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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I know this is a relationship website, but i really really need some advice as to what to do and how to deal with what people will think. I know i shouldn't care about others opinions but i really can't help it!! Basically, since i was about 11 i'm 19 now i have wanted to get a nose job because i hate my side profile , my nose is too big for my face. Especially in pictures i am aware of it! Well, i've worn contacts that change my eye colour so much in the past two years and hair extensions and dyed my hair. So it makes me feel that if i get my nose done that my friends will all think i'm just fake and nothing about me is real. So after realising this, i threw away my hair extensions and contacts, as well as dyed my hair back to it's normal colour.But still i worry that i will be called fake or get people being rude about it. I mean i want to get it done before i go to university so that nobody there will know i've had it done, because if i have my nose job a couple months in it will be so obvious and i'll have to deal with the questions and i can't bare that!My mum and dad were reluctant at first, but said if i want to then fine and don't worry about what any of my friends think because i'm far from fake, cause how i am as a person makes me real. But it doesn't make me feel any better about what will come after, i still wonder if it's a good idea? And whether i should get it done before uni or while i'm at uni?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): You really need to evaluate what it is you want.
Is the pain and discomfort worthwhile?
Moreover, you're forever changing a part of yourself, however if it is what you really want, it seems fine to me.
You just have to be sure YOU want this, and that it's not masqueraded peer-pressure.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): I just want to add one point to all the other opinions is that you should carefully choose the surgeon and choose a really professional recommended expensive one cause if anything goes wrong it cannot be straightened again.you should really do your homework before taking this step.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I'm waiting for my upper eyelids to sag enough to interfere with my vision so my insurance will pay for an eye job. Not sure how to deal with the rest of my sags but I'll think of something. OP, I say go for it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 July 2011):
 if you want it and it will make you feel better emotionally and mentally then I think you should go for it. I am currently recovering from reconstructive plastic surgery (the worst pain I've ever experienced btw) and it cost a great deal of money not covered by the insurance but the mental (and physical) health benefits just 5 weeks later (and still recovering) is incredible....
Folks don't often think of how important mental health is... loving yourself is critical. if all you need to feel good about yourself is a nose job, then do it... but consult with a few doctors first and talk to them, they will tell you the best time to have it done and give you an idea of how it will look. The biggest problem with plastic surgery is that folks have unrealistic expectations of what the work will do.
It's like a person who is morbidly obese thinking that losing weight will fix ALL their problems... it won't. It only will fix their morbid obesity.... and a nose job will NOT fix any other problems other than your nose....
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I think this need for a nose job, coloured lenses, hair extensions...this speaks of something more than just what's on the surface. Why are you insecure of yourself? You need to gain confidence in yourself, because no amount of plastic surgery will do that for you. Always remember that happiness does not depend on getting something...today you want a nose job to make you feel better, tomorrow you would want something else. Need is endless.
OP, most of us have some complaint or the other about the way we look. Most people wish that they were a little slimmer, taller, had better skin, shiny hair, no acne....the list is endless. But really, is surgery the answer to that? Most of us make peace with our flaws because we dont let them stand in the way of our happiness.
When I was younger, my granny always said I have a horrible nose and no boy would ever want to marry me unless it somehow miraculously becomes better! That was a horrible thing to say, but WHO CARES!!?? I love my nose as it is, I dont think its bad and Iv never let anything ever come in the way of my self confidence. People who mean to you and love you, will do so irrespective of the shape of your nose or the colour of your hair. Why else would Prince Charles be with Camilla Parker Bowles?!
Also, have you considered the horrible possibility of a nose job going wrong? It happens sometimes, no matter how good a surgeon you choose, and then you would be left with something perfectly horrendous!
I say dont even think of all this. Chuck the fake lenses an hair extensions and the idea of a rhinoplasty. Embrace yourself the way you are. If you dont love yourself, how can you expect others to?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I too dislike my nose, I have done since the age of about 12 (and I'm now 24, with the same nose still!) and I have thought about a nose job many times. I think my nose is a big for my face, and I know I would look better in pictures if I had a different nose - but is it really worth the vast amount of money and pain, all in the name of vanity?
I was bullied significantly when I was younger (between the ages of 11 and 15), about my whole body including my nose. Hence why I was so intent on having surgery when I was younger, because due to the bullies comments I felt I would never be attractive with my nose.
But as I have grown older, my desire for a nose job has reduced significantly, and I have grown to accept myself for the way I am rather than trying to change everything about me. I never struggle for boyfriends or male attention, and I am happy to say I like the way I look now.
I only really believe that you should have any form of cosmetic surgery when you have been desperate for that surgery for at least 10 years, and your reasons are not purely for vanity (i.e. simply wanting to look better) - you want the surgery because deep down your self esteem is so low and your confidence is so little that it can never improve unless this one part of your body changes.
If you start having cosmetic surgery for vanity reasons there is a very good chance you will become addicted to it and will start changing more than just your nose. Surgery will not fix the way you feel about yourself, you might look a bit prettier in a photo but you will soon find another bit of your body to hate and then will obsess about changing that.
I honestly dont think your reasons for wanting this are strong enough - you dont need a new nose, you have got friends, family and you are going to Uni for a great education - you are a very lucky girl and many people your age dont even have half of what you have, so to get a nose job just because you dont like yourself side on seems very spoilt and selfish when there are so many other good causes that the money could go toawards.
