people take the time to think about the very important questions. Rushing into life changing decisions are for kids. Be smart.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 OOOH sweetheart don't think that way about her having his child and you not
children are tough to take care of and if you want a child someday with him and things work out you will have that opportunity
don't rush things
one thing you have and she doesn't is him..just think about that for a minute..
enjoy your time together while your young!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 August 2010):
TOO SOON! Your response says it all. After one month, you do now know whether you can handle it. When that daughter of his needs shoes, needs her Dad, needs anything, you'll be put back. That's the way it is, that's the way it will be. Even if you have a child with him, this is something that will always happen. And you shouldn't be using a child to secure something over his ex, which is what you're doing. Yes, she does have a child by him and you don't. That does not mean you can suddenly marry and have children with him and she'll just go away and you'll live happily ever after. For God's sake slow down, because if you don't and you bring a child in too quickly, you might well find yourself in a big mess. No stressing. You need to give this time, and if you don't he will walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis daughter is one from a previous relationship she broke his heart we got back together because we both felt like we keep comin in contact for some reason and i love him he says he loves me and i believe it will last and i know marriage is not to be taken lightly but i feel like we can handle this and i was asking should i stress marriage to him i know exactly wat i want but it makes sense that his daughter is young and he may not want any kids anytime soon and i know she will always come first but thats how it should be but her mom i dont feel like she would come first i feel secure but i know she has something that i dont and thats his child
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 August 2010):
This is way too early. You were basically children when you were together, and there were problems with his character. Since then, he's had a child. And you've only been really dating for one month. There is so much yet that you haven't truly had to deal with, and you are walking into a massive mess unless you take your time and make sure you know what you're doing here.
The biggest issue here, as I see it, is his daughter. He is a parent, you are not. There are problems that will come with that. First of all, his daughter and the mother of his daughter will always come first. Always. If you want a holiday, or a house or even marriage, that will all be put on the back burner in favour if his daughter. You will never have a say over his daughter. She may not like you, or may feel threatened as she gets older, and that is something you will need to deal with. A lot of people, many on here, think they can handle it, but they can't.
Slow right down. This isn't something that you can decide in a month. You need to take time thinking about this, and working at the relationship. If you jump straight into this, you might wreck your life.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Waaaaaaaay too early hun. You have no idea who this person is. people change into different things when you're that young.
There's nothing wrong with being together. just no need to rush and get married so quickly. Next year he might be a totally different person than he is today... and you might be a different person.
Your 20's is really a time for you to grow, discover new things, have fun, and decide what kind of person you would like as a partner. I know marriage and kids seem pretty now but it's a lot of hard work also... plenty of time for that in the future if this guy is who you think he is.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (24 August 2010):
You do not know someone till you live with them..you may think you do but you don't
i would say try living with this man a few months and if you are satisfied MENTION marriage but don't force it on him
a man that is pressured tends to wait longer(in my experience)
also.. do not pressure children on him either he has one already he may want to wait a few years
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A
male
reader, Pantherfan +, writes (24 August 2010):
With the track record I see there of breaking up and coming back together I would say this is still a little early, I'd recommend waiting until you're sure it's not just another swing of the pendulum. Give it some more time and be sure that it's going to last this time. You're still very young, and you have plenty of time for all your desires to take place.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 August 2010):
Some questions for you, as you were not entirely clear in your post:
- Is his child also your child? Or is a child from a previous girlfriend? If the latter, how do you feel about that?
- You say you are ready for marriage, yet you ask here and express your doubts. That tells me you are not ready.
- Why did you get back together? What makes you think it will work out this time?
- Do you think marriage also seals an emotional bond? Because 1 month is awefully short to be thinking about such a thing.
If you answer these questions in a follow up, I can give you some serious advice. For now though I would defenitely wait. Marriage is not to be taken lightly.
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