A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone have any tips on how to make a long-distance relationship work? I only see my boyfriend at weekends as I'm at university. I was blocking him out of my head so I didn't feel sad but ended really screwing up by cheating on him. We've talked through it all and established that I need to develop a new coping mechanism, does anyone have any advice?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Long distance relationships are not for everyone - usually the lack of actual human contact while having all of those emotions running around in your head, makes for a huge amount of guess work and fantasies with regards to what the other person is up to and questioning your place within that relationship.
All that I can say is that I have been married to my husband for 3 years. He lives in America and I am from England. For the first 2 years we only saw one another every 3 months because I had university, he worked, my son had school and we didn't have the money to travel back and forth on a more frequent basis.
We called one another every day, we kept one another informed with the things we were doing and generally tried to put the lack of contact aside and concentrate on what we DID have rather than what we didn't have.
We are still together today, 3 years later, living in the same apartment and having a wonderful time - but to get here wasn't easy. It took a lot of work, contact and will power and belief in each other that neither of us was going to give up on the other. You have to have a lot of trust.
You should think about the things you do have in your relationship with this guy. You get to see him at weekends!! Thats a LOT!! I saw my husband every THREE MONTHS!! I would have killed for every weekend!!
I think regardless of the time you do or don't see one another, the fact that you've cheated on him won't have helped your situation. He's going to be wondering what you're up to while he is away and you're going to be worrying that he's thinking you're cheating.
Long distance really does not work for some people, especially when they need to be loved and close to the person they're with to make it work.
You should consider whether this relationship is the right one for you and whether you can cope with it the way it is until it can be something different - which it can be one day if you both hang in there.
I really hope it works out for you guys. Be strong and trust in one another.
Best of luck xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): I am in the same place you are, except I only see my boyfriend once a month. Honestly, I think you may need to analyze how effective your relationship is working right now. If you feel that your sexual needs are not being met, trust me, its only going to lead to more arguing between you and your partner. If you feel that you cannot deal with seeing your boyfriend only on the weekends, you may have to talk to him about having an open relationship where you and him are the main couple, but you have dates on the side. This can definitely work (it has for me) but you need to talk honestly with your partner about this.
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