A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex because that is how my boyfriend is and I give him lots of sex five times a day every weekend. I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex and I feel like a long term future with him would be impossible to sustain. I have tried talking to him but he always continues his behaviour. should I just end it as I feel his sexual demands are becoming too much for me?I have never had a boyfriend before with this problem they were all pretty laid back towards sex but my boyfriend is literally obsessed with it like nothing else matters.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2019):
 Please re-read several times the first two lines of N91's answer. They really sum up the whole matter.
It's NEVER ok, never acceptable, and never normal !, for a partner , or for anybody in general as for that, to become nasty and aggressive when they are denied something they want, whether it be sex , or the TV remote control.
People who become nasty and aggressive when they can't have their way, most often end up in jail.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2019): thank you everyone for all your replies. its been very helpful to me. I think your all right I am in a abusive relationship and its time for me to realise it
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 September 2019):
 You ask, "Is there a woman who can give that amount of sex at 45 I wonder(?)"
I don't know any. Not that I talk to a lot of my peers about their sexual frequency, but really . . .
Two things you should do. Talk to a gynecologist about your menopause. there are hormones and creams that can help.
Second get some coconut oil, it lasts and lasts and lasts.
Last the threat to leave is abuse. in the science they call it the real threat of abandonment. In your case it is being used to control you. The day you call his bluff is the day that the control ends. Your call.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 September 2019):
 Sweetheart, you are being used and abused. Trust me, this will only get worse.
NOBODY should make you do ANYTHING you do not want to do. It is YOUR body. He is already hurting you and this WILL get worse.
PLEASE open your eyes and see you are worth better than this abuser.
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A
female
reader, KeW +, writes (10 September 2019):
 Hi there,
"is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive" - no. It is not acceptable either.
5 times a week is a lot for most people (perfectly fine, if they both consent), but 5 times a day would make almost anyone sore! He is showing a blatant disregard for your pleasure and well-being.
Quite honestly, this is abusive. He is *demanding*, not just asking. He doesn't care about your comfort or desires. He is not worth your time. Forget him breaking up with you; it would be wise for you to leave him first!
Good luck and stay safe.
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A
female
reader, Haviette +, writes (10 September 2019):
Being his sex slave is NOT love. Why get used by a sex addict five times a day? He should at least pay you. If you have any regard for yourself, dump him. This is abuse, and if you marry him, he'll abuse you more, and in more insidious ways. He's playing master now. Do you want him to also destroy you?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 September 2019):
 When is it EVER normal for someone to be nasty and aggressive? Never mind just in a scenario such as this.
He’s showing MAJOR red flags. He may seem sweet 99% of time but he is pressuring you into sexual activity that you don’t want to participate in. If he can’t respect that then what he is doing is bordering on sexual assault.
Dump his ass and find someone respectful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2019): Also having so much sex is painful for me at 45 I get sore and hurt from it as I'm coming up to menopause. He doesn't seem to want to stop even when I'm sore and its hurting me or on my period. He does take me out and cuddles me but his personality is becoming unbearable
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2019): I am 45 and he's 40 and I am feeling like I can't keep up this sex life in the long term and he seems so angry when I don't have enough. He says he will leave me if he doesn't get enough sex. Is there a woman who can give that amount of sex at 45 I wonder
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 September 2019):
Thanks for the follow up. I'm a bit nervous to say more as I kind if messed up the first post.
5 timres a day, 2 days in a row is not just unusual, at your age it's unheard of. Suspiciously off the charts. (meaning this sounds like a man taking steroids)
You description and your feelings lead us all to think the man is abusive. Your follow up is a bit confusing on that. What I'm trying to say is that if you want out of the relationship then you have plenty of grounds to call it off. Sexually incompatible (1). Too aggressive (2) Too demanding (3).
