A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:sometimes i am afraid to go out, because i'm afraid people are going to make fun of me, laugh at me, and call me names such as ugly, EW, and etc.There was this one situation during summer I was at a store a random women told her friend that I am ugly, and they both laughed. I have been bullied since elementary school, making fun of , laughing at me a lot, and being teased. I don't know why people are so cruel these days. Sometimes i'm afraid to get out of the car and people will laugh at me, and I just want to stay in the car till my parents come back. Occasionally, I am sometimes afraid to walk to my classes, and i'm afraid that the students are going to laugh at me and ridicule me. This happened several times. What can I do? Help me please.
View related questions:
bullied Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Hey I understand exactly how you feel...I've been called names my entire life...the worst thing is that it still happens. I know people will say to be confident, stand tall and to present yourself in the best way possible...and that's true...the only problem is what if you already do that and it just keeps happening. For me, its my face, I just don't have a good bone structure and everything looks wrong, I guess I just look odd...even I see it in my pictures. The best thing I can say is to get plastic surgery (only if you think you really need it though)...nothing drastic, just make a few changes...that's what I plan on doing. But I do know how you feel, you get down and depressed, you don't want to go out, you look in the mirror and and just think why me, and when you do go out its constant laughing and name calling. I hope things do get better for you though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): I have a fear of going out to places too. I'm usually the butt of alot of people's jokes. But I realize I have to live my life and just keep going. Giving
up a staying in the house 24/7 is no way to live. I don't wish this feeling on anybody, but I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for this website and thanks for letting me express myself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank you for your help and advice. It really means a lot to me! Thank You!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Oh man that is really horrible. My heart is with you as I've been through the same thing so many times. However there is one simple cure for it all, thats if your a guy, if your a girl I don't know. People used to do the same thing to me through out secondary school, college, even on the train people used to just look at me and laugh. I was depressed for three good years, my grades went low, I was moody all the time. Then I thought to look at myself how others see me. Because I was so self concious I walked funny, I made weird facial expressions when nervous, I had my head down, my posture was bad, I was spotty, I didnt take care of my appearance and I realised no wonder people laughed at me. I started taking up martial arts then so if somebody did laugh at me I could knock them out. When I started martial arts I realised I was quite good at it, and quickly became one of the best in the class. before I realised it my confidence was up, I was walking with good posture, my head was high. My confidence stemmed from the fact I knew I was tough. From being a complete loser I became a very socially dominant individual, girls started noticing me becuase of my martial arts body and my confidence, my grades went up and life has been amazing since. Now that I think about it I'm glad I went through that period, I wouldn't be half the man I am today. Most of all I have to thank God, though, because when people laughed at me and I was at my lowest point I said to myself :"by God, one day they'll all respect me". And I dont beleive it has actually happened after I left college and went to uni. Sorry to give my life story, but my advice is you need to get your confidence up, if you feel ugly, you will look ugly beleive me, most of the battle will be psychological. The weird thing was the people who laughed and made fun the most were other ugly people who were self concious about something or the other and if they are goodlooking they have some other issue. People who are completely secure about themselves do not laugh. Anyway you have to start some sort of activity, become good at it and when people start respecting you be able to look in the mirror and say "I know who I am, and I love being me!"
...............................
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Honey, don't let anyone tell you you're ugly. Their words only influence you if you really believe that you are ugly. Who cares what they think? Are they going to be there for the rest of your life? No. Do they have the power to chop off your head? NO! They DON'T MATTER! You can't let anyone make you afraid to live life. There is NO UGLY. There is only different. People are scared of what is different and always will be. It's human nature. It might change, it might not, but if you let their words hurt you and rule you, then you have become nothing. Believe in yourself. You are a unique and wonderful person. Delight in being different.
Be strong.
...............................
A
female
reader, violentviolet  +, writes (19 January 2008):
 I'm sure you're nowhere near as unattractive as you feel. If you're young, healthy and happy then you can't help but be beautiful in your own way. Beauty is definitely relative.
But you don't sound very happy. And I think that's something only you can solve. It's a choice you have to make. You can let theses bullies get you down and make you miserable, or you can choose to make your self happy and not rely on other people. Focus on the people who make you feel good about yourself and listen to what they have to say about you, not what random women in stores tell you. Get strength from the worthwhile people in your life.
And remember, just because people tell you your ugly doesn't mean you are. Victoria Beckham was bullied as a child, and look how gorgeous she is.
It's not always going to be like this. In a year or 2 you can go off to university, or move out and get a job, and you can start afresh and be anyone you want to be.
This might help with the self esteem issues.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-hate-feeling-like-the-fat-ugly-one.html
All the best honey, hang in there
We all feel like this sometimes
xxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, shadowcat +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Hmmm.....
Reading your post brings back a few memories: when I was younger I was also the target of some really nasty people and even nastier remarks: people thought I was crazy because half of the time I would be muttering things to myself as I wandered around the halls with my nose in a book. The other half of the time I was dirty, very dirty: I used to come out of drawing class covered head to toe in paint, charcoal, and ink (I bore a striking resemblence to Pig Pen from Peanuts.) Believe me, it made for good fodder for the popular, cheerleader crowd, which I was clearly not part of...and it hurt.