If you still really want a nose job - I suggest you wait until after uni and see how you feel then. Normally once you are out of your teenage years you grow up a bit, and uni always changes a person and makes them grow and mature, so I would wait and see how you feel in a couple of years time. You might find that you are incredibly popular with the boys at uni and you might realise that you are beautiful just the way you are. You might see that there are so many people worse off than you that having a nose job is so incredibly vain that you shouldnt be spending that kind of money on something like this. Or you might be like me, and simply learn to like the way you look and make the most of your best asetts, so much so that they outshine the bad bits and you dont notice them so much anymore.
I am so glad I never had surgery - when I was a teenager I was 100% adamant that I was going to have a nose job but as the years have gone on that desire has faded. I'm sure you are beautiful just the way you are now, and dont need to hide yourself behind a fake nose, fake hair or fake eye colours - be yourself and learn to love that person, we are all born different with our own little imperfections and that is what makes us special.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Get the nose job if it will make you happy. And as far as what others think, don't feel badly about caring. Despite what people say, everyone cares what people think to varying degrees. No one wants to be thought of as a paedophile, stupid, unattractive, foolish etc.
And if your friends or anyone else accuse you of not being 'real' then just remind them that they shave or wax their legs and other body parts, shape their eyebrows, wear cosmetics, curl/straighten/highlight/dye their hair, polish their nails, get a tan (spray paint or fake'n'bake). Gee, THAT's not fake (sarcasm).
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (26 July 2011):
I would wait. Like Nime said your face is going to change some more. I look different now than I did at 18 (I'm 23). My cheekbones are more pronounced and my facial shape has developed. So from that POV I would wait until you're about my age before taking such a drastic step.
I think the biggest issue here is your insecurity. If you needed hair extensions and colored contact lenses before to boost your self esteem, you are presenting a picture of yourself that is not true.
Sure, we all alter ourselves in some way with makeup and flattering clothes, but you seek to really change yourself in something you're not. I'm afraid that once your nose is 'fixed' you will concentrate on something else you don't like about yourself.
I would get those insecurity issues sorted out first because though it may seem your nose causes it it's actually something that lies underneath. Once dealt with, you will be more objective about your appearance and then you can decide if that's what you really want.
Anyway, this is just my opinion. If you really feel that doing this is going to make you happier, by all means go for it. But make sure your expectations are in line with what the surgeon can do.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 By the way... sort of had a nose job myself, haha. I broke my nose once, and it got bent to the side. So, since no one wants to walk around with a nose looking like a member of the mafia, I had it snapped back in place at the doctors.
I will warn you that your face swells up and you look bruised and horrible all over for weeks.
Maybe talk to a doctor about the procedure first, healing time, complications, risks and when it is beneficial to have the surgery done. And then take some more time to think about it.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 July 2011):
Maybe wait until after uni and see how you feel about your nose then? Because as it is right now you are putting a time limit on yourself to make the decision, and it's only adding pressure you do not need. A decision like this one needs to be carefully thought through, and it doesn't sound like you're done thinking.
I'm all for going to cosmetic surgery, if you can afford it, and it will make you feel better about yourself. However, I worry you'll be rushing into things when you add this time frame on it.
Think about it some more, without worrying about uni. Who cares what people will think of you, you are the one who needs to live with you, and if it makes YOU happy then really.. nothing else matters. I too think it'd be smart to do it before a chance of scenery, so that you can "start fresh" with new people and a new nose and not have to explain anything. However, you aren't done thinking about this. So, do it after uni. Or do it midway through uni if you think it wont matter and you feel comfortable about it. Depending on the university you go to there will be so many people there that you're bound to meet new people every year and every semester. If you pick a large university you can change the group you hang out with whenever you feel like it too.
So, bottom line: think about it some more, feel comfortable about it, and don't think about needing to rush before uni! Do it when it feels like the time is right, and not because of practical reasons (like before or after uni).
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (26 July 2011):
 First, my disclaimer: I generally disagree with plastic surgery unless it's reconstructive or has a health benefit. Also if, let's say, one is born with a cosmetic deformity that puts them at risk of developing serious psychosocial issues, I can support it as a valid reason to get plastic surgery. But is this you? Are you being teased to the point where you can't leave your house? It sounds like you have friends, you care about your looks, you have supportive parents and a relatively happy life for a teenager. That's more than what a lot of teenagers have. So what will this nose surgery do for you? You'll look better from the side in pictures? Do you think that's a good reason for plastic surgery? I don't know... I think you need to probe around your self and find out what exactly will make you happy.
So anyway, enough of my philosophy on plastic surgery. Let's say you really need to do this for your self-esteem. If I were you I would wait until I was about 24-25 to get this done. At 18 your face is still growing and will start to elongate, thin and change over the next several years. If you get a nose surgery now it might suit your face today, but what about 5 years later when your face has matured into adulthood?
But maybe you can't wait, so what I would do in this case is get the surgery before you attend university so you can have a fresh start. If anyone points it out and you're embarrassed to tell the truth, you tell them you had to get it done because the shape of your old nose was chronically interfering with the way you sleep and breathe (i.e., a deviated septum). You don't need to offer any more explanation than this, as most people will not question a medical reason for a surgery.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (26 July 2011):
 If it's something you want to do, then do it. If it's going to make you feel better about yourself, then do it. If your friends see you as fake after you get this done, then they're not real friends to begin with because the only thing that should matter is your personality, not your beauty. If you want people to get used to it sooner, then you should get it done before you go to college.
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