A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok well me (20) and my new boyfriend (26) have started having sex and hes given me oral but i havent given him yet because it makes me feel sick doing it so ive only done it twice before. i want to please him but im worried as i will be rubbish as ive only done it twice, plus i dont really like it. what should i do? i feel guilty as he gives me oral (although to be honest it wouldnt bother me if he didnt, not that hes bad - hes really good - im just not fussed about it) but i dont give him it. how can i overcome my fear? should i wait till hes drunk and then it wont matter if im bad at it? i get really nervous every time i think hes expecting me to go down on him
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female
reader, tinkerbell01 +, writes (2 September 2007):
 i have been in your situation for other reasons which i wont go into i too did not like giving my partnet oral pleasure, i told him and he taught me how to do it as he likes it, try asking him it my work. i now after lots of patience from my partner and practise have mastered it. and i actually enjoy doing now to.
good luck xx
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Hey guys, can we get back to giving advice to the OP? The lengthy discussion should probably go private.
Ms. Anon, it's possible that if you don't blow your guy he may go elsewhere. There are people like that. But that's not the way to play it in this instance. Your body your rules. Period. If he doesn't like it and he does go elsewhere (which in this particular case I think is unlikely) then let him go and good riddance.
Either way, do only what you're comfortable doing. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Thanks for your all of your sage words Frank. I respect your far greater experience in this area of sexual dysfunction. You win!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Hi Duce00 et al,
Perhaps some info...In any couple and with any gender, when one partner is not getting the sexual attention they crave over a long period, it is more than likely that, assuming the sexual attention is important enough to the person, the person will seek it elsewhere.
Do I know people that have sought out the one sexual act in others that their partners would not do...YES. People who are bi (both men and women), but their partners can not handle it, do it. People into BDSM or have sexual fetishes that their partners are not into, go elsewhere for it. For heck sake, do you read the posts on this board alone, about couples cheating on each other becuase they are not satisfied at home?
When someone strays for the one sexual act...does it only stop there? No. Usually, it starts with the person getting what they are not getting at home, and then excalates to more sexual acts.
I have been the other man in my younger days. A sure fire way to get an affair started is to find out what a partner is not doing, and offer to be the "one that does not count" in order for that person to get it. It does not take much. Does everyone cheat like that? No. Do most people have the capacity to do it under the right circumstances? I think Yes.
Duce, perhaps you really haven't heard of anyone doing it, but my guess is also that you have never really been the other person offering what she could not get elsewhere. Also, do you present yourself as the type of person that would be accepting of hearing other people's unpleanst truth? If you come across as this judgemental, maybe others would not feel comfortable telling you.
In my conculting business, there is very little I haven't heard in terms of what people really do behind closed doors. From both men AND women. It is not a gender thing.
I gave other advice in my post here. You picked on this. Is it possible that this one item has struck a personal cord with you?
Better to know the truth than to comfort yourself in the illusions of what you "want to be true".
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (31 August 2007):
Sorry folks but I have to say it again. The re-occuring theme about this girls guy looking else where because he is not getting blow jobs from his lady is really off. Again...one responder made a comment and it perpetuated through following responses although there was absolutely no indication of that being a factor in the questioners post. I got no hint of there being any problem other than she felt bad about not giving oral back. Im bringing this up because I feel that she could benifit more from comforting advice on this subject and not issues that dont really appear to relate to anybody other than Frank.
I mean lets be realistic here folks. Has anybody heard of somebody cheating on a person they love simply over oral sex? I have never heard of this happening to anybody. If somebody cheats its because of far bigger factors than blow jobs. Maybe Frank can adress this issue further in another post, but I doubt if many of us will relate to somthing that shallow.
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack... +, writes (31 August 2007):
hey im the same.
if i were you, do it as pasrt of foreplay, instead of on its own. that way, he will enjoy it but you dont have the pressure of trying to make him orgasm.
also research it on the internet if you wanna that might help.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (31 August 2007):
I went back down and re-read what Frank said. The bulk of his advice was right on, and the part about going elsewhere wasn't the main part.
He said:
"the only way to get good at something is to practice. ... Part of the fun is sex is learning, and being ENTHUSIASTIC. Enthusiasm beats skill."
This is ABSOLUTELY TRUE, for anything in sex.
And Frank also said that if giving oral bothers you, "then do not do it."
ABSOLUTELY GREAT advice.
Please don't let your concern inspired by his last line (which is also, unfortunately, true) change what you're willing to do. If the guy decides to go elsewhere then good riddance to bad baggage.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Er it would be a very shallow immature guy that would go somewhere else just to get oral. I mean really! If he loves you, that simply wouldnt be an option and he couldnt do it! If that does happen you can be thankful you had a lucky escape before you actually ended up marrying this guy or something!!
