A
female
age
30-35,
*himsey
writes:I have a lovely boyfriend of 2 years, he is a great guy and we have a committed relationship. However he brought up the subject of a threesome recently and it has got me worried. I would be open to the idea of fooling around with her for him, but he mentioned he'd want to have sex with her, and asked me if I wanted him to start looking for someone. These things crushed me and I can't stop thinking about him doing this to another girl. I am not asking whether or not I should go through with this, because I already know I couldn't handle it. But what should I think of him wanting to have sex with someone else when he loves me and wants to be with me forever? It doesn't make sense to me why he wants to go out and find a new girl. I am beautiful and get compliments all the time from men, and I make sure to take care of him. I feel angry and hurt. but should I?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 November 2010):
 I'm glad you spoke about it. Things like this should be discussed openly. Your feelings are valid just as his should be. Boundries need to be discussed in relationships.
Remember, keep those channels of communication open!
Thank you for the update and I wish you future success together.
A
female
reader, Whimsey +, writes (30 November 2010):
Whimsey is verified as being by the original poster of the question"It's not insecure or jealous to not want your partner to have sex with other people, whether you're involved or not. You feel what you feel."
Thankyou! And I shouldn't have to be so apologetic for my feelings, I spoke with him and told him that the thought of him effing another girl in front of me made me want to be sick. He felt so terrible for making me feel inadequate, we talked and I told him not to be ashamed of his fantasy, but to maybe not ever say out loud that he wants to f*** someone else again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): If you told him you were ok with the idea of you fooling around with another woman for his sexual entertainment. Then its not really surprising that he then went to the next level and expressed a wish to have sex with her. He thinks hes getting the green light from you because you didnt flat out say no. Its best to explain you arent interested and why, before he gets too attracted to the idea.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 November 2010):
It's not insecure or jealous to not want your partner to have sex with other people, whether you're involved or not. You feel what you feel.
If it helps, I thought having a threesome would be an awesome experience until I had one. Sure, it was fun while it happened but it basically destroyed the relationship. I had suggested it but after my feelings for my GF changed. It was unfair to her but I couldn't help it either. Some things are better left in the world of fantasy or outside the bounds of a committed relationship.
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A
female
reader, Whimsey +, writes (29 November 2010):
Whimsey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone who's replied! I will try to tell him how I feel, I just don't want to come off as insecure and jealous.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 November 2010):
He wants to have sex with someone else in the context of a threesome. I know, a shady line, but it is different than outright cheating because you're there and involved. Really, I think it's great that you realize you can't handle it. Threesomes are bad news in a committed relationship.
I think he's young, horny, and ill informed. I wouldn't be hurt because he wants to act out a fantasy. It's good that he talked to you openly about this. If you haven't already, you need to let him know where you stand. If he won't drop it, then it may be time to drop him.
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A
female
reader, AgonyAuntiee93  +, writes (29 November 2010):
Aww, your story is very touching. You obviously love him alot and your feelings towards him are huge. But if he wants to have sex with somebody else, and you dont like it, you should take action; tell im how you feel. Im not going to tell you to spilt up from him; i will leave that to you hunnie x
Hope i helped xxx
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A
male
reader, KissPEPPER  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I think you should be angry and you really need to set him straight, he should love you enough for you to be hes only one. I reckon you should tell him to get rid of the idea of a threesome
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A
female
reader, Outspoken1016 +, writes (29 November 2010):
 You have every right to feel as you do. Sweetie ask him why. The list of reasons that anyone on here will give you could be long and not really for you. This is a question only your boyfriend can answer honestly. I could give you several "ideas" but that will only make you feel worse.
Just be open with him love tell him it hurt you and you now feel not enough.
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