A
female
age
51-59,
*ottoncandy
writes:I have been married to the same man for almost 23 years. I divorced him once because he cheated on me...then we remarried.For the past ten years,he has cheated on me. Last year I found out he was involved in a four year affair. He swore he love me...but I contacted her. He loved her as well. We worked through many things..but I don't trust him. In the meantime, I have been starving for love and sex. My husband only rejected me for years. I reached out and had an affair. It only lasted a short while. I loved every minute of it because he liked me and the sex was out of this world...so much more gratifying than with my own husband. I have talked with my husband about our sex life and how lonely I feel. I don't get a response. I am not having an affair now, but am very lonely and feel very guilty about what I did do...however, if the right man comes along, I might just have another affair. HELP! Do I tell my husband this. Would he care...he is a serial cheater...why do I stay with him?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 good question: WHY do you stay with him?? coz it sounds like this marriage is completely loveless - from his side at least. are you sticking with him for financial reasons or you are afraid to be alone? (it sounds like you are pretty much alone already!)
you have given this marriage a good shot, 23 years with his serial adultery and you only having one affair so i think you are perfectly entitled to tell him that if he does not give you what you need (emotionally more than anything!) then you will be looking else where.
you get ONE life. make it a happy one if you can and stop wasting time with each other. either sort out your problems or move on. if he has behaved this way for 23 years i doubt whether he is likely to behave any different now
A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (8 May 2011):
 I'm kind of confused about what your question is... If you're simply asking: Should you leave him? Then, yes. I don't know why you are even hesitating. If your question is: Should you have an affair? The answer is no. What would be the point in that? You're in a loveless, passionless, abusive marriage (I say abusive because of the cheating), so WHY in the world are you even considering staying with this man? You're not happy, so what's the point in even TRYING to make this marriage work? He cheated on you once, and you divorced him. What were your hopes in re-marrying him? And more to the point, what is your hesitation NOW with divorcing him? You're obviously still desirable to men, so why not leave your husband and pursue a HEALTHY and FULFILLING relationship? You're obviously not gaining anything by staying with your husband, and it's hurting you more than anything. I'm hoping you take the advice on here to heart, because your marriage sounds like it's at a dead-end and like it's not going to get any better. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 May 2011):
 you have loved this man a long time. And put up with his serial cheating. Yet still you feel lonely.
Your husband is not giving you everything you need. And your love is not enough to encourage your husband to lift his couple.
I have two things that would be utter 'deal breakers' for me. One is domestic violence and another is any
cheating. Both destroy trust.
Trust is an essential component of really genuine love.
I have no doubt that you DO love your husband. But if you still feel lonely and he still indulges in serial cheating (or might again in the future) then he is not the man for you.
Ending a relationship is a very big step. Have you already had extensive marriage counselling? If yes, and he still cheats, and you still feel lonely then it might be better if you divorced first. And then established a loving faithful, permanent relationship, with another more reliable man who will give you 100 percent of his love and attention.
And to shore up your feelings more I suggest you also join some groups where the people share your interests. So if you love plants join a group such as a rose society. If you love outdoor walking then join a walkers group.
If you love animals join a zoological society. Interacting with other like minded people will get you mingling with others who share your passions and you may make new friends.
This will not only be good for you, it will demonstrate to a potential suitor that you have a life of your own. This will also make you more attractive to a potential suitor.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (8 May 2011):
if you fond the right man dont have an affair with himget married to him instead and leave your deceiving husbandyou sound like a very kind and good lady and having another affair well only get you more hurt even of the sex was greatGood Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): You remarried this creep..why?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Staying in the dead marriage and having affairs for your gratification is never a good option. How long will all this continue for? There's nothing left here; walk out, lead your own life, stop expecting anything decent out of him.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 You don't even know why you stay with him. There's nothing left for you here. Don't you want to be single when the right man comes along? You don't have to be just like your husband, you don't have to cheat on him because he cheated on you, just leave him before you start acting on vengeance.I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, cupcakefrosting28 +, writes (8 May 2011):
 I would tell him. To me it's kind of like a giant middle finger to him. Obviously you are still desired by other men so your husband should be worried that someone might steal you away. I personally would never go back to my bf if he ever cheated on me. You definitely deserve better. Make sure you tell yourself that. Don't let him get away with cheating because he will just keep doing it. If he isn't being compassionate about your love life and how you feel about your relationship in general then I say kick him to the curb. Find a gentleman who will take care of you and find someone you can trust. I hope you find happiness -hugs-
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A
male
reader, Steve_S +, writes (8 May 2011):
 You know the answer really - you are seeking confirmation from others.
Leave your husband and move on - in that order. No need to tell him then, but if he asks dont lie.
Good luck!
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