A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,have been with my bf for 5 years. we are both 26.we keep on having the same arguement ALL the time its regarding oral sex and we he nearly finished our relationship over it a couple of weeks ago.bjs are really important to him but i really don't like doing them but i will do them for him sometimes to make him happy.So the thing is the other day he asked me for one but i really didn't feel like doing it but i was too worried to say no because i know he would be really annoyed.So i done it for him to make him happy. Now hes really pissed off with me because he didn't enjoy it and thought i didn't make much of an effort while i was doing it. He's calling me selfish and a b**ch and a sh*t gf. Hes says i dont make the effort to make him happy.ok i'll admit i was tired and it prob weren't as good as usual but should he be annoyed at me? he says he doesn't want to speak or see me for a few days.i would never make him go without oral sex i will do it for him to make him happy and i will try my best to please him (maybe not as often as he would like though)i can take or leave oral and i would never make him do it. he has a very high sex drive and we have sex everyday so its not as if hes being neglected in that area. I don't know if hes right to call me names if i am making the effort to do it in the 1st place. thanks to everyone for your answers, its really appreciated
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (19 October 2011):
It sounds like he is trying to change you, he wants someone who can passionately suck him off whenever he feels like it. But the reality of life is that you aren't going to be in the mood and want to do it at any given moments notice.
Sounds like he is not happy in the relationship to want to call the whole thing off over a blow job. 5 years in to a relationship maybe you both need to have a honest and open talk about where your relationship is going and is it going in the right direction.
A
female
reader, mrs.flyaway  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Yes, blow jobs are very important to men, they enjoy it even more than vaginal sex sometimes (that's what my boyfriend said). But this is still not a good excuse for him being a je*rk. Sorry for saying this, but he should be thankful you have done it and are still doing it for him even though you do not really like it. It is not your job to do it and you should be hundred percent comfortable with something in order to do it.
You should talk to him about it...
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 Throwing my two cents as well...
He's being a self-centered jerk. You are not his sex waitress! (Dear I will order one to go~)
It is not uncommon for women to dislike BJ's but do them to make their guys happy.
You were giving him a gift of affection/release/etc. He is acting like he is entitled to it a certain way.
His verbal abuse is uncalled for.
Also, you should NEVER feel intimidated to say NO. If you are tired, sore, sick..whatever, you should not feel worried about a conflict that results from declining.
I would be telling him that if he ever HOPED for another BJ, he better be more appreciative about it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 October 2011):
 Not on at all. Very much agree with all other posters.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2011):
 He's wrong. Totally.
Does he know you don't like doing it? Have YOU TOLD HIM?
If he KNOWS you don't like doing them and still demands them and then whines about it... he's WAY OUT OF LINE
to complain that he got one that was not up to par is RUDE...
I have to tell you however that doing them JUST TO MAKE HIM HAPPY is not a good thing either... because as you guys stay together and possibly get married, you will want to do them less and less and he will be on here in 10 15 years posting about how when he dated you, there were blowjobs but the minute you got married they stopped... and everyone will talk about bait and switch.
Personally if he wants/needs/demands them and you don't like doing them, you guys are sexually incompatible and may want to re-evaluate the relationship....
In my personal experience, I am with a man who WILL NOT/CANNOT perform oral sex.. BUT he told me this before we got involved so I went in with my eyes wide open knowing that activity was off the table. Yes I miss it. But I accept the limitations of the relationship. It's stuff you do when you love someone you compromise.
For my partner, being with a woman that does not give blow jobs is NOT an option.... some men could care less about getting BJs... most like them... some do not...
Just like there is religious incompatibility or social incompatibility there is sexual incompatibility. It's up to the couple to determine what will work for them.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 October 2011):
 He is being incredibly cruel here. You're being selfless by doing something you don't like to do to make him happy and he's being a self-centered jerk here. I think this relationship sounds borderline emotionally abusive. You say you really didn't want to but were frightened of being yelled at. No one should ever feel like they have to perform sex acts for their partner or they will be punished. It's normal to sacrifice sometimes for your partner, but the incentive should be that you want to do it, not that you're scared if you don't.As for this particular one, he is being a spoiled brat. It's like when you give a kid a red toy but they wanted the blue one so they throw a temper tantrum. So what do you do? You stop spoiling the kid. You need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel about this, that he was way out of line yelling at you since you felt pressured into giving him the blowjob and that shouldn't happen and that you gave him one despite not wanting to and he needs to respect how much effort that took. You are not an on demand sex doll. You are allowed to say no sometimes and allowed to vary in enthusiasm.If nothing changes dramatically I'd seriously reconsider this relationship.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 In full agreement with distinguished Mr. Grant.
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A
male
reader, Htsn47 +, writes (18 October 2011):
 He's totally out of line. He has no right to talk to you that way *period*, let alone over something like this. He's been with you five years - but it doesn't sound like he appreciates you enough.
He wants you to do something intimate that you don't like doing. You care enough to do it for him anyway. He should be grateful, not make you feel bad!
He's behaving like a spoiled child. He doesn't like the blowjob he got so he's not going to talk to you for a few days? Wow. That's an appalling way to treat someone you claim to care about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): It's hard to judge this although he has no right to call you names I think thats a bit over the top and you do at least make some effort. I have a similar problem with my gf though she won't give me a handjob and I really enjoy them she has done it twice in 3 years. I get so angry about it because I do everything to please her even doing things that I don't want to do so when she won't do something that I enjoy every so often it does put me in a rage. Especially when she does decide to do it she has such a miserable face on her.
Im not saying he is in the right but when you do give him a bj if you don't look like your enjoying it he knows its for the sake of it, he wants it to seem like you enjoy doing it for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Wow. No, it is not okay to be talking to you like that....don't allow him to do it....If some guy talked to me like that, tried to make me feel guilty, etc....that would be the end of the relationship...seriously, I don't take crap like that...he's sounds selfish and immature, sorry.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 He is out of order.
You gave him a gift. If someone gave you a gift that you didn't love, you would still be at least polite, even if not effusive.
Moreover, one of the things in a successful relationship is being more polite to your partner than to anyone else in your life. Clearly he didn't get that memo.
If there's anyone in this relationship who is being selfish, it's him. Only an idiot really thinks he's going to get more and better blowjobs by berating the girl and calling her names. In fact, most of us have learned that it's the exact opposite -- since girls by and large don't love doing it, giving negative reinforcement like that is likely to mean the end of bjs forever.
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