A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 years old and i am still a virgin. I am ready to finally have sex but i find it very daunting and being that intimate with someone is rather scary. I have someone i would like to be my first but i keep avoiding it because of this.How can i get past this as i dont want to lose this person but he knows how i feel he isnt one of those guys who only want sex.Please help :)
View related questions:
still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (17 March 2011):
You say you have someone in mind. How intimate have you been with them?
There are lots of steps that you can take leading up to having intercorse, which are also highly intimate and which can help you feel more comfortable with actually having sex. You can take some of those steps with them and see how it goes, increase the level of intimacy and connection between the two of you.
Also, if you are close enough with them, it can help to tell the person you like that you want to have sex but are nervous about it. Telling them might seem awkward but can make you feel less nervous about it, and it is just you being honest. It can be difficult to say, but it can also be helpful.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, aAoa  +, writes (17 March 2011):
guys can commit to a girl just to have sex- its a known fact.. please do not push yourself.. if he leaves you or something happens after you've had sex.. it will be crushing.. so don't do it until you know its the right time.. i hope he did not ask for it because i think you're pressuring yourself to do it.. your age has nothing to do with sex.. people in the old ages used to have sex when 13-15 year olds.. which i think a person now would say is barbaric.. so don't care what others say.. think.. just listen to your instinct/intuition.. think about this guy whom you are sharing something important with.. will he hurt you.. is he worth it.. and if your heart says go.. then go.. if you feel scared.. stop
...............................
A
male
reader, elkabong  +, writes (17 March 2011):
Take it slow and easy. First do only touching, touch each other, more and more intimately each session. Assume this will take a month or two. Once you get used to touching each other, then he can stimulate you with his penis. After doing this for sometime, if your comfortable have sex. If not, don't.
...............................
A
female
reader, Justtryingtohelp +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Even after the first time this still happens to a lot of us.
If he knows this is how you feel and is still there, I think he is willing to wait until you feel comfortable about it.
If he does leave, then maybe it's for the best that you didn't lose it to him.
It is scary but sometimes when you're with a person it just sort of happens. You could very well be frightened when you're with this person and it's about to happen, but I think you'll be okay and carry on with it if the moment feels right.
If not you can of course say you're not ready to him.
Good luck xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): everyones answers seem to be too psycho analytical, that's not what you need. the more you think about it.. the more daunting it will be. you need to be comfortable with your body, and normally sex makes u more comfortable with your body. virginity is not that much of a big deal it's not life defying aslong as you share it with osmeone kinda and caring u'll be grand. XX
...............................
A
female
reader, Amdz +, writes (16 March 2011):
 My personal preference would be to focus more on developing a relationship with someone, where it feels natural to want intimacy with that person and it feels natural to "desire" them, rather than be so focused on wanting to have sex for the first time and being anxious about it. Give the person some time and develop the relationship in other ways...and you will intuitively know when and how to address with him that you want him to be your first. Don't rush into it. There is no need! You will have sex and there isn't a need to race to get there. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (16 March 2011):
To be honest you're sounding as though you're not actually ready. In one sentence you write 'I am ready to finally have sex' and then soon after put 'but i keep avoiding it'.
A certain amount of nervousness is normal, but having to write into an agony aunts site for help suggests that it's a bit more than that.
If he really isn't one of those guys who just wants sex then he'll wait. If he is and leaves you because you won't sleep with him, then it's better you find out now rather than later.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Do you *want* to have sex with him, or are you scared of losing him if you don't?
If you want to have sex, then it's all a matter of being comfortable with your body, with his, and with him as a person. Sex is risky, and it's important that the guy you choose to be your first isn't someone who takes it flippantly. He uses protection and doesn't rush things.
Your first time sex might not be the best picnic for you, but it gets better and better if you're with the right person.
However, if you have any reservations about having sex in general, or having sex with him, there IS no hurry. Take your age clean out of the equation.
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Coming from someone on the other side of that fence, I would definitely say wait until you're not as worried. I pressured myself into it for the exact same reasons you listed (he's not that kind of guy, I'm too old to be a virgin, etc.) and I regret, regret, regret it. If I had waited til I was really ready, I wouldn't be regretting that mistake.
You know you're not comfortable with it yet because you stated that you find it "daunting" and that kind of intamacy a bit "scary". So wait a little. If he's not "that kind of guy" he'll wait. If he won't wait for you, he isn't worth it, and you'll regret it in the future.
...............................
|
