A
female
age
30-35,
*ustwannabehappy
writes:Okay so I'm a 16 year old girl and I like(d) a guy in my class, we really started talking a lot more this year and I know that he liked me a couple of years ago. So There were signs that he liked me too, like , he wrote to me and he never had before, he took his arm around me or touched me on my back and always talked to me. He looked at me and when I looked at him, he loooked away very quickly. Also this one time we were going on a group date and I asked him if he was comming and he said maybe, then I said I want you to come and he said then I just might be there! We also had fun times together at school, and sometimes we fought a little playfully, he was always complimenting my clothes and touching it or teasing me nicely and poking me a little bit. But then at a party last week at my house, we were flirting or at least I was and people were dancing and stuff so we started hugging and I asked him do you want me? and he responded uuh I have to go help someone and then I said hmm okay and was kinda mad but then he came to me and said oooh shes mad :( in a sweet way. This repeated it self. and finally I dragged him in my room and sat on him and we were holdng hands and when I asked him there he said I don't know or you decide and we kissed and then we were just laying down together and talking. Now on monday my friendsboy friend who is his best friend and a good friend of mine, asked him what he thought of what had happened and he had said that he had refused me all night and didn't even want me? First of all he could have said no so I really don't get and at the time he didn't know that I liked him so he can't say he refused me because normal guys don't just turn down hot girls who want to make out at a party? Is it possible that he is lying, or maybe he's gay? I'm so confused and it seems kinda like he's avoiding me or something. He's the type of guy who's kinda "hard" but not really and he's shy and has NOT been with a lot of girls...
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best friend, flirt, shy, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, justwannabehappy +, writes (21 March 2011):
justwannabehappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't want to be turned down face to face it'll only hurt me much more! And I want to wait a little more ... At a party this saturday he was there to, and I was talking to a guy in a room alone and he was the first one to come in but we were just talking, it was like he was jealous or it could have been a slump. I was also sitting on the balcony with this guy and the guy I liked came out as the first of the others and sat down ... Could this mean hes jealous and doesn't want me to do something with other guys? But at this same party he was kinda flirting with two girls but it looked really awkward and I was right there...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 I don't think you did anything wrong. You are frustrated from the waiting and that's just how it came out. Some guys only ask girls out when they are 100% sure they won't be rejected, cheated upon, and that the girls think of them as kings. They would rather have the girl do all the risking, getting hurt even, than to experience the same things themselves. After all women are more capable of tolerating pain. Think of childbirth and how women live longer. He may think that if you did this to him, then you would do this to other guys too. Guys like this bring you a lot of pain at the beginning from all the guessing and waiting but if the relationship progresses then they are in for the long term, because when you became his girlfriend, you would want him to turn down a hot girl in a party.
I think you should still explain to him why you did what you did, as a last chance. At least he knows what's going on in your mind. You did what you did because you thought he liked you, and you liked him, but you can't wait forever, and then conclude with oh I guess you don't really like me that much.
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A
female
reader, justwannabehappy +, writes (17 March 2011):
justwannabehappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer. I know that my approach was wrong and that I messed things up... Do you think he liked me before this? I think I'm gonna let things pass after time and try to be friends with him, we are still friends but it's weird and we almost never talk ... I'm gonna forget about him but still try to keep our friendship and get things back to normal. I just feel so stupid because I thought he liked me before this but did I get everything wrong?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2011):
He viewed your behavior as aggressive, that only boy collectors do. Maybe somehow he felt that a girl who would like him would act shy and more lady like. "Why don't you tell me you like me?" is a common line that guys use to shift the blame when he didn't have the courage to ask the girl out. He would rather play it safe than to risk being played by you. Chances are, if you told him your feelings, his response wouldn't be different. He wants to make it seem like you did something stupid to screw it up, because to turn down a hot girl is wimpy.
It's not a good strategy to get a guy's attention the way you did because you are appealing to his sexual side, and it makes him feel like he's succumbing to temptation (loss of control is a bad thing for a guy), rather than wanting to get to know you more as a person. You want to make him feel like being with you is his choice. You kind of have to pretend that you don't know he likes you, so he has to take more actions to proof that he likes you.
In my experience, I did the same things and when guys turned me down it's all over. Try not initiating contact and see if he still talks to you. If he doesn't then just set him free. He knows that you like him, so the ball is in his court. He isn't sure if he likes you, now he feels like he has to play catch up. Some guys would never like a girl before they know she likes him first. I know, no matter what they don't want to lose.
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A
female
reader, justwannabehappy +, writes (17 March 2011):
justwannabehappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I'm pretty confident but of course I realise that I'm not "hot" in everyone's eyes but we know each other pretty well so I don't think he thinks I'm ugly. I just think that he could have said no if he didn't want me... And my parents weren't home. AND we were NOT going to have sex! He just says now that he isn't interested and I think it's because I ruined it... At the party he apparantly told my friend : " if she likes me, why doesn't she tell me something when we aren't at a party?" It's just really depressing because I still like him and I feel like I've done some stupid things and destroyed our friendship that could have turned into something more? So what now? I want to first of all, get things back to normal and start taking like we used to... And then I maybe want to see if there's something more after that but at this point he's not into me. Can I get what we had back and can he maybe eventually grow feelings for me or does he see me in a totally different, friendzone(maybe not even) light...? Thanks for the answers though and I know I came across as a pretty cocky girl but I'm just really sad over this...
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 To me it just sounds like this boy is not sure he is ready for sex yet and when you asked him, Do you want me, he didn't know what to say without embarrassing himself or insulting you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2011):
The only sign that a guy likes you is by asking you out.
The party happened at your house. I don't know where your parents were but a sensible boy would not want to make out with some girl and then get caught by another family member. I would say he is normal here, for respecting your parents for not messing around with their little princess. Guys are not so desperate for a hot girl because hot girls are everywhere. I am sure you have a lot to offer than just your appearance but remember people have preferences and you do too. You focus so much on whether he likes you, but do you even like him? Just because he did not pursue anything does not make him gay.
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A
male
reader, elkabong +, writes (17 March 2011):
There are 2 possibilities: He is unable to respond, or he is unwilling to respond.
If he is unable, he is probably afraid or inexperienced. if you are as attractive as you say and he is timid, then this is the likely scenario.
If he is unwilling, then he is either committed to someone else, or simply not interested. You maybe "Hot" in your mind, but maybe not in his.
You cannot assume you will be attractive to every male, the nature of your assumption makes you unattractive to me! (regardless of physical appearance)
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