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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a Christian and believe in waiting until marriage before having sex. The problem is I have already had sex with my fiance, and previous boyfriends. I still want to wait, but my fiance argues that if I stopped doing it now after doing it for eight months, that I must not love him anymore, and he's mad that I did it with other guys but want to wait with him. I don't want to ruin our relationship, so what should I do? He says I can't take away something like that that I have already been doing with him a long time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): I am a Christian too and I also believe in not having sex until your married. I haven't had sex yet but I am worried that I will be tempted. I think that if your fiance really loved you than he would respect your views of not wanting to have sex again until after marraige. And if he really loved you he would be happy that you are getting married and not bothered about the sex because he'd be marrying you and he would be satisfied by that. I think that you need to think it through, and take on board his views, and think about the other things like his relationship with The Lord and Jesus, and his personality. I hope that you make the right decision, and ask God what to do!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I hope you are being honest with yourself about why you're doing what you're doing.
If sex/marriage is important to you, then why did you sleep with him for 8 months? Was it because he was so obviously "the one" and it seemed like just a formality to keep waiting?
If that's the case, then I personally think you might as well continue sleeping with this guy whether you think it was wrong or not. Virginity doesn't come back once it's gone. At this point, you've "upped" the relationship for 8 months and now you're backing it down again. From your boyfriend's point of view you might as well have said, "I think we should spend less time together." Just my personal opinion.
If you're committed to stopping the sex until marriage no matter what, then I don't know what your boyfriend will do. You're telling him that your faith ranks over him. How he reacts to that depends on where he is, spiritually. If he won't be okay with that and wants to split up over the issue, then he was probably not the right guy for you anyway.
(But if this is what eventually plays out, I do hope you'll give him enough credit to realize that he probably didn't just leave you for want of more sex. It sounds like it's REALLY not that simple. He wasn't going anywhere when you weren't originally sleeping with him. You're waffling on certain barriers that relationships aren't supposed to go back & forth on.)
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male
reader, PhilManco  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 After eight months of a "normal" sex life, an ex-girlfriend of mine decided that she, too, wanted to wait for religious purposes. We were both in college and she chalked those eight months up to not knowing better.Such a drastic change hurt me pretty deeply. Suffice it to say, the relationship ended and, through the ordeal, I pretty much lost my faith.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Religion aside, you have changed your behaviour and your fiance is understandably confused. It would be nice if both of you could discuss it without emotion, but you have denied him one of the most intimate emotional acts we humans can engage in.
Choices have consequences. Your decision to abstain from sex with your fiance has hurt him. Are willing to take responsibility for the choices you have made and the consequences that flow from them? If yes, then you'll come out a stronger person in the end, regardless of what happens to this relationship. Good luck and take care.
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female
reader, altobliz  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 As a Christian myself, there are many things which I've done that mave unwittingly been against God's will and His word. For instance, I was very friendly with someone else's boyfriend and ultimately this broke them up and he went out with me; not only did I covet the neighbour's ox so to speak, I stole as well. Well done me.In your situation, I think it's best to sit down and talk to him about it. It's okay to have a relationship with someone who isn't a Christian, it's just generally speaking more difficult to find someone who respects your religion.The bible says: (1 Corinthians 13-14)And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.Ergo, it's okay.My point is, that if he can't deal with the fact that you believe in Christ, how can he respect that decision you have made and therefore how can he respect you as a whole person. You deserve that respect, as any human does.He may think that it isn't fair but it is your decision. Don't let him pressure you into doing anything.Best of luck
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female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (21 July 2007):
 Sweetie, I was in the same situation as you. After having sex with people who didn't deserve to have that intimate time with me I decided enough was enough and I was going to wait until marriage to have sex again only it be with my husband. I haven't budged from that stance nor will I.
Is your fiance a Christian? If not, drop him now. You want a man who has the same morals and values as you. Right now he is placing his running lust for you ABOVE what God says and sees as correct. So what you two were having sex and now you want to stop. The Holy Spirit is mostly convicting you and you know it is the right thing to stop. You are presenting yourself pure in holy to GOD at the time of your wedding. If you look at it this way your finace is PRESSURING YOU to have sex outside of marriage just because you used to in the past and with him. He wants his sexual needs met because you used to take care of other guys' sexual needs in the past. Do you see what I am getting at? He is trying to manipulate you into having sex with him and he is using guilt to try to make you given in. You and I both know that fornication is a sin and there is no way in heaven or in hell that we are going back to that nasty lifestyle. You take the reigns of this relationship and tell him "NO! Stop pressuring me for sex. I will not give in and if you can not handle that then we need to go our separate ways."
