A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering if its normal to be kinda frigid at 14?It's just that I have seen girls my age who have gone past the whole "shy" thing and are dating boys whenever they feel like.Theres a girl in my year who' had over 45 boyfriends. I have never had one, never kissed a guy. I have been asked out though.I see Girls my age that are sexually active, mothers,seeing people and they have no problem with intimacy.Whenever I feel a certain way about a guy, I always feel exposed and I have to hide.Is this okay, or am I really behind?Thanks:)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Quantity does not equal quality.
A person can have a thousand lovers and not feel the passion and joy that an enlightened person feels when they connect with just one.
Its not how many lovers you have. Its the effects a person has on your life. You see thousands of people every day. But it takes only one to change everything. And you don't need to date every last human being on the planet to find love.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 If you keep going the way you are, and not like the girl with 45 boyfriends, in 10 years time, YOU will be the woman all men want...and she won't. Trust me...I speak from experience :)
And at 14, boyfriends are one of the last things you should be thinking about. Save all that for later...it will be better for you.
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A
female
reader, Miss King ! +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Wow, so you're worried about not having a boyfriend at 14..! I didnt have my first boyfriend until I was 18!! This girl that has had 45 boyfriends... HOW??!?! She must change them every 5 minutes?!! I dont know anyone.. ANYONE who has had that many boyfriends. Don't worry!! Enjoy being young and free to do everything you want.. enjoy being the age you are without all the complications of relationships and boyfriends etc.. one day you'll look back and thank god you took advantage of your young age for the right reasons, miss 45 boys will wish she had enjoyed her independence a little more!! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you all for reassuring me, sometimes I doubt myself especially when I see my friends with their guys.Yeah, that girl in my year has dated over 45 guys since she was like 8 or something! She boasts about how she sleeps with people and things and YES I know thats wrong. I know many girls at my age who are not virgins and I just wonder if they're at that level- shouldnt I atleast be dating?I have lied to my friends that I have. I know Im not ready but sometimes I just feel so lonely. Thanks again, your comments have really changed my prospective:)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (21 January 2010):
No way, you're fine. I used to feel the same way as you, but I didn't have a boyfriend until I was almost 17. Be patient about it, I know you want to do what everyone else is doing, but don't feel that way. You have plenty of time ahead of you and it sounds like you're going to be better off than a lot of the girls you know. And the one that's had 45 boyfriends...yeah right! She's probably dated them for a week and they never saw each other outside of school or they're boys that called her on the phone a couple times. That girl doesn't even know what a boyfriend is. You don't want to try to compete with that anyway!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 January 2010):
There's nothing wrong with you. Trust me, you'll be in a better place then they will when you're 30. You will find a decent guy, where as they will have found nothing but trouble.
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (21 January 2010):
 You are not behind and it's absolutely fine not to have a boyfriend at your age, there is nothing to worry about.
Life isn't all about boys. I didn't even get my real first kiss until I was 16!
This friend of yours is not one to be inspired by, don't follow her footsteps. Concentrate on having fun with friends for now, it shouldn't matter what other people are doing, you can't ready for a relationship if you feel you have to hide away.
Enjoy the single life, boys cause a lot of heartache.
All the best
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Its normal to not have a boyfriend at 14, and I think the friend in your class is exaggerating. Even is if she isnt: she's the abnormal one. Not you. You're the norm. She's the crazy one.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 January 2010):
 NOBODY and I mean NOBODY can be frigid at 14. You are perfectly normal, healthy and SMART. Your friend with 45 ex boyfriends is a nut case. Boyfriends at your age are nothing but trouble, stick with having friends who happen to be boys.
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A
female
reader, xoxxo +, writes (21 January 2010):
Of course it is okay, you are not them, you are you. I did not have an official boyfriend until I was 17 and my first kiss that actually counts. I feel sorry for girls that are sexually active at that age, most are not mature enough to handle the emotions that come with it. It is difficult for girls my age! It is best to wait for a boy who really really loves you. I promise you it is better and feels amazing. I know it is hard because you want a boyfriend too, but if it is meant to happen it will. For now try to focus on having fun and the rest will fall in to place
3
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): I'm 25 - so a lot older that you - and this is what I know.
A. You're not 'kinda frigid'. This is a fact, so stop worrying about it.
B. LOTS of boys and girl your age are still very shy. You WILL grow out of it.
C. 45 boyfriends - HA!!! I wouldn't believe that. That's not even possible at her age. Plus going out once doesn't actually mean u become bf and gf straight away.
D. People ur age should not be sexually active or mothering kids. That's just stupid. Ur too young and have no money and still limited education. Sex is best left till u meet someone special, know them well and are ready to deal with any consequences. And yes - babies are very serious consequences!
E. As I said, u will mature and grow out of ur shyness. U will kiss boys and u will have boyfriends. It WILL happen when ur really ready. Stop trying to imitate silly people. And no matter how cool they may seem to u, trust me that from an adult's perspective the idea of 14 year olds doing these things is pretty strange and ridiculous.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (21 January 2010):
 I think your just scared, its perfectly normal, people just find it easier for their feelings to be expossed as they would like to be with that person.
But i didnt have my first anything till i was nearly 14(born later in the year u see) and after that, once you admit feelings once, you wont be so scared again.
and as for a friend in your class, why do u have to have a big amount of exs, tbh, it just ruins a load of friendships, and makes you look a bit of a slut.
Isnt it better to wait for someone who truely cares for you than to be having different boyfriends every week?
It will happen to you, dont worry, this was like me, you made not feel good enough for anyone, think your "ugly" or whatever you feel boys dont like you for, there will be someone out there who will make you feel amazing soon, just dont get so hung up on it, go out and have fun, go to places where you can communicate with boys and get to know them, then it wont be so scary.
If you need anymore advice, contact me :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Please do not worry yourself over this; you are perfectly normal. I wasn't really ready for a relationship until I was 16 or so. There is no reason whatsoever to think you are frigid, please don't think like that.
As for your friend who claims to have had 45 boyfriends, well.......that is really disgusting, even if it is true, which I doubt. When she gets older she will regret having had so many boyfriends. Honestly it's horrible; who knows what she's caught, or whatever. Seriously though, I don't think it's true.
Just be confident in yourself, and don't try and force yourself into doing something you're not comfortable with. GO at your own pace, never mind about anyone else. We all develop in our own time.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 It's normal to feel awkward the first time.
That girl with 45 boyfriends is not normal. I doubt they are really boyfriends. I see the Maury show, and feel that a lot of young girls are merely being rebellious, being contrary to their parents who tell them NO, so they are acting out in extreme. When I was 14, I definitely had no desire to kiss more than one guy. Only be intimate when you are ready, not because everyone else is doing it. For a lot of people, even in the western world, 14 is still too young to be dating.
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female
reader, LibertarianLou +, writes (21 January 2010):
Of course it's ok.
What does she mean by boyfriends? Most grown ups haven't had 45 real partners. Surely that's either people she's held hands with/kissed/been mates with... or perhaps she's making stuff up.
I bet at least some of those experienced girls your age have incredibly low self-esteem and wish they could be more mature like you.
This way when you do want someone it will because you are ready, and they will respect you.
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