A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, this is probably a divided opinion sort of question haha, but please try to respect my opinion. :)My boyfriend of 4 months has on occasion openly "gawked" over other girls, girls 1000000x more attractive than me. On top of this, not once (literally) has he called me attractive or anything positive about my appearance. I can kind of ignore this...Just got told that he's in charge of planning his mates stag night, so I knew there would be drinking and stuff. He said "Omg I hope we can go to Amsterdam for a month" so I was like "...But you don't smoke?" and he said "Yeah, but that'll be a month of PERFECT prostitutes and gorgeous strippers!"I... I didn't even know what to say. :/ I know this is horrible for men, but honestly, I do consider it cheating. You're going to a place to get touched up by more attractive women.I don't know what to do. -.- Am I wrong to feel like the most hideous person alive? -.-
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, emzarr  +, writes (21 January 2013):
You will never be treated with the respect you deserve if you stay with this sleaze. You're a kind female and should be with someone who respects you and your feelings.
He is with you, he's not a single party boy.
Get rid of him while you can. Trust me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): He has never complimented you, and wants to go to 'hooker paradise' to ogle the gorgeous women for a month?
Dump him immedately, if not sooner!!!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Oh god... more brits, just what we need.
If you put a sign up in a cafe window "no blacks" or "no muslims" you would get a righteous smackdown.
There are plenty of places in Amsterdam that say "no brits". Nobody objects. Not even the brits, they are to drunk.
But that is not your question... what is your question? It seems to me there are two, you have a serious self-esteem issue (really, a million times more attractive?) and your boyfriend seems to be a bit uncaring?
You just ignore he never called you attractive? You are aware that attractiveness has NOTHING to do with beauty? Attractiveness is the force that attracts you to someone because they way they are, act and yes LOOK but it is the total package. And it is very common for someone to find themselves attracted to a person who does not follow the classic ideals of beauty. In fact, a certain non-beauty CAN be highly attractive, take Julia Roberts far to wide mouth.
Same as women with a bit more padding can be far more attractive to men then super models even if everyone says thin is beautiful.
But EVEN if you are not beautiful by fashion standards, him never saying anything about how attractive you are (to him) is just not done. Flattery is part of being together, praising the other. It is what you do, even if it exaggerated.
And if he doesn't find you attractive at all... what does this say of your relationship? Just the best he could get... for now?
I think you are using the Amsterdam trip as an excuse to call into question the very foundation of your relationship or at least you should.
Why is he with you. Why are you with him? And no "I love him" is NOT enough of an answer.
Oh and finally, I don't think you will find anyone here who doesn't consider touching strippers as cheating. Watching is one thing, touching an entire thing altogether.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Yea this guy is a pig u need to get rid of him fast.
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A
female
reader, dcgirl15  +, writes (19 January 2013):
I know that it sucks to be put down by someone you care about. That same thing just happened to me (bad break up earlier this week). However, what I'm trying to tell myself is that a relationship should make you happy. It should make you feel good and help you be the best version of yourself. Just think about it: in most successful relationships, the couple hope to eventually live together or get married. Why would you want to live or marry someone that doesn't make you feel beautiful, good, and attractive.You deserve that. He is not giving you that. So either he needs to change and become more respectful or you need to get out. I'm not a believer in being able to change others.Good luck.In the mean time, I think you should find things that make you feel more confident about yourself. Maybe yoga, working out, volunteering, buying some new clothes,little ways to indulge. To your original question: I think sleeping with a prostitute is cheating. Pretty much everyone does. Either put your foot down and tell him no or dump him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 January 2013):
You obviously have self esteem issues, so breaking up with him may be hard, but there is really no other option that you should consider. You're not married or anything and you've only been together for a few months.
Why in the world should you tolerate someone who doesn't treat you well?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): "Yeah, but that'll be a month of PERFECT prostitutes and gorgeous strippers!"I'd dump someone just for saying that! If he says that and he doesn't compliment you why would you stick around? How did you end up with him? He sounds like a child.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 January 2013):
 oh even I think he's wrong. And I have no issues with strippers or porn.... and do not consider either cheating.
But I do consider hookers cheating. Always.
you are not the most hideous person alive. He is. And his BAD behavior is NOT a reflection on YOU in any way.
I would not only let this very short term boyfriend go to Amsterdam but I would tell him not to bother to come back to you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2013):
You're definitely wrong to feel like the most hideous person alive. That description can be reserved for your seriously crap boyfriend.
This guy hasn't got even the tiniest bit of respect for you. Okay, sometimes men do look at other woman, and vice versa. But to not compliment you, and to be looking at other woman, is a red flag. To then go on a stag party, and hope that you can stay there for a month because of 'gorgeous strippers and prostitutes' really should be a deal breaker. He's clearly not just going to go there and watch, he'll wind up cheating on you.
The worst thing here, is that your whole post just makes you seem so underconfident. For some reason, British woman (and in fact woman all around the world), have this terrible habit of settling for second rate men. Your boyfriend isn't worth another moment of your time, and instead of taking his crappy treatment, you should be ending it and finding someone who has respect for you. If you don't, there's a real risk of you winding up in a cycle where you just settle for bad men. You don't deserve that.
Dump this one and let him have his strippers and prostitutes. You go find a nice guy instead.
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