A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal (or acceptable) for:-a man to accuse his girlfriend of infidelity for more than one year?-for the woman to raise her voice and shout, after one year of being falsely accused and asked the same question over and over and over again?-for the man to then hit the woman and say it was in defense against the girl who has not hit him?-for the man to later say: "All I did was ask you a question" when the question is along the lines of "I know you're cheating on me, just tell me the truth"..."Why were you looking at that guy?" (when the woman was not)..."I know you're hiding things from me, just tell me" (when the woman is not hiding anything..."You're so boring why are you so sad all of the time, some other guy is making you happy?" (when the girl is in fact severely depressed.Thanks.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 If he hit you, he belongs in jail. What are you doing with him??? GET OUTTA THERE!!!!
Don't raise your voice, shout, or argue with him. It's not going to do you any good. The only thing that will is to get the hell out of this relationship.
NO man should EVER hit a woman, for ANY REASON. He deserves to have his ass kicked. I don't consider him a man, he's nothing more than trash.
If you're depressed, you need to talk to a counselor or therapist. There is help available, regardless of your money situation. Ask the local hospital, or a pastor or priest.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): No these questions are not acceptable. I am 20 years old, and I always hear the same exact questions, or statements, you gave above from my fiance. Me and him have been dating for 3 years. Last year, he was drunk. He got angry because he thought I was looking at someone else, when In fact I wasnt. I could not convince him that I wasnt. But he has never physically abused me.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 No, to all.
And the hitting especially. Get away from this control freak, don't think you can EVER convince him. It would be trying to argue you are NOT a witch when the person accusing you gets all your possessions when you are found guilty.
He gets his control by accusing you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 It's not normal nor is it acceptable for him to do those things.
It's not normal for her to stick around and be subjected to that type of abuse. She needs help seeing the pattern of abuse he's displaying. She can't fix him. She'll never be able to fix him. He has to want to change and then likely will need professional help doing so.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Why are you still with this guy?
After you drop him like a hot rock you should go over that question with a good therapist.
After a while of being a victim you have to ask the question why you allow the cycle to continue. See, men get abused too but women don't leave the marks on the outside.
Any wonder where I learned all that?
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A
female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Leave him. If he can do it once he can do it again. He doesn't even seem sorry for doing it. If a man raised his hand for me i'd leave stright away, it's not acceptable under any circumstances. It doesn't sound like a great relationship anyway with all these accusations, you deserve someone better, someone who trusts you and doesn't hurt you emotionally and physically
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): It is never right to hit anyone. Get out Cause if he gets away with it he WILL do it again.
And the fact that he sounds controlling, ya not worth it.
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (16 November 2009):
 I'll try and answer your questions in order.
- It is normal for people to accuse their other half of infidelity. This happens more than it should. However, whether it is justified or not is most important.
-You lost your temper and shouted at your boyfriend, perfectly nomal.
-A man should under no circumstances ever hit a woman. There is no excuse.
-"I know you're cheating on me, just tell me the truth"...Is not a question. So he was outright accusing you.
-The rest of his questions show that he is deeply insecure. Have you ever given him reason to be so? Are any of his accusations justified?
Either way you should leave him. There should be no second chances after he has laid his hand on you. Period.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): i know there is a a HUGE difference between a man hitting a woman and a woman hitting a man...
i will be honest about this. i had the same kind of situation just the other way around, i was actually hit by my wife number of times even in our first few months of marriage, for the same reasons you wrote or may be even more pathetic than them, and painful sometimes too..
But i knew she was depressed due to some complicated problems in her past, and i just knew the look in her eyes when i used to look at her the love she has for me, made me never care about such things.. just be patient yes sometimes i couldn’t take it and go crazy but i actually feel guilty after for doing so later cause i love my wife, ... always just aim to do better than your partner...
All i can say... IF you really love him and you think he is worth the whole world, then do everything to show him that you love him and that you never done anything wrong, may be he got some insecurities or some deeper issues you don’t know about... but again don’t risk being in a situation where you are vulnerable...
just talk to him explain to him and take a step back take some time out and let him think about what he is done, and if he really really loves you he will come back to you begging...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): The fact that you have asked this question shouts two things.
You need to get away from him, and that you need councilling for all the abuse that he has put you through.
Do it now. You need to start healing so that when a real man comes along you will be able to love him instead of sabotaging it from the start.
If a guy hits you for any reason, he doesnt love you and its over ok.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Simply - NO!
It is certainly not normal. Its no normal to accuse, be frustrated or suffer physical abuse!
But then I have a question of my own... (written in the third person)
"If this was anyone in their own mind - why did they stay in the relationship for so long after suffering such abuse?"
If this is yourself - you need to get out of that relationship and move on without him.
Good Luck - Steve
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 November 2009):
It's not acceptable to hit your girlfriend ever. This guy isn't worthy of any woman at all. If you're the woman who was hit, you must get away from him now. He's terrible.
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