Sex is wonderful and all but if there is no COMMITMENT behind it (as in vows and that number one promise) then you get used, discarded and counted as some past sex partner. Tell him absolutely not and that there will be no more discussion about it because he knows your stance. He is whining about the sex because he was used to getting it. You have ALL RIGHTS to saying no to sex because it is your body, you prize the Word of God and His commandments and you dont serve your fiance, you serve God. God is number one in your life THEN your husband. However, since you two are not married HE GETS NO SEX. He wont die with out it. He will just have to be patient because you have thoroughly decided to do it God's way not your fiance's way.
*Sex is not a requirement for single people. It is a joy for MARRIED couples because from it comes the ultimate intimacy any two humans can have and families also come forth from sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): Id' say stick to your principles and your beliefs.
Having said that, it is quite understandable that your boyfriend is annoyed by this, I'm sure you can see it from his point of view if you give it some thought.
Faith is never supposed to be easy, and perhaps you are going to have to choose between your faith and your boyfriend as I doubt you are going to be able to have both in this case.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): When you mean sex, I assume you mean intercourse. Have you thought about this? Perhaps you can still be sexual with him, but not engage in intercourse?
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (21 July 2007):
Having sex is part of what two people do in a relationship. It is the very closest that two people can get together. Any boyfriend would be very upset at this - after all he has already accepted that he isn't the first and why should he now wait because you have decided to be born again.
Surely resumoing the relationship you presently have with him if you are intending to get married to him shouldn't matter.
In his shoes I would have walked as if you have felt before that it was ok to get this close and now you want to change your mind because of what some religion has told you to do.
You have in a way betrayed his trust in you and if you wish to ruin this relationship in favour of whatever so called church has told you to do just continue to carry this farce out.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (21 July 2007):
 What happened all of a sudden to make you act on your faith, when you did not before? If I were your fiance, I would be VERY suspious, and I would have walked away from you already.
If you continue to change the rules mid-game (so to speak) with other areas of your life, I beleive that you will find other people in your life will be as angery as your bf, which I think he has a valid arguement.
You come off as a hypocrite...if these were always your beleifs, why are you ONLY acting on them now? It is not just the lack of sex...it is a trust issue. You are teaching him, he can not rely on you.
Your fiance has the same question I do, I think...."What is going to be next that you change the rules on mid-game?"
If you are looking to give your fiance a reason to break up with you, so that you are spared of the responsiblity to break up with him...then you are on the right path, which is what I really think is going on here.
-Frank B Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): It's great to have principles and want to be faithful to them, however I think you ought to think about what you personally want! and not about religion. Doing it before marriage doesn't make you less grown-up or less open-up or even less moral, and waiting has nothing to do with ethics either, it's simply a choice. The fact you're undecided after having already broken this principle makes me believe you felt pressurized? So maybe you should tell your partner to take things slowly, and re-build together the itinerary of the relationship, at the rhythm you'd feel comfortable to. Your bf may feel frustrated not knowing what determined you to reconsider this, but he can only respect your limits. He may not understand the phrase "for the sake of religion," as Eddie said, it will be his option.
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (21 July 2007):
 When did you decide to get the Christian values? How old are you? If you always felt you were doing something wrong, by having sex, then stop. That is your choice and you can take it away.
Unfortunately that choice affects your boyfriend too. I understand both sides actually. It's like giving someone steak and lobster for a year and then changing to bread and water until further notice. Sex is an important issue. Your guy sees this as a double standard and is not on the same Christian page as you. You have to see why this is frustrating to him.
Having said all that, it's your body and you set the rules. If he doesn't like it, he can leave. That is his choice though and you have to accept that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): I feel as a christian u made the right decision but u have to carry your fiancee along because he is a man more sensitive to sex tham women. Pray about it also and introduce things u could when the urge comes. More importantly he has to understand why u are taking that decision otherwise it will be an effort in futility.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): I don't get it babe. first you say you are a christian and that you believe in waiting, but you have already broken that promise. If you still feel strongly about redeeming yourself before your wedding sit down with him and tell him how you feel about God and how you have behaved in the past, if you had known he would react like this before would you still have had sex? On the other hand if you are not that serious about your faith then don't blame him for being suspicious. I am a devout christian and plan to wait until my wedding, i understand it must be hard but only you can decide if you beleive enough to make him wait,good luck honey, XxxX
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