A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello:I have a boyfriend of 7 years but half-way through the relationship I started to talk to my ex again and feelings started to come back. The ex and I dated for about 5 months (7 years ago) before we broke up. For the past few years, I've been talking to my ex and having this long term relationship at the same time. I wanted to break up with boyfriend because I was feeling really strong for the ex and wanted to give it a second chance. When I called to break up with boyfriend, we had a very long conversation and haven't broken up because the conversation led to new understanding to our relationship. We didn't talk about the ex, we talked about our situation and how things aren't going as planned for us and that we're growing apart. I'm still interested in the ex but it's quite difficult to let go of the boyfriend at the moment. Usually I'm very proactive and would talk to the ex with ease but now it's difficult because it doesn't feel like the relationship with boyfriend has come to an ending. Instead of ending the relationship with boyfriend, I started to realize I never knew the true meaning of love with boyfriend. Now I'm starting to realize what it means to love because of the long conversation with boyfriend and what we've been through. It feels as though I'm losing feelings for boyfriend but maybe because I haven't given our relationship 100% which is making me very passive about going into a relationship with the ex. Right now, I'm not proactively communicating with either one because I'm confused.Should I go with the flow and let time do the telling and not be proactive with either one or continue to communicate normally?Should I just break it off with boyfriend even though I feel that we might be better if I put in 100% like I should have done throughout the relationship?Should I not continue talking to ex even though I feel strongly for him?
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 January 2010):
If you're quite the opposite, then take charge and cut the strings if you don't want them attached anymore...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter the long conversation with the boyfriend, we haven't talked for almost 3 weeks now. He didn't call Christmas or New Years. Neither one of us have called the other. It seems as though he's buying time so that during this time he's trying to get his life together because he's stressed out that our relationship hasn't gotten to where he wants it to be (marriage and etc.). So it seems like the more time we don't talk, the more time he has to turn things around because when we talked he was stressing out about his situations and didn't want me to be worried and etc. We didn't officially break up but I'm not the most patient person in the world so I was wondering if I should call him or is "patience is a virtue"?
The ex called Christmas/New Years but we haven't discussed anything in regard to our relationship. When he asked if I was single, I did say that I was because I've mentioned that I have strong feelings for him. For the past years that he's been trying to be with me, I have been in the long-term relationship and he would be very frustrated because he said we belong together. It's blurry whether we're friends or more than that. We've talked on and off but less than we used to. Should I just be proactive or once again, let time do the telling?
Originally, I felt torn between them but now I feel stuck. Should I talk to the boyfriend and get the facts straight? Should I talk to the ex and get the facts straight as well?
OR, should I just whatever both of them and time will do the telling? I just don't like this strings attached feeling and it seems like I'm attached to both of these guys by this invisible string if the facts aren't straight but I don't want to be the one that's wearing the pants, again, in the relationships. They're both very passive and chilled typed of guys and obviously I'm quite the opposite.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 January 2010):
Listen, you're thinking of dumping a guy that you've been with for 7 years for a guy that you dated for 5 months. Honestly, 5 months is nothing--that's hardly even a serious relationship. If you two couldn't make it longer than 5-months, what makes you think it will work this time around?
Perhaps your current boyfriend isn't right for you, but you also may need to consider that your ex isn't the right guy for you either. So you can choose one and probably not be satisfied with either or you can choose neither and live your life like you should. It really is okay to be alone and it is possible to be happy and not have a boyfriend. The oldest you are is 25...sometimes you need to explore other options besides what happens to be convenient at the moment.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 January 2010):
There were no problems until you got talking to your ex. Then he made you see there were problems with your current relationship. Then you started to sort the relationship out, which is great. Relationships take effort, lots of it. My suggestion is that you cut it with the ex entirely and focus on your relationship. Remember, your ex is your ex because it didn't work out before. With your boyfriend it's still working out. Many people have made the mistake of going back to ex's, only to find there has been no change and it still doesn't work out. What happens if that happens to you? Then you won't have your ex or your boyfriend.
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