A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together since I was 14. I'm now 21. Please don't judge and call me a horrible person. I know the mistakes I've made. I've been paying for them everyday. Anyway, back to the problem. When I was 17 I told my husband I wanted to take a break. I was doing what my daddy asked of me and what I thought was best for us. Right before we broke up I cheated on him with a guy. We just kissed, but it was still outright cheating. I felt horrible afterwards and promised my self I would tell him when we were old (I was sure I was we'd end up together ha). Well we took a break I dated a different guy on and off. My husband and I (then boyfriend) got back together when we found out I was pregnant. We didn't just do it because I was pregnant, but I missed him also. So now we have a beautiful little two year old boy. I recently, about 6 months ago, had an emotional affair with my husband and I best friend. Thinks were rough between us and there's actually another post I wrote in June asking what I should do, but anyway I did. I counted on this guy alot. I don't know why because I would have dated him if I wasn't with my husband. I hate to admit this and please don't judge me because I've regretted it every night when I have to look at my husband. Not to long ago I asked a question about whether or not I should tell my husband. I felt horribly guilty and I still do. I got many different responses"Don't tell him because you're giving him your burden as long as your sure it doesn't happen again""Tell him because you would want to know" I went with the telling him because I didn't want to make him look like an idiot and knowing my husband as well as I do I know he would want to know. I told him about what's happened when we were in highschool and what happened six months ago. I knew he wouldn't leave me because he loves me unconditionally. He really does. I'm not just going to say he's a wonderful man because I'm feeling guilty. He really is. I've never met someone so perfect for me. He's loved me through every single thing I've ever done wrong. The problem is it's hurting him SO bad. I can tell. He doesn't want to tell me because he knows the guilt is killing me also, but I can tell it hurts him. It kills me that I've been so stupid and completley ignorant. I love him so much. I don't know why I did the things I did. I honestly do not know. I feel horrible though. I knew that when I told him the guilt of him not knowing would be over but the guilt of hurting him was going to start up. Which it has. I don't know what to do. Every time I see his mind start wondering and thinking I'll stop and hug him and tell him I'm sorry. I know that's not enough, but I don't know what else to do. My husband will forgive me. I know he'll move past it. That's just the kind of man he is. I'm greatful God gave him to me, but I don't think it's right on my husband's part to end up with such a thoughtless person that he loves so much. It breaks my heart to see what I've done to him. I know he's going to get over this before I do because that's how he is. So my question is what do I do to get over the guilt of hurting him? I can't wait on time. It hurts me so bad at night. It's like a paralysing feeling. When we're at our happiest moments in the day the thought's of what I've done will pop in my head. It ruins the whole mood for me but I don't let my husband see because I don't want to remind him. I know it sounds selfish asking what I can do to help me, but I know I'm helping my husband and I know he'll move on and the pain will fade for him. I tend to linger and think about things longer. I suffer longer basically. I know this sounds crazy but I think I'm suffering worse than him. I think about what I've done and I have guilt from that. Then I think about how I've hurt him and that hurts worse than anything! I just dont know what to do. It's hard to think about anything else. I'm scared I'm not giving my all to my son and my husband because I'm basically depressed about what I've done. I don't want to hurt my husbadn ever again. I want to be a good wife for him. I love my little family so much. So what can I do?
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male
reader, sf69 +, writes (3 January 2010):
All you can do with guilt is promise yourself you will never do it again. You said when your husbands mind drifts back to the bad time you give him a hug and apolagize. Being a husband who was cheated on I can say that would mean the world to me. God bless you for your efforts, Keep doing what you are doing and things will get better. Ive been cheated on many times ...and thought about it many hours each day for 20+ years...A few jestures from time to time like you do would do more good than dozens of counseling sessions. Good luck and god bless SF69
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 January 2010):
 I think you cheated on your husband because you've been with the same man since you were 14 and now you are a woman and you were curious. Sometimes when people marry this young, they're left wondering what they missed out on. Especially if you have single friends always talking about their week-ends of partying and hooking up with different men, even the most happily married woman may be left wondering if she's missing out on some fun and exciting chapter of her life. Also I think we tend to take for granted the ones who love us the most. Many women have made this same stupid mistake and lived with the remorse that follows. If you truly love this man then you have got to move past the immediate pain. Stop saying your sorry, it only keeps the incident fresh in both your minds. Carry on like nothing happened and eventually you can both put it behind you. I hope you learned from this mistake before it wrecked your life.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 January 2010):
With guilt, you have to ask yourself why you did something in the first place before you can really move on. Yes, you did cheat, and yes you had an emotional affair, but the question is why did you do it in the first place? Find out that answer and you'll be able to start to move on. Was the relationship bad, and if so why? Was he treating you well? If not, why? Ask yourself those kind of questions and find the answers, then you can move on. I think also you could do with some counselling, and maybe suggest you go with your husband. Talk to him and tell him you feel guilty and that you need to be able to get all the guilt out with someone so you can both move on. The worst thing to do is to say nothing to each other, because slowly you'll pull away again. Talk to each other, spend time with each other and really understand why it was you did what you did in the first place. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (2 January 2010):
 Well i would say you have to made a desicion, You have to make a choices between the dark and the bright side.If you wanna stay on the guilt feeling because of what happen BEFORE" hopefully it will not happen anymore" well you can stay there and suffer to the situation all the time and this affect also not only you but also your family. Or you wanna get out on that feeling guilty" then better forget it and move on now to the reality and face the future together with your family, You cant move on easily and you will not be help to your husband if you keep thinking what happen from the past which you can not change anymore. anyway goodluck and have a happy new year.
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (2 January 2010):
"Same oh Song and dance from you." You know it's really hard to hear what you have to say, (as far as apologizing) Only UNTIL another guy comes along and you do it again.(Cheat)If you really loooved your husband like you say you do, You'll get off from here speaking to us about it and speak to him on the issue.
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