If you think you want to fix him then my advice is that he is unlikely to change. If there are drugs involved therapy by qualified medical personnel might rebalance him. But this can be an addiction that he could return to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2019): No. No, no, no, no, no. This is most definitely not OK. You should never feel pressured into having sex no matter how nasty or aggressive your partner gets. He should appreciate and respect you a lot more than he does. 5 times a day??? That is not normal. Clearly he is just obsessed with sex and is putting his needs before you or anything else. What else do you do when you see each other? Do you go out on dates together? Does he ever buy you gifts? Even things like holding hands or cuddling? If no, then it's probably a good thing that you are being put off by him. He sounds like a complete wrong'un.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2019):
 I don't think it's "normal" either. NOR is it OK.
What he is doing making you FEEL like sex is a punishment not something enjoyable to SHARE.
If he is your age (so 40+) he ought to know better than being an abusive sex pest. The thing is, it's WORKING, isn't it? YOU still "PERFORM" and "REWARD" him with sex even though he makes you feel like crap.
Unfortunately, this is not something he will stop doing. He doesn't think it's wrong, he FEELS entitled to your body an sex on demand.
I'd wish him well and end it. BLOCK all contact and move on. Maybe have a wee think about WHY you tolerated that kind of behavior to begin with. (not saying it's YOUR fault though, it's ALL on him, but you DID enable the behavior).
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 September 2019):
Demanding sex in an aggressive manner is NEVER acceptable. You already KNOW this is not "normal". Why do you tolerate it?
You have all the answers to your situation in your post:
"I have never had a boyfriend before with this problem"
"I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex"
"I feel like a long term future with him would be impossible to sustain"
"I have tried talking to him but he always continues his behaviour"
"I feel his sexual demands are becoming too much for me"
These are all YOUR words. You already KNOW this situation is not normal or acceptable or sustainable. What are you waiting for?
Get out of there, girlfriend. You deserve so much better.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 September 2019):
 Demanding sex and becoming aggressive and nasty is NOT normal behavior, especially that many times per day. That shows more along the line of a sexual addiction. He is using you to nurse that addiction. During the week, is he this aggressive about sex?? Or is it just on the weekend, AND when you two aren't around each other, is he constantly contacting you to get together for sex, or is it ONLY when he's already around you?? This is important, because addiction is addiction. He is still trying to take care of that addiction when you're not around, and the question is -- HOW is he?? Porn? Overly excessive masturbation? Other women? A combination of all of that??
It's abusive to you to become nasty and aggressive over sex. You should feel free to decline it if you don't want to have sex. If he hurts you or restrains you physically until you have sex with him is sexual assault. If he calls you nasty names (and frigid is a nasty name!), that's emotional and verbal abuse and is not to be tolerated.
I agree -- you should end this. Stuff like this doesn't get better on their own. He has to recognize his problem and willingness to get professional help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2019): Yes I do see him during the week too and we do go away together and have romance, meals, everything together really. Everything is fine in the relationship other than this aggressive demands for sex behavior its such a shame
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 September 2019):
The same hormone that controls male sex drive causes aggression so yes they are linked. But you asked about normal. Well your profile says you are between 40 and 50 and it is common for men to have a drop in testosterone production around that age. Higher testosterone is healthier. But, that's not the only thing at play here.
A 45 year old man who has the stamina and drive for 5 times a day saturday and sunday, certainly has that drive on monday tuesday you know all the days that end in y. So why isn't he around evenings during the week?
The most important part of your post is this, " I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex and I feel like a long term future with him would be impossible to sustain." What you are saying here is as much fun as he is you just aren't sexually compatible. That is a good thing to know early on. It just never works out long term.
Secondly, most men are not so pushy about it and his level of aggression is starting to look more like abuse than sex.
thanks for writing in. It is time for you to make a decision on this. I hope I've given you helpful information.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 September 2019):
 Do you only see each other on the weekends?
Does he show his love in other ways, shared meals, conversations, outings, the odd meal out, going on dates etc or is it just sex on demand.
To be blunt are you a girlfriend to him, somebody he loves and cherishes or simply a convenient hole for his to stick him old fellow in? I would suspect that's the case if nothing else matters in which case you could tell him to go find a knothole in the nearest tree because your playground is closed for the duration.
And no, its not normal for men to become nasty and aggressive, loving couples would discuss any issues and try to come to some sort of compromise.
You are already being turned off him, so end it now and find somebody more compatible.
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