A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI work with a woman whom im very attracted to. We see each other occasionally but it always seems to be hit and miss on how she reacts to me. Some days I can go up and talk to her, and she will make me feel welcome and is happy to talk for a while, smiling and asking how I am etc, and others Im almost too scared to approach her for fear of 'disturbing her' in her work, and she can be extremely serious. She is really busy and so am I, but I can always find time to talk to her, but it seems to be not so the other way round. She has not once approached me, and in fact ignores me more often than not. It seems that if i make the effort to talk to her, she will respond (and this can be a mixed bag, but when she is being friendly she is a joy to talk to). I like her immensely, but am finding her very difficult to 'read'. I dont know what she wants, if anything at all- maybe to leave her alone? Is she just too polite to tell me to get lost, does she have a problem with me, or otherwise?Also the longer I leave it before talking to her, the harder it is to approach her, and Ive even chickened out once or twice, later kicking myself thinking 'whats the worst that can happen?'In regards to her I'm completely confused and dont know what to think, and to be honest have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes we can pass in the hallway and her greeting is very enthusiastic, on others, she just stares at me and doesnt say a word (like today) - On the other side of the coin my reaction to her is always positive and a lot more consistent.Am I wasting my time with her? I feel it would be a stretch to call her a 'friend', as it is too one sided, but like her enough that if i dont talk to her for a few days i start to have 'withdrawal symptoms' (ie sadness), so to speak.Thanks for any enlightenment! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wonder why we all have to play the guessing game- in an ideal world everyone would just say what they thought intead of the 'games' that we all partake in, expecting each other to be mind readers. We all do it, and then wonder why we get it wrong so often, and feelings are hurt etc.
Very deep and meaningful right?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): Would it be possible that she is just as confused as you are? Just looking at it from a female point of view, maybe she is wondering why you havn't asked her out yet..I actually think she does like you but is unsure if you like her, because if you did you'd ask her out right?! If she didn't like you she would have just ignored your messages or politely told you she is not interested, But she is consistant. That means she likes you.Im guessing she is around the same age, so I don't think she is just texting you back to spare your feelings. Id say this would be the case with somebody in their late teens (no offense people). But she is a grown woman, so if she wasn't interested I really don't think she'd be bothered to be honest.If you really like her, just tell her and arrange a date if you get a positive reaction from her. I think she is just as confused as you and one of you needs to come clean.So why not you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks doublejack, very wise words there. Yes I read your reply this morning and had been thinking about her all day (like most days) and come to the conclusion that you're right, and it is a waste of time trying to become friendly with her, whatever interest in me she may have had, has passed, so as the saying goes, I'll be flogging a dead horse, not that it was that alive to start with..
I guess the annoying thing is the consistency in her reponses- id rather she had ignored me in the first place rather than giving me ideas that she was interested, the amount of time (and sanity) wasted :)
Thanks again
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A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (26 July 2011):
My advice is to forget this one, at least for now. You admit that it's a stretch to call her a friend, even though you've made repeated attempts to get to know her. She has not once approached you herself and is prone to ignoring you. Yea, I'm sorry but she isn't that difficult to read - she's not interested. Asking her out at this juncture would be a mistake, as she would very likely shoot you down. When a woman is interested she's not that hot & cold toward you, and she will at least occasionally be the one to do the approaching. This girl is most likely just being friendly and is too nice to ask you to go away.
It's probably for the best, anyway. I'm not an advocate of dating coworkers because of the potential for complications and drama. It's ok for teenagers and early 20-somethings because they're often not working a job in their ultimate career path... but at your age that's probably not the case. You are likely established in your career and not thinking of the next job, but rather focused on the one you have. If things went badly, which is always a risk, how willing would you be to find another job just to create some separation with her? That's the worst case scenario.
That said, I have experience dating coworkers and I'm in the same age range you are. I'm 35 and have been at the same job for 9+ years now. The angle I pursue is to establish a friendship first. Don't worry about ending up in the "friend zone"... a guy can pretty easily get upgraded from friend to a possible romantic partner *IF* she finds you attractive. So if you really are interested in this coworker, just continue to be warm toward her and attempt to establish a real friendship. Take is slowly and see how receptive she is. However, be prepared for it to go nowhere, and I wouldn't expend a lot of time or energy on her. In other words, don't put all of your eggs in this basket. You should pursue women who you don't work with while this situation plays out.
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