A
female
age
51-59,
*haloo
writes:HiI'm the cheated Wife. My Ex found his true love at work and they both conspired to Divorce their spouses. She has a kid and I've a little boy as well. My ex was not sure in the beginning but she pressured him to get the divorce first and she would file as well once his was complete. In the mean time her ex filed for Divorce which she never thought would happen. She is really determined and stubburn. I had begged her many times to let my Ex go but everytime she said "she doesn't have a gun on his head" and they both are entitled for their happiness. My Ex always wanted an aggressive, passionate woman like her but married me. He says he felt pitty for me since I was a widow, he cared for me but never loved me and this girl is giving him the emotional, physical attnetion he lacked in our marriage. Its been almost three years and our Divorce ended this Jan. During this time he was very Fickle minded. Came back to reconcile in Jan. but left in a week and came again in May and then went back to her. In this whole process I got pregnant but he asked me to abort the child. He also mentioned his girlfriend is OK with taking care of both the kids if I decided to keep the baby. He loves that about her that how cooperative and forgiving and logical she is. He said he was confused for last two years and he felt guilty for me and missed his son thats why he came back but now he could see clearly that how much he loves this person. He calls it Magical love. My question to everyone is, is it truly real love, am I an obstacle in their path of happiness?? They're planning to get married, do you think its gonna last? Just need a Closure
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at work, divorce, her ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Shaloo, firstly, big hugs.
i think you are realistic therefore you had the abortion. your hb would not have been in that babys life and that would have been sad.
as for being married twice, yes there is some 'stigma" attached in some consevative cultures. but know this: you have done nothing wrong. you were widowed in the first instant and now your hb has betrayed you. whoever wants to talk, let them. as long as you know the truth. they do not know the real oyu and one day, i promise, you will find love again. you deserve it and you will be loved, truly and completely. you need to believe that.
as for your hb i hope you try to cut off all ties (except for your child) and make certain he knows nothing about you going forward. the sooner he is out of your life the better and you will heal quicker as well.
my heart goes out to you and know that you are not alone. take care and send us an update soon.
A
female
reader, shaloo +, writes (12 August 2010):
shaloo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advices. Really it means a lot. I'm really hurt and confused.
I went ahead and aborted the child yesterday since my Ex has decided he has nothing to do with the baby. All he could do is provide "Financial" support. I didn't want to explain to one more child why his/her father doesn't stay as family, I'm already dealing with traumatized 5 year old. This was the hardest decision for me since I always wanted a sibling for my son.
About moving on, it will take me a long time since I truly loved him. I'm sure I made enough mistakes in my 9 years of marriage by not appreciating him, boosting his ego and not understanding his likes and dislikes. He still gave me lot of attention and care(not Love). Besides finding another person is gonna be pretty hard for me. I'm from India and Indian men don't date divorces that easy and that also given my situation where it will be my third time(my first husband died of heart attack).
As I mentioned before, maybe for my EX, this is his true love. I need to let him go. Hope they both are happy with each other.
Thanks everyone again.
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A
male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (12 August 2010):
This guy loves the fact he has two women on the go and most likely you're bombarding him with questions about why he is doing this and how he feels...and he loves it. Absolute no contact with him, yes you have a child but keep it official, in order for you to move on you must escape from this relationship purgatory you are in. Stop humouring the bastard, he says he doesn't love you and found a magical love yet he's cheating on her with you, when he was with you he cheated on you with her. He'll use your emotional attachment to keep you hooked just so long as he can come over and be "confused" with you. I bet if you start dating again he won't like it much and he'll be "confused" again. Focus on yourself more, eat right, exercise, get some self confidence and self worth, heck join a dating website, go out and meet people and have fun, and stop being beholden to this jerk! Take small steps forward but in the end you'll see giant progress. He gives us men a bad name. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Ck1 +, writes (12 August 2010):
Your worth more...than a man like that.
Hes spoke and treated you awfully..
The grass is rarely greener on the other side...but dont be there when he's left with nothing. Be happy with someone who'll respect you! Goodluck! Look after your self!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Gamine, yet agan excellent advice. you make sense girl, you make sense!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Fantastic post, Gamine!!
I echo that. Do NOT let him reconcile and definitely don't let him waffle sexually between the two of you. Sounds like deep down, he knew he didn't want to really lose you, but she pushed him to cut you loose.
Leaving you will be the biggest regret of his life, no matter what he's told you, because his actions are saying that he wanted a fling and not to actually leave you, but he was too weak to stand up to his mistress.
Do EXACTLY what Gamine said down to the last letter!
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Well said, Gamine. Well said.
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A
female
reader, Janice25  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 hello. it is indeed a mess of a situation.But you see it
is only complicated because people want to.
I think it is up to u to have the baby or not.but as for
the father u should avoid him.Hhas made up his mind.U need
to let him go.If he says he loves her, let him be with her.
But just do not let him come back to you ever again.
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A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (12 August 2010):
He is a loser! Let him go!! Who cares if there marrege will last, you got two kids now, so work on finding someone new, he has said manyt times, that he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you. ( As hard as that must be) just leave him don't let him keep walking all over you :) good luck.
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A
female
reader, JennyBuckwell +, writes (12 August 2010):
 This sounds more like a passionate love affair derived from unhapiness in both theyre lives rather than true love. When people reach a stage of comfort after being together for a while, some may experience a need for something new and different and exciting which is out of the norm and act upon this feeling selfishly. You are not a pawn in this game and should not take this treatment. If your husband is uncertain of what he wants then make the decision for him and show him what an independant woman you too can be! There are many men out there with who you will be compatable so theres no point wasting any more time on someone who is unsure whether or not they want to be with you.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Oh my God he is the limit!!! He's certinally had a nice time having his exciting strong minded girlfriend and his so called plain wife on the side. What a tosser seriously get this guy out of your life he's treating you like a doormat and you DO NOT deserve that!! Don't cut him out of your child's life but get someone else to do the drop off so you don't ever have to see the loser ever ever again. You are better off without this guy he's trash!
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A
female
reader, blakjacq +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I think I'm too young to give you advice on this that has any real weight. but you dont really wanna keep sharing him do you? You letting him have the best of boths worlds and that's not fair to you. I would say move on from him. He made his decision how let him live with. I hope that emotionally you grow past him, and keep your heart available to be swept away by some one perfect for you. IT's never too late to find lasting happiness with someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): It sounds like you already know that it was not really right between you two. You say he never loved you. You talk about pitty, duty, obligation and guilt. These are not the things that build a happy relationship.
I don't think the question is whether their relationship will last, but rather it is whether it is right for you two to be together... and from what I can see it is dead wrong!
You deserve to be with someone who can love you not pitty you. You deserve someone who thinks you are special and is with you because you bring them joy and happiness not out of pitty. You deserve so much more and you should never go back there. Once you realise your worth, you will find a man who will treat you with the respect you deserve and give you good love. I truly truly hope that happens for you... and there is nothing surer than that it will not happen with this guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I don't think anyone from the outside can say whether something is "true love," sometimes people in the relationship don't even know.
I can say statistically speaking that marriages that start from an affair are less likely than other marriages to last.
This sounds like a really rough situation to be in, I'm sorry :( Closure can't come from knowing what's going to happen to them though (as much as I can imagine it would be nice to know) it's going to have to come from processing your own thoughts and feelings fully until you are ready to move on.
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