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female
age
41-50,
*dontknow416
writes:I'm a 26 year old female and I am falling for a 16 year old male. I don't know if this is ok or not. I feel so lost and torn. I want to tell him that I love him and I think about him all the time, but I'm afraid to. I don't want him to feel like I'm being obsessive or anything. He's the most amazing guy I have ever met and I cannot get over how gorgeous he is. We talk all the time but mostly about stupid stuff and nothing serious. I don't know what to do around him. The night we met we were instantly attracted to eachother and I ended up taking his virginity. he asked me to. The next time I saw him we had the most amazing day together but we had to hide all day. He's deathly afraid of what his parents would say and I am too. He's talked to his friends about me, but doesn't want me anywhere near them. I kind of feel the same way. I just don't want to do anything that'll make him feel uncomfortable. What do I do? Should I just tell him how I feel? Or should I just try to forget about him and let him be? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): There is nothing wrong with age difference...44 to 28, your both adults,,,but 26 with a 16 year old is different....she is with a kid! I'm sorry, but what can a 16 year old kid do for a 26 year old woman sexually? Maybe she wants to train him? I don't know where she is from, but in the USA that would be child molesting. If 16 is legal where she is from...i still don't know what she is thinking,,,,but more power to her. I am sure she can make the kid happy.
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male
reader, jn1964  +, writes (8 July 2009):
Im sort of new to this sort of thing but I say go for it if it is legal.
I wasnt to sure myself at first but ive read some of the answers which have helped me and here is my reply.
I am a 44yr old and ive falling for a 28yr old lass that is one huge age difference 16yrs but I dont give a damm what people think or say it is our choice.
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reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (7 July 2009):
yes I say ignore the people calling u sick or wutever. I am a 31 year old guy in love with a 21 year woman. she has been my best friend for going on 3 years. she know how I feel but at least for the time being doesn't feel the same way. there are always exceptions and I never thot after I was over 28 that I wud be interested in a girl under the age of 25. follow ur heart
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): A 26 year old woman falling for a 16 year old kid? I am not sure whether you have some some severe insecurity problems or if someone needs to call the police. Something is for sure not right here!!!!!!!!! Why would you be interested in a little boy? I think that's all i can say about this one.
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female
reader, idontknow416 +, writes (6 July 2009):
idontknow416 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate all your feedback. Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): im 17 and my boyfriend is 24, so there is 7 years between us, and it really doesnt bother me, him, his friends and family, my friends and family. i think its because in your case, the female is older, which is not unusual but it seems to be :/ i have a friend whos 19 and hes seeing a lady, shes a lovely woman, we get on really well and shes 37. so age is just a number! dont worry about it if its legal and your both happy. go for it
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male
reader, JSBach +, writes (6 July 2009):
It is a tricky situation, and it's true that your relationship probably won't last, and you'll both end up getting hurt (sorry to be so negative), but let's be realistic here, people: we all get hurt by our relationships as teenagers. There are very few boys who stay with their first girlfriend for their entire life, and they all get their hearts broken during the breakup.
I think you're showing great emotional maturity by giving him space.
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reader, idontknow416 +, writes (6 July 2009):
idontknow416 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow thank you soo much yodastud. You are right about all of it. His needs do come first in my book and that's why I can't tell him how I feel. I don't want to overwhelm him. I'm going let him be and not try to take it any further. I care about him so much and all I want is what's best for him. If that means losing contact with him then that's what I have to do. I just want him to enjoy being 16 and the last thing I want is for him to have to lie to his parents or make them upset. He deserves the best in the world and I don't want to get in the way of that
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reader, yodastud +, writes (6 July 2009):
Let's take the law out of the picture then.
You say he's innocent and you are worried about him and his feelings. You two have already shared very intimate times together which has already changed him - why is telling him you love him any different? How will that change things that having sex hasn't?
I would guess bc you think that could be the end - rather than a beginning. And it sounds to me, still, like you're not sure what you can hope for/expect from this...and the same is true of any new relationship, but yours has added issues. Why? Because his choice will not be only his own - he has parents and they have the final say until he is 18.
But I'll try to take his age out of it - in any new relationsjip if your new boyfriend does not want you to meet his folks or friends - it is a huge, huge red flag that not all is rosy and A-OK. Your situation is no different in that regard. If you both feel you can have a public relationship, rest of the world be damned, then go for it.
