A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of three years yesterday. He is the only man I have ever loved and he made me feel more loved than anyone could possibly explain. I broke up with him because even though our relationship was so fantastic, other aspects of my life were crumbling because of it. I didn't know who i was anymore, i only know myself as one half of this couple, we were in our own world where anything else seemed quite threatening. I lost contact with my friends(my own stupid choice because i always prefered his company to anyone's), so now we're broken up i have no one to help me through it.I tried for pretty much the entire last year of our relationship to find a blalance between 'us' and my social life,studies etc but as soon as i started to became more independant, our relationship deteriorated. I love and miss him terribly, and am terrified he'll move on even though he has the right, but also feel like if i had stayed with him, i would have regretted not experiencing things on my own and finding out exactly who i am. This always seemed to be my problem, not his, so does that mean that no matter who i'm with, my relationships can never survive without sacrificing my friendships and career??? What if i never find the balance?
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female
reader, jadabryant21  +, writes (28 August 2009):
Darling... I wish I could take my own advise but maybe your will and power is stronger than mine.... Never... ever... ever sacrifice yourself and your priorities for anyone else. Believe me, It is all about you. The person who loves you will love you how you are... flaws and all.. Believe me I know that you must be hurting like shit right now.. but you will get over it... I have been through it and back... and because I went back to the same shit with the same guy I am paying the price. My advise is RUN and never look back. We all have a person destined to be with.. and every heartbreak gets us closer to that True Love.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (28 August 2009):
 You make time for each other. You can have friends. I think you forgot to include him in your friendships with others.True couples always get along with each others' friends and you can spend time together and with friends. Its all how you define things. There is nothing unnatural about wanting to spend time with the people that you truly love.We want to be with the people we are in love with as much as possible, but then we also have friends too. And with so little time in a busy work week or study week, sometimes all we have is a few hours every day to spend with our loved ones.So time becomes precious. This doesn't mean you can't strike a balance. But its ultimately up to you how to make amends with all of your friends and acquaintances and spend time outside of your relationship too.Its all how you work it out with your significant other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmt7300, It's nice to know i'm not alone in my predicament. Thankyou and also Lilly Rose for taking the time to respond and your suggestions so far.I'm having serious second thoughts about my breakup. I am now on the way to making amends with my friends and getting them back, but i keep thinking my boyfriend had never made the problems- like Lilly Rose said, it's all about the choices i've made to spend all my time with him.I guess i thought once i established my friendships and get my old life back, we'd eventually reunite once i'd found this balance. He is the sweetest most amazing man. But what if he finds someone else in the meantime? What if i end up losing the person i was meant to be with just because of my own problems and inability to juggle my life?Is taking time out to figure who you are always the best option? And do i have a right to talk to him about this?Any helpful advice would be appreciated :-)
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A
female
reader, mt7300 +, writes (28 August 2009):
I'm going through this same thing right now. I was with my bf for just over 2 years and he was my everything. I could tell him anything and he is still the best friend that I have ever had. But I lost all of my friends when I was with him because I too preferred him over everyone. He had to spend nearly everyday with me and at first that was fine until I realised how much I missed doing things for me. We had our own little world, no one understood our relationship but it was perfect, except for the aspect that I didnt have a life other than him. For the last year I realised how much I'm missing out on. I do miss him soo soo much but all and all I am better off. I'm very tempted to go back, quite often, but I don't want to be separated from the world anymore. I've started taking guitar lessons, and I have so many friends now. People want to hang out with me all the time and I've replaced his love with theirs. I've been through hell in this last month but it'll just keep getting better. You want to find someone that you can balance your life with theirs. You shouldnt change your life for a guy, everything in your life is what makes you you. You should find a guy that loves you and everything that is a part of you (such as your friends). I thought my bf was all I ever needed but in the end I needed more
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (28 August 2009):
 The balance has to be made by you and only you....you chose to be with your partner more then friends....if you want it all you have to make time for it all...you can have a good relationship and still have friends and career of course if not noo one would be with anyone!
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