Well, I am 25 years old now. I am a successful computer graphics artist in New York City; I am completing a degree at one of the top ranked art schools in the nation, and I can read and speak two languages. My life is completely different from when I was a teenager... and so will be yours.
So, how did I get here? -I was a little younger than you, but my parents noticed how unhappy I was and took me to see someone. The therapist actually pointed me in the right direction. She prescribed me a little medicine (you sound like you may have some social anxiety issues; I had them too) and taught me to accept myself for who I was, fight back only when I had to (NOT when I wanted to) and getting me focused on my interests so I could meet other folks whose interests were similar. (It is easy for a bully to pick on somebody who is alone...not so easy when he's got pals.) It was hard, but I did it.
During that time I also learned that people are evil little @#$# because they can be, especially when something is different, and though you can't change their minds you can change yourself. (When I was about 17 there was a song by Garbage called "When I Grow Up." I listened to it constantly. When I grow up I'll be stable/when I grow up I'll turn the tables.... it reminded me one day I could have my revenge and high school isn't forever.) Without getting into specifics about how you look the best piece of advice is to polish yourself up a little, go out shopping, or (as I did) tidy yourself up a little. If you have weight issues, get out and do something physical you like. (Martial arts are a good choice: no bully is stupid enough to touch someone with a great roundhouse kick, plus, you get to imagine the bully's face is the punching bag ;) Above all, tell your parents what is going down at school, and consider seeing a therapist about your fear. (And if one day you feel you can truly no longer take it, as a last resort, march right on home. Your parents will get the message loud and clear, the bully will have to find new victims for the day, and the school will have to explain to your parents why you walked out (and why hasn't the bullying stopped by extension.)
...............................
A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (19 January 2008):
 People can be so horrible. But your just going to have to rise above it, try and be more confident and be happy in yourself, cause guess what? your stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. Just remember not everyone laughing at you, people are mostly only thinking about themselves then worrying what you look like!
...............................
A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (19 January 2008):
Worried about looks, after seeing school friends 5 years after leaving school, many looked a lot more attractive, and for me personally, i was happier with the way i looked. Any way, your probably getting looks from guys.
As for the ridicule, there was no solution to it for me, i just grew a thick skin and just put up with it, its not how people should live but i just stopped caring. The opinions of the ridiculers werent important to me. COnstantly fearing being ridiculed is worse than the occasional ridicule, i say you grab the bull by the horns, the feeling will die down as it does with all things (good and bad). Also everytime you move to the next phase of life (college, work, university) you meet better people as they are more like you than school people (where everone is random). After school finished, those people i worried about went away and i was around more intelligent people who didnt ridicule. Then moving to university it got even better. Also when you start working, people will start to grow up as .
Main piece of advice, wait and face (the fear)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): im so sorry that these ppl hurt your feelings, its an immature way to make ppl feel better about themselves. next time someone says something about you, do wat birdy says, look them up and down and laugh slightly at them, as if you have better things to be doing then wasting your time with them. if they call you ugly or anything like that again, tell them to get over themselves and try doing something productive with their time rather than using the few brain cells they have left to slag someone who couldnt care less wat they have to say.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 January 2008):
 I am so sorry that these morons hurt your feelings. Be thankful that you have those feelings, the idiots that called you names obviously don't have any feelings at all. Do you ever put other people down in order to make yourself feel better? Do you ridicule other people just for sport? I'm guessing that you have never done this yourself, probably because you are a much better person inside than they will ever be.
You are a sweet young girl, I'm guessing that you are still growing and changing. I was often called names growing up. Now that I am, I actually turned out fairly attractive, married and had two very good-looking children. Perhaps those people who pick on you are jealous or threatened by you in some way, maybe they can sense that you are unique and special. If I were you, I'd use an Ipod to walk to class and throw myself into my work. You will have the best revenge by outshining them eventually, in your achievements! They'll be working at a Quickie-Mart and You'll be President of your own Company! Hold your head high and rise above! If you get fed up and want to return a remark to a comment directed at you, you can say something in return - "What a horrible person you are!", "Let's hope that you never raise children of your own!" and "Get over yourself!" (but you have to look a person UP and DOWN for that one, and snort out a laugh afterwards).
Let your Mom know what's going on with you as well, I'm sure she remembers growing up and would want to know so that she can help you through this. Keep you chin up, and don't let a few stupid people get the better of you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Debussy +, writes (19 January 2008):
 First thing you need to know right now is that bullies are looers. OK? Bullies have no relationships, no friends and people close to them regret spending too much time with them. They are the ones with problems. You are cool. But you're worried.
What you could do is tell a freind or relative who you trust A problem aired is a problem halved. Also, be sure you're not alone. If that isn't possible, make an appointment to see your doctor. You may think this is strange, because you're not ill, but because you are a little nervous around people, they pick up on it and then harrass you. You doctor may be able to give you some advice on this or refer you to a professional who can help. There is nothing wrong or unusual in seeking this assistance. Sooner or later you can stop worrying about those childish kids anyways. By the time you're twnty you'll find the world is a much bigger place, and that people who judge others on superficialities are less important, and are much less influential. You may well turn out to be the most important and special person in someone else's world one day. My partner was bullied at school and she's amazing now and I'd die for her, she has such a lovely personality and such a strong character. Try to take it easy, and have a little faith in yourself over those morons xxx
...............................
|