Talk to him about how you feel, if want, but honestly I think you're afraid that will end it. Being an adult means you have to deal with such things - but being in love means you should want to put the other persons needs above your own.
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reader, idontknow416 +, writes (6 July 2009):
idontknow416 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you....but I'm not his teacher or guidance counsellor or drug dealer or anything like that. I appreciate what you said yodastud and you are right. I guess I never really asked myself those questions. Thank you for taking the time to help me
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reader, bobbles32 +, writes (6 July 2009):
 As I understood from my law classes in Canada, you can give consent to someone who is also a minor, but 16 + but it is illegal for someone who is 16 to have a sexual relationship with someone who is the age of majority or older or someone who is in a position of trust (teacher, guidance counsellor)
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reader, yodastud +, writes (6 July 2009):
Check out http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/library/PRBpubs/prb993-e.htm#CURRENT LAW(txt)
for the current laws in Canada. From what I read, whether or not you are in a position of any kind of authority DOES make a difference, and you did not answer that question.
You say he's so innocent etc, so what do you think he will do if you tell him you love him? Tell his parents he's found love, leave home and marry you? Move in with you? Theortically you could keep it hidden until he is ready to leave home - but why would you want to live that way? That's an honest question actually. Figure it out.
You say you don't want to take away his innocence - isn't that what attracted you to him in the first place? Sounds like you've already done that. I'd suggest you seek some help yourself bc I'm not sure at all what you hope to gain from this. Having a nice little fling is one thing - and it sounds like you two may have shared something special - but you've got to be realistic about what has happened and what you hope will happen both for yourself and for this boy.
There's a reason why you're both nervous about the friends/family finding out, even if they don't judge you harshly - what on earth do you think will happen?? You'll be his date at the prom? It doesn't sounds like that's what he wants at all - but you say you "kind of" feel the same way.
Even if none of this matter (the law, the judgement of others) - is he ready to be an adult and make his way in the world? If the answer is a huge no, then be the adult and walk away. Let yourself be the fond memory of the "first" that he carries through life.
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reader, idontknow416 +, writes (6 July 2009):
idontknow416 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't fall into any of those categories. We met at a party. We actually live about 2 hours away from eachother. I don't believe it's stat rape at all and he is way more mature than any other 16 year old I have ever met. Sure he shows his age every once in a while but that's to be expected.
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reader, yodastud +, writes (6 July 2009):
As I understand the law here in Canada, if someone between 14-18 can give consent for sexual activity with someone over 18 unless the "adult" is in some position of authority over the minor. That means - parent, teacher, babysitter, guardian, minister, priest, boy scout leader, coach - I think even drug dealer falls into that category. You didn't say how you met - but you fall into this group at all, I think it's stat rape, no way around that, and his parents can file a complain with police if they wish to do so.
As for the rest of it - I can't say I've met too many 16-yr old boys who have the maturity level to have a full relationship with an adult woman. Maybe this guy is different, I can't say. I'd suggest finding a counsellor/therapist who can help you wade through what your feeling without judging you (some will most likely) before you proceed further. Take a step back and figure it out would be my advice.
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reader, idontknow416 +, writes (6 July 2009):
idontknow416 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe legal age in Canada is 16. I'm not worried about that. I'm mostly worried about him and his feelings. He's so innocent and sweet and I don't want to take that away from him. But I'm falling in love with him and I don't know how to tell him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): I don't know the laws where you live, but here in America, having sex with a minor (under 18) is against the law. So I would say it is not o.k.
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reader, ugh101 +, writes (6 July 2009):
 Well i lke an older guy. hes 9 yrs older thn me.
For me it is illigal. Mke sure that you know the laws on it. idk what they r n ur Canada but if i spent time with mi crush n the US WITHOUT parental permission they could charge statutory rape.
Good LuckXX
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reader, bobbles32 +, writes (6 July 2009):
Generally, males tend to be attracted to younger females.. but it's not wrong because it's not the "normal".
If, however, you two are uncomfortable in public and in social situations together, you won't have much of a relationship together.
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (6 July 2009):
I say the feelings are mutual. I don't know what the laws are in canada but if the age difference doesn't break any laws I say follow your heart. love doesn't go by age. The age difference can present some problems as far as maturity goes but there are always exceptions. I don't personally think you are wrong to pursue him if that what your heart tells you to do.
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