A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I heard off a good friend of mine that my son is apparently not mine.When I met my girlfriend about 5 years ago she was a single mum, who had a 3-year-old son.Two years later, we moved in together, our life was good, we then decided to try for a baby.Eventually she got pregnant, and I was there to see the birth.Now I hear that my young son may not be really mine - and that the dad has never even seen him (same for the 3-year-old son, who has never even seen his dad either!)It's got me doubting my love for my fiancee, and this doesn't sound like idle rumours, my friend said that it was serious, and I should worry about it A LOT.My young son has bonded with me well, I would feel so upset to find out that he may not be mine.How can I ever get out of this situation?I feel like it's hard to get out to this... it's making me worry for the future of my relationship.I have asked my fiancee if she had something she wanted to talk about, but she insisted there was nothing.I need help, no idea where to go next...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): firstly, you are not a bad man for questioning this child's paternity. yes, you my love him and care for him but you NEED to know whether he is actually your own seed. get a DNA test done asap, to resolve this once and for all. yes, you will get lots of responses to say that it doesn't matter whether you fathered this kid or not, but it really is - you need to know so that no bitterness festers and no doubt. also the big trust question will pop up regarding the partner. she will have some major answers/excuses to come up with if the child is not yours. too many women have woodwinked decent caring men into believeing that they are the dads, when the mothers know that this is a lie. these women need to know that the game is up and that men are starting to get wise and questioning paternity. at least you have the guts to question, too many men spend the rest of their lives questioning and tormenting themselves without getting closure. you please do not be one of them - you question, and get the proof. the next thing you need to be realistic about is- if it turns out the kid is not yours, then what????
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Get a DNA test. Now.
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind  +, writes (28 August 2009):
whether he is yours BIOLOGICALLY is irrelevant. You are the dad.
He loves you, your fiance may not respect you if she truly was unfaithful.
But just because your say may not have been concieved by you, doesnt make him any less of your child.
-iydm
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A
female
reader, hunkydory +, writes (28 August 2009):
Tell your fiancé what people are saying, sit down and talk to her but if you dont want to then there is DNA tests. But no matter what the results are will you stay with your girl and bring the kid up as if it was your own? Was your dad always there for you if yes imagine how it would be without him, if no did you long for a father figure to look up to? Just think about it.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (28 August 2009):
 well to be honest these are just rumours you've not had any real proof of this situation right?
i mean just your "good!" friend, sometimes they aren't true.
if you are highly concerned i suggest you sit down with your fiancee and let her know what's going on tell her what your "good" friend has said and that you are starting to doubt it.
if she denies it but you still feel you need more proof ask for a DNA test but if she denies it and you've got NO other evidence then i think it's just a silly rumour you need to tread carefully because rumours like this can ruin your life and your families lives.
hope this helps.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
male
reader, JSBach +, writes (28 August 2009):
Well, there are DNA test services available, and your fiance doesn't need to know about it.
How you handle the results is a different matter. If a man goes through life happily in the mistaken belief that he is the father of his wife's child, no harm is done, but you have very serious doubts. Do you think they are likely to go away?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): I have a friend who is involved with a woman that had a baby. Now, many years later, the baby, now a son going into grade six or seven (not quite sure the grade), my friend heard from one of his other friends that he might not actually be the father.Guess what?My friend told his friend that he already knew, since before his son was born. It was simply that he did not tell his then-fiancee, now wife, that he knew. Over the years, he had bonded well with the son and overlooked this matter with the then-fiancee, now wife. He had told me that the bond he achieved with the son was so much greater than the mere raw emotions he had when he found out about it on his own. Indeed, on the inside, his emotions ran amok. He both hated and loved his then-fiancee, now wife. He had to deal with his own ego, the betrayal, the urge to expose it all.Was he weak? No. Did he allowed her to step all over him? Definitely not. So why did he do that, put himself through all that? Simple: to be there with the son that will be born, to form that bond that with bridge that broken gap between the mother and husband-to-be that became the father.I admired him for that greatly. Most people on this planet would not think twice about it and would easily dismiss that same bond for the sake of their own ego. Of course, I am not saying you should follow my friend's footsteps. You have your own life. You have your own desires and limitations. However, weigh yourself - current and future. If you cannot live with this, then pursue to find the 'truth'. However, remember this: Cause and effect.We all choose our own battles. What are you willing to lose? What are you willing to gain?Think about, before making your move.
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A
female
reader, angel sweeney +, writes (28 August 2009):
 alright foreal,just chill out for a moment and dont bring yourself down because the baby can see that and sense it too...did you ask your fiancee if she cheated on you,thats the number one answer first...and if she did still dont get all upset cause your not sure if that could not be your kid...and also dont ever tell the woman that your with ,that its not your baby because she'll end up telling him when he gets old enough and that hes your kid and that you doubted him..and that wont be cool on your part but my suggestion is to take a paternity test...and even if thats not your kid you should still be in his life because he dont know any other father and it would mean him alot when he gets older
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