A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I Love my man so much, but he lies to me and keeps secrets. I now this as I'll confront him and he'll admit it... Why not just be honest with me in the first place?We went out last night and I knew he had business whilst we were out, he said he'd be ten minutes and left me alone for over half an hour. I sat by myself! When I tried to find him I wasn't allowed in the room by a security guard, so I rang him and he came out, claiming he was just on his way out... liar!It wasn't any kind of board meeting but a social gathering!I've asked him what or who was so important behind that door and he will not say? He just says that he had an invite and I didn't.. surely if I'm with him the invite should extend to me too?I pressed him on the matter this evening and it ended in a massive row with him saying I don't care about him?? I do.. He told me to go home.. Leave the keys.. I did. Now I'm not sure whats going on?Is it over? Should it be over?I totally screwed up over him, I don't know where I stand anymore.Advice PLEASE x
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 I cannot say for sure why he hides things from you and lies to you. But there is something he does not feel able to be truthful to you.
I doubt it was a 'business meeting' because it does not ring true. A business meeting of ten minutes? If it was such a fleeting meeting then why did it need a security guard? And if it was a social gathering? Social gathering with just one security guard? Then it's not a meeting with important Heads of State as there would be more than one guard. Instead the security guard was more like a single 'gate' to prevent unauthorised entry. From what you said it does sound more like a social gathering.
And the bit about being invited?
It has all the hallmarks of a meeting of well known gamblers where lesser gamblers are not invited.
Was the venue a place where gambling also takes place? And a venue that might have a separate area for those willing to wager much bigger amounts of money than those who play for lesser stake money.
The reason I ask is the 'Security guard' outside. And unexplained lies? Secrets? Hides things from you? Classic pointers to the fact that your man may have gambling issues, bigger than you realise. And he may have intended to only gamble for ten minutes. But problem gamblers find it hard to stop. A long time ago I worked with a gambler. Each time he sold his home he had to buy a smaller one. Yet he was earning a really substantial salary. And although he is retired I have heard that he now rents. He's been divorced, remarried, and gone through much of his second wife's money. It is an ignoble end for a man who still cannot stop gambling .
See how willing your man is willing to reveal his true financial status, how much he really owes and who he owes money to? Gamblers like to make out they are worth more than is true. They never talk about their losses. And exaggerate their wins. Some of them even embezzle to provide themselves with more stake money.
If he is a gambler then stop listening to his lies and cut him out of your life. A gambler can only promise you more lies and deception in the future. They even lie to themselves about how bad their gambling problem is.
A
female
reader, Brightstars +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Does he blame you for asking why he lies?. . Does he switch this whole thing around on you?. It's like in some relationships, if we try to get mad at them, they turn it around on us like were the ones lying,or keeping them out business invites. And when they get mad at us, they wont let us turn it around they dont care. Like look if the tables were turned and you had the business invitation and you were suspicious for lying, and he came to you ask questions, like what would he think,he'd be pissed too,and say something about it to you, what if you told him to hit the road and get back the keys. look i know ...If you love him... i mean really truly care about him,and have super huge feelings for this guy, then wait...wait a while before you jump the gun.....maybe he'll call you before you.....wait! wait for just a lil while, because if you don't and you call him back faster than a jack rabbit, he'll think he can do this all the time, get on to you,when your mad.. so wait! wait! don't let him think this. Remember this saying...." People Will Treat You The Way You Let Them." Hope this helps. take care!
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A
male
reader, Steve_S +, writes (8 May 2011):
 If you knew it was business why go? Business and pleasure rarely mix...Its a little to me like blaming you for his own actions as with most guilt - blame the other party!I think it's an almost over situation - let the dust settle and discuss it to death. But a liar is a liar, unless this tops there is ultimately no future.
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