But honestly, take it slow. If you're not ready yet, dont do it.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (31 August 2007):
If your boyfriend can't wait until you feel comfortable enough to do something, especially when you're saying "someday" and not "never," then he's a jerk and you should dump him. Anyone who LOVES YOU will wait until you're ready.
Your body, your rules. Don't ever forget that. If he can't handle that then he's less of a man than you're looking for and not worth your time. If all the guy wants is a blow job then his priorities are off and you should let him leave to find what he wants (and good riddance).
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (31 August 2007):
Sounds like a good idea Fem Anon. I wouldnt nescessarily stress on your BF going trolliping around looking for oral though. Your concern is based on one persons advice and maybe its good to look at that persons bio and see is they match the personality of your BF. If your boyfriend considers himself a "seduction guru" then Id have some concern. If not then your porbably just fine. RELAX !!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok thanks everyone. i think that im going to wait a while and then try it although im a little worried now that hes going to go elsewhere to get it as Frank B Kermit said but i guess im going to have to trust him. thanks again
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A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Quite honestly, my girlfriend's NEVER done it, and i trust her to tell me the truth.She's not the best in the world, but it pleases me alot, because I love her. Not only that, but it's the fact that she's willing to do it for me that pleases me most.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (31 August 2007):
There is two things here:
1-Doing it makes you feel sick
2-You are worried that you are not good.
If it is #2, then consider that the only way to get good at something is to practice. I doubt he is expecting super skills out of you, and if he is, he is stupid. Part of the fun is sex is learning, and being ENTHUSIASTIC. Enthusiam beats skill.
If it is #1, then do not do it. However, depending how important it is to him, if you do not do it, there in a very increased chance he will go elsewhere for it, with or without your knowledge.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 August 2007):
Ok, maybe a guys opinion would help here. I will just speak for myself if you dont mind, and maybe it will be similar to your guy (but maybe it wont).
Please, please, please dont do somthing (especially oral) untill your into it. Thats a big turn off in alot of different ways. First it becomes obvious very quickly shes not having the enjoyment I am and thats just a big downer. Second off, even if you can fake interest you cant fake being good at it. Thats another downer (and it can hurt too :o ).
I can still count the number of women Ive been with on both hands...havnt gotten to the toes yet but Im not trying right now either! Less than half of them were actuly good at oral. All of them liked it and all of them thought they were alot better than they actuly were. I would give them pointers and suggestions but for most of them I just came to consider it part of foreplay, not part of the "main attraction".
In a nut shell your just waisting time that you could be doing more "mutually benificial" things. Wait untill you REALLY want to and then take it slow, pay attention, learn and dont make any assumptions about what you think we like.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 It might be better if you were drunk instead. lol. No seriously, it will help you loosen up and not feel so self-conscious. Oral sex is a total turn on to me, giving and receiving. Just think of it as one big, sexy lollipop and start licking it, then work it into your mouth, swirling your tongue, nice and slow. If you're really freaked out about it, rent a couple of porn movies and see how the pros go about the act. You'll be able to pick up a few good pointers. If it's the smell, or the taste you find nauseating, try slathering on something tasty, like whipped cream, or some of those gooey, edible lubricants. Totally safe and helps you get over the tummy-tumbles. Once you relax and figure out how to develop your own technique, my guess is you'll love it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Dont be presured into anything you will regret it.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (30 August 2007):
helskittn said pretty much what I was going to say, and in the order I would have said it, too [grin]:
(1) your body your rules -- don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to
(2) there is no wrong way to put your mouth on his genitals (except for maybe biting, lol). He knows you've never really done it before, so just getting you there you in the general area will excite him. He's certainly not going to judge you!
(3) you should never have to fall back on drink to feel better about sex, and
(4) talk to him about it!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 August 2007):
Hi
First off never feel guilty about not wanting to do anything in sex. Its your right to say no and i bet your guy wouldn't want you doing anything you wouldn't want to do.
But as for worrying about doing it right. There really is no right or wrong way. Every guy is different and communication is the best thing. In conversation some time, ask him how he likes it. He might say he prefers it a certain way. I wouldn't encourage anyone to drink to be able to do something with sex, but if he has had a few if it makes you feel better, then thats a bonus i guess. Dont go out your way to get him drunk for that purpose though! hehe
Chat to him. You should be able to do that? Talking about sex and what each other likes is a great foreplay before sex even begins in a relationship i think.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Katie-ann +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Hiya,You need to ask yourself; are you worried that you will be bad or is it that you just dont like doing it? Either way i think you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. He will appreciate your honesty and you can work through it together. If you find that you are just worried about it then he can tell you what and how he likes it. Everyone is different and likes different things in sex, you need to do what you feel comfortable with and not just cos you feel guilty!Hope this helps, take care.Xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): hi,what can i say only that you`ve got 2 choices either carry on as you are or tell him the truth,truth is the best option that way you can take your time and experiment together ,you may also realise that its most pleasurable giving and receiving oral with the right man trust me
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