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age
41-50,
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writes: I'm 36 and have been married for 15 years,we have 3 children and have been happy for most of our married life. I've recently been getting feelings for an 18 year old girl at work and we have been flirting by text and she claims she fancies me aswell. She is in a steady relationship and we have both agreed we wouldn't take things any further due to my marriage and her relationship. What also makes things worse is my wife also works at the same company and i beleive i'm starting to play with fire. This other girl has recently told me she has had alot of personal problems with regards to her family and she has now told me her father beats her on a regular basis. She has no one else to talk to so its got to the point where she uses me to talk to when she needs someone. I know i've got to stop the flirting but i feel i can't just stop contact with her as she needs someone to talk to.
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at work, co-worker, flirt, girl at work, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Simple. Refer ur friend to a abuse hotline. U dont wanna be there for someone like this itll get way dramatic n stressful. Put her in someone elses hands.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 If she has problems then she can talk to a counselor or someone who can genuinely help her. Don't fall into this crap about being a shoulder to cry on. She doesn't need the support of a married man to help her out and in any case what can you do, realistically speaking, apart from just listening to her and entertaining her? How is that going to help her? You're not solving the problem in any way, if at all there is any.
Stop playing with fire. Stay away from this girl and save your marriage whilst you still can
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): 18 year old girls need the support of others in their peer group or an older wiser woman. Not from a flirtatious late 30's married family man. And she already has someone to talk to - her BOYFRIEND. You have already been playing with fire the minute you started flirting with her. She obviously has daddy issues due to her abusive father and probably that's why she got drawn to you since you're twice her age. Do you want to involve your family in something so messed up? Because you are involving your wife and kids since you are not a single man you are not free to act alone. You should start preparing to confess to your wife that you've been flirting with this girl and she is getting more serious about wanting this to be an emotional affair. Because with your wife in the same company it's only a matter of time before she finds out through the grapevine (young girls like to gossip a lot) and especially if you try to distance yourself from this girl she might get upset and let everyone know about your flirtations as a way to get revenge on you. Better that your wife finds out from you first than from someone else. This 18 year old girl holds all the cards now because she has far less to lose than you should the flirtations be made public. Therefore she sees less urgency in keeping things confidential. She doesnt have a 15 year marriage and 3 kids. If she breaks up with her boyfriend it isnt that big a deal girls that age break up all the time and they havent been together that long. Whereas you could lose your marriage and family and your in laws will hate you forever. She doesn't have as many years invested in a career as you. She can easily recover professionally or start over at another job since she is only in a very junior position now. But you as the more senior mid career person will suffer a loss of reputation and risk being accused of sexual harrassment if she gets mad that you don't want to take things further. She might even tell her boyfriend and psycho violent father and they will both come after you. Therefore you should tell your wife immediately what's being going on because this can easily blow up in your face at any time so she should hear it from you first and that way you relieve yourself from having to hide things from her when dealing with this girl's next move.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): She needs someone to talk to? Doesn't she have female friends? What about her other female coworkers? What about her boyfriend?
You shouldn't be the one she leans on. She is trying to play the damsel in distress.
How about introducing her to your wife. That will keep you on the straight and narrow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Flirting by text? Smart move.
Now she has evidence that you have been even slightly unfaithful to your wife, and if she were to scream 'sexual harassment' those text messages are only going to assist her.
What you need to do it delete all messages sent to her, and if possible delete the messages from her phone (this will be difficult). Then, let her know that she needs to talk to a professional about her problems.
You then need to go home and cherish the 'happy' family you have been blessed with for 15 years.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 She does need someone to talk to about her issues with her father and family life, but a married man twice her age?
Are any of your children girls? How would you feel if one of them ended up in a vulnerable position when they get a bit older? How would you feel about the twice-as-old, married guy offering 'support'?
She's in a very vulnerable position and you must find a way to back off without damaging this already damaged young woman.
If you play this wrong, you could very easily find yourself on your own and out of a job.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (19 January 2013):
She's an adult. She's doesn't need you and you don't need her.
You're very lucky to have a happy family even after 15 years, it'd be rediculous to lose that over nothing.
As stated friendship is fine, but stop flirting and stop hiding. And friendship with temptation is best avoided.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 January 2013):
There’s nothing wrong with a friendship with some-one of the opposite sex, and being there for them if they’re going through a tough time. But if you think this is likely to go further then put a stop to it now. She can always seek counselling if she needs to unburden herself, it does sound like she’s got a pretty tough life. But harsh as that sounds, if you think it’s going beyond acceptable boundaries you need to gently tell her to look elsewhere for a listening ear. Some-one who’s married that she has a crush on isn’t going to be the right person.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2013):
Are you nuts? You've got a wife and 3 kids, and you're talking about this 18 year old like she's just going to be another kid who you'll have to feed and cloth. She has problems, and may well be out just to screw you! She can go and get professional help if she has issues, or you can advise that she calls the police.
But, in a nutshell, go home to your wife and kids, or you'll be on here in a years time wondering why she left and you only see your kids every 2nd weekend. It happens all the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): Here we go again. Another older man getting caught up in the young girl web. She don't want you. She wants the security, the money and a way out. She's already let you know that she has daddy issues. You're giving her the attention she longs for from her dad. Are you seriously willing to risk hurting your wife and family for this? Think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Take it from a woman who has had this done to her, being left for someone young will devastate your wife.Have you ever wondered why young girls go for older men? Because the younger guys know just exactly what they are about and are not willing to be caught up in their games. And it might be all fun and exciting for you because you are bored in your relationship and this young girl has caught you up in her fantasy web, but this too becomes boring and if I had to guess you will have to deal with alot of hissy fits as well. So work on your relationship with the woman who has been with you, and loves you. Don't do this to her. Get a baby sitter, take your wife out on a date and rekindle your love for her. Don't be another cliche.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): Maybe your wife needs to start flirting with the 21 year old fedex hunk and that should about even the score.Rule of thumb. Don't do to others what you don't want done to yourself!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 January 2013):
 OK!! Just try and step outside of La La land for a minute.
No point telling you to STOP because secretly you are loving this and enjoying getting away with flirting and being the 'be all and end all' to this young silly girl.
She may need someone to talk about her problems to but why does that HAVE to be you? (I am sure she has girlfriends to confide in, people her own age who can relate)...maybe because it gives you an ego boost? Makes you feel like the big man?...If you can't see this as a big fat excuse for you to get away with what you are doing then excuse me but your an idiot.
It's all a bit too exciting isn't it...Older married man get's attention from young girl (barely out of childhood)...and whose to know?...right?
Thing is you are indeed playing with fire, not only are you risking your marriage and your job (because if you suddenly withdraw your attention and little Missy don't like that, she might scream sexual harrassment...some young girls can be like that, you know...little emotional time bombs they are) You are also risking the wrath of her family, the embarrassment to your family and potentially losing your home when your wife gets it in the divorce for your infidelity.
These games seem like a thrill at the time, you are obviously lacking some kind of personal morals, or maybe your just a jerk...but it's your party my dear and only you can apreciate the total horror it could turn into...and all for a tiny bit of skirt!!!
Good Luck.
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